The Nasty Bits: Chongqing-style Penis with Wolfberries [Valentine's Day Edition]
This Recipe First Appeared In: This Week's Tasty 10
Though some ingredients in previous Nasty Bits entries bore some resemblance to today's featured item, this really is what you think it is. [Photographs: Chichi Wang]
Nasty Bits lovers, if you think I'm cooking heart for Valentine's Day, then you underestimate my mettle. Why talk about matters of the heart, when we've yet to cover penis? The Chinese believe the organ to possess all kinds of medicinal properties related to virility and general health. Though I harbored no presumptions about its libido-enhancing abilities, I was curious about the culinary merits of eating penis: Namely, is it delicious? Even more pressing, what does the organ taste like in the first place?
A quick search yielded the somewhat opaque answer that the penis is primarily vascular tissue, composed of tubes with names like vas deferens. Knowing something about its anatomical breakdown brought me no closer, however, to imagining the taste. Flesh, fat, skin, tendon, and even cartilage are all parts to which meat eaters are exposed. An organ composed of vascular tissue, on the other hand, calls to mind spongy textures and very little flavor. Lucky for me, my favorite Korean market regularly carries packs of beef "pizzle," the typical euphemism for penis, so acquiring the organ was the least of my worries.
The first time I bring home an entirely new cut of offal, I start testing with a simple pan-fry in the trusty cast iron skillet. Doing so allows me to get a feel for the texture and flavor, a gauge for how I should proceed next. I cut a section of the pizzle into half-inch slices, salted and peppered, and tossed the pieces into the cast iron. The moment the pizzle hit the skillet, the slices of tissue, which were spongelike and soft when raw, seized up immediately, shrinking and curling into hard little sections resembling dried scallops. When I tried to eat the pan-fried pizzle, the texture was so tough as to be inedible; the more I chewed, the more the pizzle resisted my molars until finally, I gave up and spit it out. A long simmering, then, seemed the only option.
Stewing the pizzle was easier conceived than done. Having tossed the sections of penis into a beef oxtail soup, I found three hours into the cooking time that the meat was tender and cooked through, yet the pizzle seemed only slightly less tough than before. I retrieved the sections from the pot of soup and tossed them into a slower cooker before bedtime. The next morning, I awoke to find that the penis had been stewed into irreparable flaccidity: soft and sticky with a gummy texture, the chunks tasted curiously neutral—not even bland but simply lacking any flavor whatsoever.
Confounded, I emailed Fuchsia Dunlop, cookbook author and researcher extraordinare, to ask for her advice and possible recipe ideas. (In an interview years ago, Dunlop recalled having eaten beef penis in a Sichuan-style beef soup.) Dunlop kindly obliged and offered her instructions as to how to proceed, with the qualification that she herself found the part to be not particularly delicious. As Dunlop wrote:
I've found one recipe for Chonginq ox penis soup in a book: Chongqing is actually where I tasted it myself, and this soup is a local speciality. The recipe instructs you to peel off the outer skin, and then cut in half lengthwise along the urethra. Then clean and thoroughly soak in cold water for 30 minutes.
Bring it to boil in a large potful of water, then skim and add ginger, Sichuan pepper, Shaoxing wine, an old hen, and then cook slowly over a gentle flame, turning from time to time so it does not stick to the pot. When it's just over half cooked, strain out the whole spices, then bring back to the boil and continue to simmer over a v gentle flame. When it's nearly cooked, remove the penis and cut into bite-sized strips, then return to the pot with some gouqi (goji berries, wolfberries), bring back to the boil, then simmer until very tender. The cooking takes a total of about ten hours, and the chicken should be set aside for other uses before serving (you don't serve it with the penis in the soup). Season to taste with salt before serving, and a little lard if desired.
I went back to the Korean market for an old hen and more pizzle. Then, proceeding as per Ms. Dunlop's instructions, I whiled away Superbowl Sunday stewing the penis, checking every so often on its progress. By the eighth hour, the sections of pizzle had softened considerably; the broth had turned a golden yellow hue. By the tenth hour, the pizzle seemed to have thoroughly softened. I retrieved the penis from the broth, thinly sliced the sections, and seasoned with more salt and lard.
The warm slices of pizzle were slimy and sticky, with the texture of a cooked gummy. I set them aside and waited an hour or so for the pizzle to cool down; then, dressing the slices in soy sauce, vinegar, and sugar, I tossed the whole mixture with finely chopped cilantro and tried eating again. Firmed up, the texture of the pizzle had improved considerably, bearing a close resemblance to beef tendon. The taste, however, was still bland. Even dressed in soy sauce, the pizzle had none of the beefiness of beef tendon.
The broth was heavily bodied, yet it was also strangely flavorless. The goji berries, one of my favorites additions to tea and hot pot, provided a pleasantly sweet flavor to the broth. The Sichuan peppercorns lent just a touch of their signature numbing sensation. Sipping it, I felt considerably warmer, though more no strengthened than usual.
