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Meet & Eat: Kevin Smalley

Posted by Alaina Browne, October 5, 2007 at 12:15 PM

This week we'd like to introduce you to Kevin Smalley's LOL-inducing food blog, Acme Instant Food. But it's not just about the laughs. A lack of inspiration in the kitchen inspired Kevin to organize an ingredient exchange project called Acme Instant Ingredients. Participants sign up to exchange an unusual ingredient or food product with another blogger, incorporate the ingredient into a recipe, and then blog about the ingredient, recipe, and lessons learned. Sounds like a fun way to get to know an unfamiliar or forgotten ingredient and connect with fellow food bloggers. Without further ado, Kevin Smalley.

Name: Kevin Smalley
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: Development director for a nonprofit charity
URL: acmeinstantfood.blogspot.com

What prompted you to start your blog, Acme Instant Food?
Motivation came in the form of a horrific kitchen accident. My partner, Ed, opened the pantry door to grab a handful of trail mix when a massive avalanche of handwritten recipes fell on him. The shelf on which they were stashed had collapsed under the ballooning piles of paper. He was alone at the time and it was three hours later when neighbors heard his panicked calls for help. The paramedics arrived with the jaws of life and found our dog trying to lick a raisin off Ed’s forehead. He suffered massive paper cuts but was otherwise fine except for the freaky aversion to mixed cashews and granola that he has today.

I’ve since fixed the broken pantry shelf and now it’s home to things like tortillas with a ninety day shelf life and home made chocolate body paint. I started the blog to exorcise the kitchen of the demons of disorganization. I pray that the server doesn’t crash like my pantry shelf. I find blogging to be a huge organizational asset — I can retrieve my recipes easily, and it doesn’t cause nearly as many paper cuts.

What's the most surprising thing to come out of your blogging?
Well, so far I’ve been able to make “bring ugly goo” and “ugly bongo rig” out of “your blogging.” Oh, that’s not what you meant? Well, I did receive a tub of lard in the mail recently as a result of blogging. But the most surprising thing would be the opportunities to meet and dine with such extraordinarily talented people that I would never had met without my blog. David Lebovitz met us in Paris where we first sipped some French Beaujolais and then headed out for some really delicious steak frites. He’s funny and such a great host! And yes it’s true, he is actually made out of chocolate. I’ve also become friends with two of the most talented photographers whose work never fails to astound me, Keiko from the U.K. and Matt, my fellow L.A. blogging buddy. I aspire to develop even a fraction of their culinary talent. Their work is vibrant and inspirational and I’m so thankful that they share it with us.

What do your family and friends think of your food obsessions?
They think it’s a blessing. I find my time in the kitchen to be like a soul cleansing meditation and they all fear what I might be like if I didn’t spend my time pounding out chicken breasts.

When did you first realize you were a serious eater?
I am rarely serious. Seriously.

Favorite comfort food?
Anything salty. I think world peace could be achieved by passing out jars of Le Saunier Fleur de Sel de Camargue across the Middle East. Actually, I believe we should start with Washington first.

Guilty pleasures?
Peeps. Especially stale ones.

Describe your perfect meal.
The perfect meal would be one where all of our family members and our friends could sit down together at a table. Each of us would bring our very favorite dish, whether it is something home made or from a favorite restaurant. My 94 year-old grandma would have enough vigor to make her tooth-numbingly sweet assortment of home made candies for dessert. We’d all share our favorites, drink some amazing wine and when it was all over, we’d all pick up the table and toss it off the edge of a high cliff so nobody would be stuck cleaning up.

What food won't you eat?
Sushi. This is unfortunate because it’s healthy food and it’s gorgeous. In fact, I’d love to learn how to prepare it because I appreciate the visual art and cultural traditions. However, my palate is just stubbornly at odds with the gestalt sushi experience. The sticky textures and the flavors of the fish just don’t come together in an enjoyable experience in my mouth. I’m widely hated for this.

What's an unexplored food you'd like to try?
That reminds me that the garage freezer needs to be cleaned out. I think there is a lot of unexplored food in there that kind of resembles the top of Mount Kilimanjaro.

Also, I’ve never eaten a rutabaga.

Favorite food person?
Initially I was going to answer, “The Pillsbury Dough Boy.” I mean think about him for a moment; he brings joy and big smiles to everyone and you’ll never see him frown. He also smells delicious if you lock him in the oven at 350 degrees for 12 minutes.

But honestly, my favorite food person is any parent who takes the time to teach his/her child to cook. We have at least one generation of kids who honestly don’t know how to make anything that doesn’t come out of a box, out of the freezer or from a kid leaning out of a drive-through window. And what’s worse is that they don’t see anything wrong with that. These same kids are overweight and becoming diabetic at a rate that has reached epidemic proportions in the U.S. and in other countries. These kids don’t know what real food tastes like and they have absolutely no idea how to prepare even the most basic of meals for themselves.

When parents spend an occasional Saturday morning showing their kids how eggs, a bit of cheese and some vegetables come together quickly to make an omelette they turn their home kitchen into a classroom. When Mom opens the freezer door on Saturday morning and screams out, “Hey kids, ya want the Triple Pork Rind or the Quarter Pound o’ Butter Morning Happy Sandwich today?” they just murdered their internal organs. It’s kind of like killing your kids on an installment plan. I am a big fan of giving our kids a bit of a food education so that they can nourish their bodies, develop a taste for real ingredients, and enjoy a healthy relationship with food throughout their life. It’s really criminal to deny kids this knowledge that is so basic and so necessary. The parents who succeed at this should be awarded with engraved plaques and given reserved parking spaces at Costco.

Favorite food sites or blogs?
I’ve already mentioned a few and I have way too many favorites to list here. However, I always enjoy a good laugh with my morning wine coffee so I always check out The Impulsive Buy. This guy reviews everyday grocery store products with sidesplitting elementary schoolyard style humor. He’s my hero.

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