It's 8:32 pm on November 21st, the evening before Thanksgiving 2012. My hands, coated in a film of flour and butter, crumble together pie dough on my parents' cold, suburban, marble countertop. While my mom expertly peels and pares a pile of apples next to me, I drift casually in thought and bask in the oven's warm, radiant waves.
It's good to be home.
Suddenly my phone springs to life next to me with a hard rattle and a picture of Slice Queen and dear friend Meredith Smith. My mom and I both look at the agitated phone and then at each other. Normally this situation's a no brainer: The dough comes first and the call goes to voicemail. And besides, I'd never get my hands clean in time to catch it. But this time is different.
Meredith's due back this evening from her trip to the Mexico, and she's bringing with her an important package. I drop the dough and smear the screen with butter.
"Hello?" I stammer into the phone.
After a moment's hesitation she offers an exhausted, "Hi".
"Soo, did they search your bag?" I faux-casually inquire, my palms growing clammy.
There's a pregnant pause before she confesses, "Yeah, they did."
My heart tightens with adrenaline.
"But..." she trails off.
"But they didn't find them...I've got two bags!"
I drop the phone, breath returns to my lungs, and I do an impromptu sashay across the hardwood floor. Against impossible odds*, Meredith had done it! She'd flown into the Yucatan under the cover of darkness** and emerged a week later with two bags of these:***
*Actual odds may have been far more favorable than what is expressed here.
** Turns out flight was technically more "midday" than "under the cover of darkness".
*** Preceding story inspired by some sort of real life events.
That's right chipheads, Burger King and Ruffles make a potato chip that tastes like a flame-broiled Whopper.
Now before you get as upset as I was that Burger King doesn't sell these things stateside, I need to let you know that they once did. In 2007 they rolled out a flame-broiled chip along with a ketchup & fries flavor. I can only assume that slumping sales drove them away from us into the open arms of the Mexicans. It's a sad reality for us, and I can say with certainty that we are worse off for it.
These chips don't just resemble a Whopper in flavor, they perfectly mimic it. And I don't just mean that you can taste most of the individual components like pickles, mayonnaise, onion, and ketchup (which you can).
I mean that they taste nearly identical to the entire burger.
The sesame bun sits in the background and the American cheese blends seamlessly into that oddly savory beef patty. I know you can taste it from memory as I describe it. And it's all there, with a crunch.
Oddly enough, these chips are sold in Burger King in Mexico, the same place that you can buy an actual whopper with fresh french fries. To complete the circle of confusion, each bag contains a coupon for a Whopper combo.
I can only assume they are targeted at Whopper fanatics who crave that flavor day and night. Even if you wouldn't count yourself among those ranks, you have to marvel at this real life instance where the schnozberries taste just like schnozberries.
Though to be honest I guess we shouldn't be so surprised that Burger King made potato chips taste like a Whopper. They've been doing it to burgers for years.