PrintWeekend Book Giveaway: Service Included
After I left Per Se, a former colleague passed along a story that the chef told the staff. If you want to understand commitment, he explained, all you have to do is look at the American breakfast of bacon and eggs. The chicken was involved, but the pig was committed.
This is a book about commitment: to food, service, love, perfection, and to being the bacon.
If you want to have a chance of bringing home the bacon (I mean the book) just tell us the funniest thing you've overheard at a restaurant.
Winners will be chosen at random from among the comments, and the contest will close Monday at 6 p.m. ET. The usual Serious Eats contest rules apply.
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62 Comments:
Man: Let's ask the waiter for some more of this radicchio stuff.
Woman: You mean focaccia.
Man: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
wisekaren at 9:31AM on 10/13/07
I had to get a job as soon as I turned 16. Over the winter, in a small town that meant fast food. I spent 9 months at McDonald's and will never forget when a guy came in and said, "Give me two of them chicken fajitas," but he didn't keep the "j" silent and the "i" was long (pronounced like the letter "i").
NSW at 9:44AM on 10/13/07
Customer: "This soup du jour's good, but it sure tastes different than it did yesterday."
Enthusiastic caller to food-related talk show, discussing a new restaurant: "The food's not real good, but you sure do get a lot of it!"
lemons at 10:19AM on 10/13/07
My husband and I were at a fancy schmancy steakhouse. The table next to us was occupied by a couple with their two young sons. It was obviously a tense situation for the parents - they seemed a bit concerned that the boys might have a complete meltdown at some point during the meal and were constantly reminding them to mind their manners and behave.
The boys were doing quite well...and then the entrees came. At the top of his lungs, the younger boy (who was dining on Steak Frites) exclaimed, "The fries taste gooder if you dip them in Sprite!"
punkin712 at 10:26AM on 10/13/07
Thomas Keller also gave tee shirts to his staff during that time with 'Be the bacon' printed on them.
robert40 at 10:37AM on 10/13/07
Our waiter, trying to get us to try the signature chocolate dessert, proclaimed it "G - Double O - D - GOOD!" in an endearing southern accent. We cracked up and ordered the dessert, and indeed it was.
Jeana at 11:08AM on 10/13/07
My current favorite was the following proclamation from my not-yet-6 year-old niece as we had dinner at Bread Bar in NYC this summer:
"Wow--this IS a fancy restaurant! They keep bringing us more water and we didn't even ask for it!"
Suffice it to say the kid is already serious about her eats and her hospitality experiences. :-)
Curlz at 11:12AM on 10/13/07
"Which fork to I use?
voodooconstant at 11:20AM on 10/13/07
someone next to me ordered sugar plum cake and proclaimed: "i love this cake! i love this cake more than i love myself..." i was tempted to order it after that .
tudogostoso at 11:25AM on 10/13/07
My wife and I were walking into a butcher shop that also served food at a few tables while we were on vacation in Spain. As we entered, my wife (who can be a bit squeamish) looked to her left and saw a pig, split down the middle, hanging from a hook. She exclaimed "Oh my God!" A man who was leaving, glanced over his shoulder at her and, in a thick Spanish accent, gave this helpful comment: "Its not God, its a pig"
nisung2 at 11:25AM on 10/13/07
"I'll bet they killed a brushetta just this morning, it's so fresh!"
michichan at 11:32AM on 10/13/07
my partner and i go out to this one thai restaurant all the time, and we always seem to get seated next to really bizarre people. i think our favourite was the time we overheard "the big fight". this young couple next to us (late teens/early 20s) were arguing about every little thing and, quite frankly, from the look of their pupils and their incessant fidgeting they seemed to be "on" something. finally the boyfriend announced rather loudly "oh my god! this is why i can't stand you when i'm sober!"
lexophile at 11:46AM on 10/13/07
i worked at a brewpub as a brewer and i had a customer ask me "when do you add the alcohol?"
tenpointfarmer at 12:04PM on 10/13/07
As a response to a first taste of Kobe: "OMG, I want to have sex with this steak"
thebigguy at 12:23PM on 10/13/07
There is more to the whole chicken/pig business than Damrosch realizes:
http://thegurglingcod.typepad.com/thegurglingcod/2007/10/thomas-kellers-.html
The Gurgling Cod at 12:54PM on 10/13/07
This is more of a cute story, than a gut-wrenching hilarious story: I overhead an adorable little girl ask the waiter for the "la-sag-knee". The waiter had to ask the girl a few times to repeat her order...and finally just asked her to point it out on the menu. It turned out that she wanted lasagna.
