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The Nasty Bits: Deviled Kidneys

"There is nothing quite like them--that feral taste combined with a mouthfeel not quite as tender and fatty as liver, nor as chewy as gizzards."

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[Photographs: Chichi Wang]

Of all the nasty bits on earth, liver and kidneys must be some of the nastiest. Their function--to process and disperse toxins from the diet--makes for a risky undertaking for the offal cook. Truly foul, these organs are a real treat when you can find them fresh.

Given the nature of their function, livers and kidneys are a direct reflection of the life of the animal, a tell-tale sign of its diet and treatment. Naturally exposed to toxins, livers and kidneys are far more likely than muscle tissue to develop stress and disease-related damage such as cysts and tumors. This is especially so for the kidneys, which filter the animal's urine.

The kidneys' main function is to purify the blood by removing nitrogen-rich waste and funneling the waste into the urine. At their worst, kidneys possess an "off" taste, the likes of which I could never quite identify until I learned the nature of the organ. If you've ever worked with less than impeccable kidneys, you've probably smelled them before you've tasted them--that acrid, pungent scent of animal waste.

Look for kidneys from a butcher who will leave the natural layer of fat around the organs. Keeping kidneys intact will almost always be better than buying the cut-up alternative.

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If you're looking for them at an ethnic market, calves' or lambs' kidneys will have the highest probability of tasting clean, while pigs' kidneys will invariably reflect their varied, sometimes more questionable diets. Beef kidneys are the largest and toughest of all and require a longer stewing to be tasty.

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When properly prepared, kidneys are a unique experience. There is nothing quite like them--that feral taste combined with a mouthfeel not quite as tender and fatty as liver, nor as chewy as gizzards. If you're hesitant to cook kidneys because you've had too many tough and rubbery memories at restaurants, know that kidneys are only tough when they're overcooked. In Chinese and Vietnamese preparations, kidney slices are frequently fried or stir-fried, tossed with spicy chilies to offset the pungent taste.

When I'm in the mood for a homier preparation, I cut kidneys into smaller, bite-sized chunks for a quick preparation in the pan. Gleaned from The River Cottage Meat Book, this kidney dish is called "deviled" due to the amount of cayenne pepper spicing up the sauce, yet there are also notes of sweetness and tartness.

Sauteed in fat, the kidneys are simmered briefly in a mixture of wine, jam, vinegar, mustard, and cayenne pepper. You may never think to add jam to a kidney dish, but the hint of fruit--a little tart and slightly sweet--works well with the cayenne's heat. The dish is finished with a very generous splashing of Worcestershire sauce. When it comes to kidneys, there can never be too much Worcestershire.

If you buy the kidneys whole, be sure to remove the gristly white center of the organ before proceeding with the recipe. As always, saute the chopped kidneys in a bit of fat for a rounder, meatier taste.

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Deviled Kidneys

Adapted from The River Cottage Meat Book by Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall

Ingredients

4 lamb's kidneys or 2 pig's
1 tablespoon of fat
1/2 cup of red wine
1 tablespoon red wine or sherry vinegar
1 teaspoon red currant jelly, or any other jelly of your choice
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper, or to taste
1 tablespoon mustard
1 tablespoon heavy cream
Salt and pepper to taste
Chopped parsley, to garnish

Procedure

1. To prep the kidneys: Cut kidneys in half and carefully remove the gristly white centers with a paring knife. For lamb's kidneys, quarter them. For pig's kidneys, cut into bite-size chunks, approximately 1-inch across.

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2. Heat a little fat in a frying pat and add the kidneys, sauteing for just a brief minute to brown. Add the sherry and let it bubble for 30 seconds. Add the vinegar and simmer for 10 to 20 seconds.

3. Add the jelly, mustard, and cayenne pepper, stirring the kidneys to mix all of the elements together. Add the Worcestershire sauce, and let the liquid simmer for 20 seconds until it is slightly reduced. Taste for balance. Depending on your taste for kidneys, you may want to add more sour or spicy elements.

4. Finish by taking the pan off the heat and adding in the heavy cream, stirring to mix.

5. Serve with toast or rice, garnishing with parsley if desired.

About the author: Chichi Wang took her degree in philosophy, but decided that writing about food would be much more fun than writing about Plato. She firmly believes in all things offal, the importance of reading great books, and the necessity of three-hour meals. If she were ever to get a tattoo, it would say "Fat is flavor." Visit her blog, My Chalkboard Fridge.

8 Comments:

So that's why they call them kidney beans! This series is a great anatomy lesson as well as a cooking revelation. Judging from the low overall prices, I have a feeling that the kidneys at my local ethnic market do not come from happy pigs....too bad.

i'd gladly eat those, if you prepared them, chichi.
otherwise, it's seems like a scary undertaking.

My parents debate about preparing kidneys whenever they buy it - for some time (maybe even now), they would leave them overnight in Coke, once it may have been watered down vinegar, yet another time, they may have parboiled it, all trying to get rid of any off-taste. They always buy it from butchers at Asian grocery markets (which I find could be kind of questionable). Are these steps helpful at all for that purpose or just old-wives' tales?

HH hippo, I think the steps would certainly shield some of that "off" taste, though I've never thought to soak mine in Coke! In my experience with kidneys, if you start with kidneys that smell funny, your end result will never be something that tastes quite as good. I once tried buying kidneys at an Asian market, and found the freshness to be really questionable - of course, I can't say that my bad experience rules out all Asian suppliers.

I think the best test is to ask your butcher if you can take a whiff of the kidneys before you buy them. Put your nose down and inhale - if there's any hint of a urine-related scent, don't buy them!

What kind of mustard, prepared or dry? This is one of those things that p's me off so often.

Michael Z - I've used both to great effect. The original recipe calls for prepared; I used a dijon.

I have not had Kidney meat in a while because they are not available in the Supermarkets in my neighbor hood.
But I grew up eating Pork kidney.

My mom simply washed them in cold water seasoned them with salt and black pepper then dredged them in flour and fried them then made a gravey. I do the same when I can find them. so far no smell.

My intro to kidneys was in a English full-on fry-up breakfast! They just cleaned the membrane, cut off some fat, S&P'd and broiled them with a drizzle of olive oil. Great! Almost everything was new to me that morning: Black Pudding, Broiled Tomato (I had always only eaten tomato in salad or sauce) I was only 12yrs old, but it was my 1st trip out of the States and I felt duty bound to jump into the new culture and was duly rewarded. Cooking kidneys is a rare treat for me if I can find them. Thanks Chichi for sharing a new recipe for me. I've now got to go searching for the little urine factories! ;D LOL

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