Last week Erin talked about what she'd eat before shaking it to the incessant Swedish beats of a Robyn Dance Party. Now, as much as I like '90's teen pop and smörgåsbords, I have to admit I was a little disappointed when I found out it was a plain old Robyn dance party, and not a Robyn Lee Dance Party. Anyone else with me on this?
Partly it's because I can't imagine what parallel universe such a party would exist in. Most likely a universe full of robot unicorns, anthropomorphic blobs, and nyan cats. I also can't imagine what a Robyn Lee dance would look like, but I can imagine her reaction might be something like the photo above.
Or maybe that's just her reaction to editorial meetings that go a bit too long.
So what would the menu at a Robyn Lee Dance Party Look like? Perhaps something like this:
First Course: Homemade Nyan Cats
Ok, so we don't exactly have a Nyan cat recipe, but we do have a recipe for homemade pop tarts. All you'd have to do is use pink frosting and perhaps stick a disembodied kitten's head and extremities on it to make it work. You'd also have to figure out a way to get rainbows to fly out of its butt. Get to work on that.
Side Dish: Hagelslag
Hagelslag is just fancy Netherland-ese for chocolate sprinkles, but Robyn certainly fancies things that are in close geographic proximity to the Netherlands, so we'll go with the foreign word. You can buy them in a can, or if you want to really show Robyn you care, go all out and make them from scratch. It was her birthday last week so this may make for a thoughtful belated gift.
Main Course: A Shake Shack Burger and Five Guys Fries
Robyn's favorite burger is from Shake Shack and the fries from Five Guys literally make her weep with happiness,* so why not give her the best of both worlds? The burger above, for the record, is topped with Smashburger toppings (read all about it here).
* Not literally.
To Drink: Iced (Mana)tea
If Robyn were here this week and not traipsing around Norway eating fish and expensive pizza, she might have been cajoled into making a doodle of her favorite animal and the only food pun we could think of involving its name. As it is, you'll just have to use your imagination, preferably while sipping on some sun tea.
For Dessert: Taro Ice Cream
According to Robyn, her parents would spend a bluhjillion dollars to take her to Taiwan as a kid, but all she wanted was the taro ice cream (and to buy every Sanrio product in existence). Robyn, on your special day, you can have all the Taro ice cream you'd like. Provided you dance. With puppets.
Things Not To Give Robyn: Crystal Light
Drinking Crystal Light straight from a packet without diluting it is nobody's idea of a good time, not even consummate good-timer Robyn.
More Things Not To Give To Robyn: Alcohol
Because as the ever astute Ms. Lee puts it: "IT TASTES LIKE POISON."
And did somebody mention K-Pop?
N.B. This is by far the strangest post I've written... anywhere.
About the author: J. Kenji Lopez-Alt is the Chief Creative Officer of Serious Eats where he likes to explore the science of home cooking in his weekly column The Food Lab. You can follow him at @thefoodlab on Twitter, or at The Food Lab on Facebook.