Hours of stewing, three pounds of beef penis, and one Fuchia Dunlop–inspired recipe later, I'm no closer to determining once and for all if pizzle is tasty to eat. That said, if prepared in the special Chongqing style, beef pizzle is not an altogether bad dish, especially given its purported benefit. Still, it probably won't be what I'd serve on the special day. Happy Valentine's Day to those who have found their better halves and those who are still seeking that special someone with whom to share a pig's head.
51 comments:
you rule on so many levels, chichi.
(i actually won ms. dunlop's book from seriouseats!)
gastronomeg at 10:46AM on 02/09/10
I'll be the first to say it...
Eating penis definitely takes balls.
nosillak at 10:51AM on 02/09/10
Interesting. I've yet to try penis either, though the frozen packs of pizzle at the Chinese supermarket have always piqued my interest. I told you this the other day, but my general rule for offal is: if it's bland or mushy, bread it, and deep fry it. Provides texture, and plenty of surface area for sauce to cling to and hopefully relieve some blandness. Though then you have to ask yourself, "what's the point?"
An anatomical note: the vas deferens, if I remember 9th grade bio correctly, connects the epididymis to the ejaculatory ducts, which then connect to the urethra, which is the only part that is actually in the penis. To get at the vas deferens, you'd need to buy an intact penis/testicle combo pack (an altogether more delicious item), though I don't think those are ever seen anywhere except in situ.
J. Kenji Lopez-Alt at 10:51AM on 02/09/10
I love reading this column so much.
avaryne at 11:01AM on 02/09/10
this rocks.
BananaMonkey at 11:03AM on 02/09/10
... just wondering how many guys were reading this and wincing ...
AmazonGoddess at 11:20AM on 02/09/10
I can repect the traditionality of the dish, as if it were an homage of sorts to ones ancestors who ate to stay alive and not a quest for "hmm I wonder what that tastes like" type of curiosity. It speaks of the hardships they endured. In this day, in the country I live in, I wouldn't eat it, because it's not necessary, echoing Kenji's sentiments of "what's the point?"
So, would I eat it? I wouldn't go out of my way. I'd rather try situ.
RossS at 11:59AM on 02/09/10
@RossS
I really hope you didn't just mean to say that you'd rather try a beef penis in situ, and if you did...
well... gross!
J. Kenji Lopez-Alt at 12:03PM on 02/09/10
You are the only person in America who spent super bowl sunday slowly simmering a batch of dick soup. Congrats.
sailordave at 12:20PM on 02/09/10
@chichi
Have you tried other types of Penis? I hear that duck penis and cobra penis are both eaten (though as with beef, probably more for superstition than good flavor). And how does the beef penis compare to testicles (which I find to also be relatively bland and soft)?
@sailordave
meanwhile, I spent most of superbowl sunday slowing stewing on the couch surrounded by a bunch of dicks (just kidding, I love my friends. Sort of). I suppose it was inevitable that this thread would at some point devolve into penis jokes, right?
J. Kenji Lopez-Alt at 12:39PM on 02/09/10
@AmazonGoddess: I was wincing, cringing, the whole deal
redfish at 12:42PM on 02/09/10
I've gotta say -- one of the more interesting articles on Serious Eats haha
Runding at 12:43PM on 02/09/10
Sailordave--now THAT is funny!
Rocquie at 12:47PM on 02/09/10
I'm sorry, but I'm intrigued: where do those penis come from? Are they human (who in they sane mind will agree to cut their penis, unless that fake Olympics of Pain guys) or from some animal? Couldn't find anything in the post that could lead me to an answer... thanks!
matiaslaporte at 1:23PM on 02/09/10
@matiaslaporte: It's ox penis.
You know, I've never had pizzle before. Looking at it makes me think it would be a lot like stewed tendon.
Or maybe a little like the sea cucumber in the soup I'm eating right now.
If Chichi says it isn't super delicious, I guess I don't have to be in any rush to try it.
fuuchan at 1:30PM on 02/09/10
Like everyone else, I love your articles.
@RossS - I don't think wondering what it tastes like drives offal eaters more than any other eater. These things really are delicious despite their lack of popularity. I would take penis soup over a big mac any day. In this day and age big macs are unnecessary and I would ask "what is the point?" Life is too short for terrible food, let us each enjoy our favorite part of the bull (for me tongue, heart, and cheek).
@AmazonGoddess - no wincing. By the time it hits the grocery store shelf is a cows ass or ankle much different than its penis?
christopher at 2:07PM on 02/09/10
I am sososo immature (remember I live with high school students) that although I tried to read this as a Serious Eats/Serious Reader/cook all I kept thinking in my head was Teeheeee....penis....teeehheeeee....penis.