jpark107 at 1:13PM on 10/13/07
At the local fish & chips shop, I asked the (teenaged) waitress if they had any malt vinegar. She said "No, I'm sorry, we don't have a liquor license."
madball911 at 1:49PM on 10/13/07
I was at Peter Lugers and a couple in their late 50's were seated in a table not too far from us. Now this was prime dinner hour on a busy sunday, so they sure weren't walk in customers. Before the wife opens her menu she said "I don't want steak." He thunders "whadoyoumean you dont want steak?". "I don't want steak. Dont they have pasta? theres nothing on this menu..." He tries but couldn't convince her to order steak. Exasperated, he gestures the waiter over "she doesn't want steak, can you recommend something?". The waiter rattles off with the few non steak items but non to the wifes liking. Somehow with less effort than the husband, the waiter convinces the wife to share a steak with her husband. She replies "Ok, but make sure its well-done! I want it well done!"
DarthEater at 2:35PM on 10/13/07
At a local cafe: after ordering an egg white-only omelet, a woman exclaimed, "But it's all white! Where's the yellow?"
Christina at 3:49PM on 10/13/07
At McDonald's, a guy was showing the cashier the burgers he'd just gotten-- a pile of buns with condiments and no meat whatsoever. She said accusedly "This is Kenny's work."
bluebird at 4:23PM on 10/13/07
Too many funny situations to list, but one of the best was a not so quiet fight between a couple in their 20s.
rugbyspartan at 4:35PM on 10/13/07
"Just put it back on the plate! No one will notice. " :)
Anastasia at 4:57PM on 10/13/07
"Your salad is moving."
spanklin at 5:20PM on 10/13/07
overheard in Boca:
"Daddy will pick you up from school. Mommy is at the doctor's."
Not funny...unless you see the womam sitting at a BAR next to a man in srubs...hmmmm..
swakrsvp at 6:53PM on 10/13/07
At a buffet, a couple was commenting on the beautiful garde manger display of vegetables carved into flowers. The lady said, louder than I am sure she intended, "I once saw a chef take a leek...." The whole buffet line cracked up before she could finish her sentence.
shock at 9:08PM on 10/13/07
Overheat at the table nex to us at the old Box Tree restaurant - "What's an artichoke?"
linda at 11:08PM on 10/13/07
I work in a restaurant, so there are MANY! The other day, one of my tables got the vegetarian chili all around (you can add chicken, but the base soup is always vegetarian). After I dropped the soups, I walked by a minute later to see how everyone was doing and they were analyzing their bowls and looking really frightened. When I approached them, one guy said "I think there is a mistake, we ordered the VEG chili." What made it so funny was how scared they were and how relieved when I assured them there was no possible way they had meat in their soup. I don't know how kidney beans taste like meat.
Littlebluesiren at 11:54PM on 10/13/07
My daughter and I overheard this conversation at lunch at a very nice restaurant in Fairhaven, MA. The "couple" appeared to be in their 80's , getting to know each other and both speaking very loudly ( shouting ) .
MAN ....You like that song from James Brown ......GOT A NEW BAG ?
WOMAN ......what ?
MAN......HE'S GOT A BAG !
WOMAN ......WHO ? WHAT BAG ?
MAN .......JAMES BROWN.....HE GOT A NEW BAG .....IT'S A SONG !
WOMAN ........WHAT SONG ?
And so it went ! LOLOLOL...........It was SO funny and sweet too !
It seemed to us that they were on a date and he was trying to impress her .Also got the impression that he thought this was a new song . Don't know if she was impressed but I hope he hit a home run !!!!!!
NewEnglandBites at 7:49AM on 10/14/07
Whenever someone drops something on the floor and it makes a huge crashing sound and some smarty yells out one of the following:
"Man Down!"
"Job Opening!"
"Just Put That Anywhere!"
"When You See 'China' On Your Check, You Didn't Win A Trip"
"The Gravity Works!"
all usually followed by applause and a red-faced individual.
Erinay77 at 8:42AM on 10/14/07
At a restaurant in upstate new york 2 weeks ago, after they had run out of a specific wine we'd tried to order:
"well, this one's Austrian, so it will probably taste like the Australian wine you just had, right?"
uhhhh.....
JP001 at 9:47AM on 10/14/07
In a small Puerto Rican restaurant on the Upper West Side, when a ginormous New York City cockroach appeared on the floor in the middle of the dining room, one diner (full disclosure - my husband) stood up and stomped on it. The other diners broke out in hearty applause. Funny moment - but sad to say, we have never been able to eat there again!
cookbookchick at 10:35AM on 10/14/07
On the "Tonight's Special" board- Baked Half Chicken w/.....
