I think I've been focusing too much on health and nutrition information in my fast food reviews lately. You know how after every fatty story there's at least one commenter who says something high and mighty about how if you're going to eat a fast food hamburger you might as well eat a lard puck pickled in Windex, and the rest of us are like, "Well sure, if it tastes like a hamburger"? I don't want to turn into one of those killjoys.
To be fair, they're often completely correct as pertains to their point, but that's not always in concert with our point, which is to enjoy fast food on its own greasy terms.
So I'm going to tone down the vitamin nanny act unless we're discussing something that explicitly targets the health-conscious fast eater; I'm not saying nutrition is irrelevant, but I think it's fair to say that unless a fast food item is loudly and proudly marketed as light, it's going to be heavy.
But before I leave the sad news behind, I'd like to lead you on one final trip down Bad Memory Lane. Remember when you found out that a plain bagel is a pretty substantial breakfast all by itself, before you even get to slathering on the cream cheese or duck fat? A naked bagel at Dunkin' Donuts will run you a cool 310 calories, for instance. That's the first thing I think of every time they introduce another variation of their bagel-meat-cheese-egg formula.
DD's new bagel-based Angus Steak and Egg Sandwich will set you forward 630 calories. That's an awful sturdy dinner, never mind breakfast. And $3.99 is about a buck farther than I like to go for a morning sandwich. But as always, if the taste is right, the price is too.
This is a really big sandwich. It's over two inches tall, and the bagel makes it fairly mash-resistant; it won't fit easily into smaller mouths (though I don't think they're the target audience). On volume alone, the AS&ES justifies both the calories and the dollars.
The stock model comes on an onion bagel, but you can customize if you wish. I took mine as Dunkin' intended, and as a result onion was the predominant flavor in the sandwich. I like onion‐even the weird, spongy DD bits—but it made it hard to evaluate the rest of the operation.
Let's get the egg and cheese talk out of the way. The cheese was a melted yellow mess that poked lewdly through the bagel's blowhole but didn't add any flavor or even moisture. The egg was tough and dry and a little bit worse than I've come to expect from such endeavors.
The steak patty is a generous 6-inch square that fits the bagel well. It's also about a third of an inch thick, which is more impressive to see than to read; you don't get short-steaked on this one. Mine came too charred around the edges, but it had a good interior texture. The patty looked disconcertingly grainy and it resembled ground beef more than something called "steak" should, but I'm not one to quibble with fast food meat taxonomy.
I will judge a meat's flavor though, and this one's solidly mediocre. I've read reviews that call it peppery, but that wasn't my experience. My meat was essentially unseasoned, and while it did have some legitimate beef character, it wasn't particularly high character. This steak is by no means an inedible embarrassment to the cattle industry; it will come close to meeting a reasonable person's expectation. But it's not quite good enough to rescue a $3.99 breakfast sandwich that doesn't have much else going for it.