Some day I will grow up...but till then...teeeheeee...penis.
PoorOldMama at 2:13PM on 02/09/10
Love this column. Good Work! (*clap *clap *clap)
st8j3 at 3:53PM on 02/09/10
Ox penis? I would have thought an Ox penis was much larger than the pale petite parallel penises pictured? A little too adventurous for my palate, I'll pass on the penis.
funkopolis at 4:49PM on 02/09/10
Maybe try cowcod soup a Jamaican soup that use cow penis.
Or just dry it out and give it to your dog a chew toy, that's what bully sticks in the pet store are, dried bull penis.
PSFam at 5:01PM on 02/09/10
I hope that I haven't missed the goat testicle instructional. This one was fascinating:-)
@sailordave You still get my vote for the funniest.
janaatwg at 5:14PM on 02/09/10
I'm bit confused now !
webmarketing at 5:16PM on 02/09/10
@Christopher - I read a few segments out to my co-worker (male) and he actually convulsed a little at the following: "I cut a section of the pizzle into half-inch slices, salted and peppered, and tossed the pieces into the cast iron. " ... I guess some guys just are a little sensitive about penis-hacking. ;)
AmazonGoddess at 5:20PM on 02/09/10
I've only tried live penis. (Am I allowed to say that?) It's ok.
Trilby at 5:31PM on 02/09/10
i will fo' shizzle never eat bull pizzle.
aileen7007 at 7:57PM on 02/09/10
Not what I imagine when I think "Beef. It's what's for dinner." *throws up in mouth a little"
yankeesgal at 8:24PM on 02/09/10
Dried pizzle sticks are one of the best and most expensive chew toys for dogs. They clean teeth really well because, as you noticed, they are extremely chewy!
cellophane at 11:05PM on 02/09/10
stbj3-let's not talk about eating penis and then use words like "clap". teehee,teehee.
I was ok in the wincing dept. til someone brought up the penis for dog chew thing-ouch.
jfitz at 3:28AM on 02/10/10
i'm glad you cook and eat this stuff so i don't have to!
carriebwc at 10:26AM on 02/10/10
um... ok... yeah, not going to be eating this anytime soon.
pickledseeds at 12:12PM on 02/10/10
@christopher: my sentiments exactly. This isn't any different from a bit of liver, ox tail, a slice of tendering melting beef cheef, or hell, a chunk of the cow's muscular tissue that we like to call steak.
I think people just let their imaginations run away with them before they even take a bite when it comes to food.
And I guess its a guy thing to be somehow translating eating ox penis into a personally painful experience to their own bodies...
We don't clutch our own legs and wince in pain when we eat chicken drumsticks, do we? I don't get it.
fuuchan at 1:02PM on 02/10/10
Now for the obvious but is there anything they do with 'woman parts' to make them edible i don't mean udder....
Berte at 3:13PM on 02/10/10
i've had turkey testicles and bull penis, both at Kenka in NY's East Village. both underwhelmed. I think the bull penis was served sliced but . . . can't remember the texture or flavor.
going the stew route, tendon-style, makes sense; I'm sure red-cooked would be good. curious how the texture compared to when you first did it in a "slower" (heehee) cooker compared to the final; is it like squid that can go from edible to chewy to edible again?
avisualperson at 7:19PM on 02/10/10
@Berte, this evening we were at a restaurant that offered stewed hasmar with almonds and coconut juice. Unfortunately this has to be ordered in advance. It's rehydrated frog fallopian tubes. Still intrigued, we just might make a go of it soon.
Larikatz at 8:29PM on 02/10/10
Hi Nasty bit lovers,
Thanks for all the juvenile comments. Though the cooking of the penis was a pretty solemn activity, I cracked up alone in my kitchen just reading all of your reactions.
Kenji, how is it that you remember your 9th grade biology class in such vivid detail? I’ve done a fairly good job of eradicating it from the depths of my psyche. So tell me, Mr. Scientist, what exactly is it that you think I ate? What kind of tissue?
Sailordave: I beg to differ. I bet lots of people made penis soup this past Sunday because football viewing uses up a lot of male testosterone, what with all the spirited gesticulating and such. So there’s a good chance that all kinds of virility-seeking men needed an extra boost, so to speak, after the game.
Berte: I’ve seen pig uteri in abundance at the Chinese markets. Sooooo…stay tuned ;)
avisualperson: I’m fairly certain that the slow-cooker would’ve yielded the same results as the stewing; it’s just that I left the penis in the slow-cooker for way too long. I actually tried the hong-shao route as well – um, same thing as the stewing, the texture was ok but the taste was just insipid.
Chichi Wang at 8:13AM on 02/11/10
Chichi
I think your readers have shown amazing restrain, No comments on how adding heat made it hard. No comments on your chewing and the spitting and nobody asked just how many penises (or is it penie) it takes to get to 3 pounds. All in all, I think we are a very mature group. Thank you again, for the great columns.