Man in line behind me waiting to be seated - (stated with obvious disgust)"I don't want my chicken only baked half way"
aungeinphx at 12:12PM on 10/14/07
A diner at a small italian restaraunt asked the waitress what the soup du jour was, and she stated that they "don't have that kind, but today we have minstrone".
aungeinphx at 12:20PM on 10/14/07
From my days as a waiter:
It was a very busy dinner service, Saturday night at a very fancy French-American place in Virginia
Two ladies in their late 20's were having a very very slow dinner, sharing a soup, wanting their shared entree to be held, etc. So slow that we went through two turns as they were still eating their entrees. They must have occupied that table for about three and a half hours.
Turns out that they were taking all of that extra time reading each others tarot cards!
fiatluxsemper at 12:58PM on 10/14/07
Woman, eating from a plate of chicken:
"Do you want to try my breast?"
Man across the table, apathetically:
"Honestly, I'm just not interested." ---at a restaurant in New Hope, PA
clumsycook at 1:06PM on 10/14/07
I was at a diner in New Jersey last weekend, and I ordered a hamburger. It was a 3/4 lb beast. The man the table over from me, leaned over and said to me "Now sweetie, I'm getting ready to leave, but I'm gonna wait till you take your first bite, because I want to watch you try to get your mouth around that burger."
anado at 1:30PM on 10/14/07
In the dining room of a VERY rustic fishing camp in the woods of Maine, a little boy of about 4 gets up from his table and walks outside, but comes back in a few seconds and yells across the dining room, "But Daddy, WHERE outside do I pee?"
Dee at 2:39PM on 10/14/07
I went to France with my parents when I was 10. While in Cassis, I tried paella for the first time, and was definitely weirded out by the odd-looking seafood int he dish. I'm sure I bothered the others around us with my contact whining.
At one point, I held up a little tentacled calamari and exclaimed to the table "WHAT IS THIS?" The nice Swedish man next to us (also traveling with his family) turns to me and says "something to eat." That shut me up right there.
99paa at 2:42PM on 10/14/07
Thomas Keller also gave tee shirts to his staff during that time with 'Be the bacon' printed on them.
robert40 at 10:37AM on 10/13/07
I had a t-shirt around that time which had this poem from Ogden Nash printed on it:
The pig, if I am not mistaken
Supplies us sausage, ham and bacon.
Let others say his heart is big,
I call it stupid of the pig.
If you want to have a chance of bringing home the bacon (I mean the book) just tell us the funniest thing you've overheard at a restaurant.
I'm really glad to read all these other responses, for I can't think of a single funny thing that I ever heard at a restaurant. :(
Karen Resta at 3:45PM on 10/14/07
A young gal and guy sit down at a Deli. There obviously on a date and it seems likely a first. The waiter arrives to take the couple's order and the shy guy says to his gal friend; "I'd like to start the evening with a knish, how about you"? The two of them and the waiter all broke up at that point.
drbehavior at 5:27PM on 10/14/07
Lunch at the Seville diner in Little Neck, NY, 30 years ago, a couple of then ten year old best friends ordered burger platters for lunch. When the waitress eventually delivered cheeseburgers instead, she explained the miscue away by merely stating "We didn't have any more hamburgers, so we brought you cheeseburgers."
sbrachman at 7:52PM on 10/14/07
Me: No. That's OK, I do not want a salad.
Waiter: Too bad. You are getting a salad and you will enjoy it too...
[and I did enjoy the salad, as predicted - that was service with a forceful hand]
aburke at 8:50PM on 10/14/07
A sushi restaurant. A gentleman who is a regular comes in with a new female guest on his arm. They sit down and order up some items. The gentleman introduces his new date to the sushi chef, who he knows from many past visits with many other female companions. The woman begins to complain to the sushi chef. She tells the chef that her gentleman companion has dated and bedded all her friends. "I mean, ALL of them" she says "every one of my friends. What should I do? Should I give him a chance? He has dated every one of my friends! What do you think I should do?" The sushi chef looks confused for a moment, perhaps not wanting to lose a regular customer by saying the wrong thing. And then he looks the lady straight in the face and says "Ah, so. You need to make some new friends!"
Levi D at 9:15PM on 10/14/07
I was working as a nanny (fresh from Ohio) in Beverly Hills. One of my friends from nanny school (yes, we had one!) flew out to Los Angeles and as a treat, my boss paid for us to have dinner at a very nice restaurant in the Rodeo Drive area. We order, look about and, stop, as, from the table next to us we hear "Don't you just love those new Hyundais? They're so cheap I got two! One for our maid to drive and the second for back up when the other one is in the shop."
I've come a long way since those days but I am still stunned by that remembered conversation!
ohiogal at 10:35PM on 10/14/07
I'll have one she's having.
izzy's mama at 11:43PM on 10/14/07
oops, meant, I'll have what she's having.
izzy's mama at 11:44PM on 10/14/07
Do they have California Rolls?
raykoh at 1:13AM on 10/15/07
I overheard an exasperated waitress having this conversation...
Waitress: Would you like the soup or salad?
Patron: Well, if you're calling it super, I will certainly try it!
Waitress: No, sir, I mean would you rather have the soup or salad?
Patron: I'm sold on the super salad, it's settled.
Waitress: Sir, you have a choice, soup... or... salad...
Patron: I told you, I want the su...per... salad. Am I not being clear?
Waitress: Okay sir, the super salad will be right out.
Later on...
Patron (to his wife): The salad was good, but I wouldn't say it was super!
psychsarah at 8:23AM on 10/15/07
Oh my god, I LOVE fellatio bread!
Stufsocker at 9:13AM on 10/15/07
im deaf so its hard to communicate with waiters.. there have been some funny miscommunications but they have been resolved easily.. cant think of anything specific right now thugh.. i want this book!!!
MeganThomas at 10:25AM on 10/15/07
I was at Elevation Burger a few weeks back and was happily devouring my burger, when I overheard a little boy proclaim loudly "Daddy, this cheeseburger makes my pee pee get tingly!"
Obviously, that kid is going to end up working for Serious Eats when he grows up.
lorelei76 at 10:32AM on 10/15/07
Overheard at a tapas bar in San Sebastian:
"Daddy! You were right! It's only mommy's blood sausage that tastes like wet dog hair!" (The look on the parent's faces was priceless! I wonder if the entertaintment value is the reason children are allowed into tapas bars there?)
bbLoup at 10:50AM on 10/15/07
I waitressed at a local pizza parlor, and had a customer ask me once if I could have the pizza made with fat-free cheese and fat-free pepperoni.
mrsbao at 10:53AM on 10/15/07
I'll have the filet mignon well-done.
Bosmer at 10:58AM on 10/15/07
"What do you mean they fry the bacon? It's called BAKE-ON. That doesn't make sense!"
ConschBTJ at 1:23PM on 10/15/07
When I was a teenager I worked at a fast food place. We were short people one night so the drive-through speaker volume was turned up high so everyone in the kitchen area could hear it since we were all working on both drive-through and dining room orders at once. This unfortunately also meant the people in the dining room could hear it.
Guy drove through and was obviously drunk, ordering very slowly and said he wanted a "bunch" of cheeseburgers. After clarifying that "a bunch" was three, he was asked what he wanted on them. He was mumbling but it was really loud, so everyone in the dining room was listening too, "I dunno, ketchup, mustard..." (pause) "Oh, and PICKLES. A *SHITLOAD* OF PICKLES!" Everyone in the kitchen guffawed and the people in the dining room all either laughed or looked horrified.
rockandroller at 2:39PM on 10/15/07
I once overheard a couple arguing over what foie gras actually was. The wife had it right, but the husband INSISTED that the delicacy was the brain of a duck, to which the wife replied, "This is exactly why the kids don't eat out with you!"
pupilindenial at 3:40PM on 10/15/07
My date on his first experience with sashimi: Mine was undercooked and a little cold. Do you think we should say something?
Diner at Nobu when asked how his Wagyu beef was: It's alright but could use a little ketchup or something.
Overheard at a chinese place in Houston: Just what exactly is a tofu?
nellopea at 4:04PM on 10/15/07
While working at a fast food hot dog restaurant in my high school years:
Customer: "So do fries come with the chili cheese fries?"
zekks at 4:51PM on 10/15/07
Overheard in a fancy restaurant:
"This Wilted Salad just isn't as fresh as I had expected."
topdog at 5:02PM on 10/15/07
"Can I have the eggplant Parmesan with eggplant instead of veal? I mean! Chicken? And the eggplant?"
It was actually pretty adorable, because it seemed the high-school-age couple was on a first date, and then even funnier was when the young man tried to order wine-- and not just any wine, but white Zin.
philoserine at 2:37PM on 10/16/07
Thanks to everyone for commenting and congrats to our winners:
drbehavior
tudogostoso
izzy's mama
anado
JP001
Littlebluesiren
Bosmer
spanklin
MeganThomas
lemons
roboppy at 6:30PM on 10/16/07