NWcajun at 5:40PM on 02/11/10
Damnit it, NWcajun! I was just about to make a bunch of trite, juvenile comments about those very words and you had to go and ruin it for me!
:)
sticky wicket at 7:50PM on 02/11/10
Geez, get your mind out of the gutter, NW Cajun! This is no way for a respectable husband and father of (2?) to be acting. None of those thoughts even occurred to me until you mentioned them just now.
penis |ˈpēnis|
noun ( pl. -nises or -nes |-nēz|)
the male genital organ of higher vertebrates, carrying the duct for the transfer of sperm during copulation. In humans and most other mammals, it consists largely of erectile tissue and serves also for the elimination of urine.
• Zoology a type of male copulatory organ present in some invertebrates, such as gastropod mollusks.
ORIGIN late 17th cent.: from Latin, ‘tail, penis.’
Huh. I didn't know the root was Latin.
Chichi Wang at 12:25PM on 02/12/10
While I am a loving and caring husband and father of 2, I don't think you've ever seen me use the word "respctable". Keep up the good fight, thanks again for your columns.
NWcajun at 12:46PM on 02/12/10
Respectable
NWcajun at 1:00PM on 02/12/10
@Berte, Chichi: I was just about to say uterus!
@Larikatz: would you be referring to the euphemistic "snow frog"?
It's actually not really the reproductive organs of the frog, it's the body lining/fat surrounding the reproductive organs.
fuuchan at 5:41PM on 02/13/10
My dogs love their "Bully Sticks" and they don't give them bad breath, or stink up the house like the nasty hooves do.
Thanks for being so adventurous. I'm a big fan of "Mountain Oysters" and think many others would be too, if they gave them the opportunity. I grew up in Kansas and went to college in Emporia which also was home to an Iowa Beef Packing plant. My roommate's boyfriend would bring a bag to the apartment at midnight after work, we'd slice, bread and fry them up and serve with catsup, and a few more beers, delicious! Oh, the good old days!
blenny at 7:08PM on 02/13/10
I was going to say alot of things about your penis...uh..hum...about THE penis you ate..uh-hum...ummm.... oh crap! Nevermind!
softsecret at 10:23AM on 02/15/10
Uh, yeah, penis jokes on SERIOUS eats. :) Way to go.
Kidding aside, there are a lot of other cultures who relish eating beef penis. There is a Filipino soup called Soup # 5 (Recipe here: http://en.petitchef.com/recipes/soup-number-5-or-soup-no-5-or-lanciao-bullox-gonad-soup-fid-534195) which is purportedly believed to have aphrodisiac qualities (surprise! surprise!). It is eaten mostly by men (You really got to have balls to eat that. :) )
cocoy0 at 10:42AM on 02/15/10
I don't know how I let this headline pass in my RSS reader unread. Thank you, SE, for the weekly newsletter. I wonder if this page would have been blocked from my office computer because of the word "penis".
Chichi, you must be great fun at dinner parties. It's one thing to read about it in one's own voice but I can only imagine what it's like to hear a story about "That time I ate penis", actually meant in a culinary context. The cod milt piece was another gem.
Talk about nose to tail eating! What are the chances of the tags "penis", "ox penis" and "beef penis" coming up again on SE? (You forgot the "the nasty bits" tag.
CanadianFoodieGirl at 11:40AM on 02/15/10
...Reflecting on my first paragraph, I suppose that if Web Sense's keyword filter had blocked the page than it would mean that I'd been cock blocked.
CanadianFoodieGirl at 11:44AM on 02/15/10
Always love your articles. And I admit to have partaken in all of the "nasty bits" too. I start off curious about the food, but have amlost always enjoyed the experience enough to repeat and experiment more. I've found that chopped, stewed penis goes well with various diping sauces. Simple seasame seed based sauces or even a fruity, spicy salsa can make all the difference. Also, thinly almost tranransluscently sliced length-wise and prepared as a noodle is a new texturally fun soup.
AnastasiaDream at 12:35PM on 02/15/10
This is the first time I have read your column, and I have to say- I will be back for more! What a scream! The comments after are almost as good a read as the article :) Thanks for the entertainment.
tracyole at 12:46PM on 02/15/10
This is HILARIOUS!!!! And aren't you guys proud of my self-restraint...! ?
WIGirl at 2:08PM on 02/16/10
I know some people, especially vegetarians, refer to beef as "cow meat", but those who write about "cow penis" may want to consult Kenji's high school biology textbook...
mynah at 6:34AM on 02/18/10
AnastasiaDream: Have you prepared pizzle as a faux-noodle dish? If so, how long did you stew the penis for before you sliced it into strands?
Chichi Wang at 3:31PM on 02/19/10