Yorkie: GIRLS NOT ALLOWED TO EAT THIS. The packaging is pretty anti-female with its crossed-out chick stick figure, but guess what, a bunch of ze ladies in our office ate it (oh snap!). Inside the blue wrapper, it’s just a row of Lego-sized chocolate squares. Tastes like sweet grocery store chocolate—you know, Easter bunny quality. The purple wrapper is the same but with raisins and crunchy biscuit specks so it feels... healthier? Recommended for people who want Raisinets and Digestive biscuits at the same time, in chocolate bar form.
Flake and Ripple: We grouped these together since they both fall under the “aerated chocolate” category, a common theme amongst British candy bars. Flake is Cadbury’s version of folded chocolate, while Ripple is the same from Galaxy. The Ripple gets a final dip in chocolate, making it easier to handle and it’s got better flavor to boot.
But one thing the Flake has, however, that the Ripple doesn’t is the 99 Flake. I doubt there's a single British child, or child who’s been to the British Isles, who hasn’t lapped up a 99 Flake: it’s a soft serve cone with a Flake hanging out, and apparently those Flakes are specially produced to fit in the cone.
Innards: From left to right, that's Ripple (see the outer chocolate jacket) and Flake.
Cadbury Crunchies: “Get that Friday feeling with Crunchie” says the wrapper. Wait, what? This doesn’t make us feel Friday-giddy, at all, really. It’s really just an inferior version of the Butterfinger. It’s a chocolate bar with a gold honeycombed center that sorta tastes like stale styrofoam.
Toffee Crisp: Like Cocoa Krispies inside a candy bar, with a ribbon of caramel added for kicks. Hey, we like this one! Then again, we haven’t met many foods involving the word “toffee” that we didn’t like.
Starbar: Peanutty nougat wrapped in a mild caramel and milk chocolate. The sweet nougat is part soft, part flaky-crunchy. Note: it is not star-shaped.
Nestle Milky Bar: It’s a straight-up bar of white chocolate. Very sweet, a little waxy. We would have loved this as kids, but it comes across as cloyingly one dimensional as grown-ups now.
All the Galaxys: The relatively inoffensive milk chocolate is best in the Roasted & Caramelised (not caramelized!) Hazelnut bar, with hazelnut slivers in just the right size: small enough that they’re well-integrated, big enough that you really taste the hazelnut. The Cookie Crumble hides tiny bits of chocolate wafer in the chocolate, but they’re so meager you’re left wondering if they’re really there.
Oh, Except Minstrels: Smooth Galaxy milk chocolate in a candy shell. It’s like getting a bag of super-sized, weird tasting M&M’s that are sweeter than normal and melt more slowly. Oh, and they’re all brown.
Aero/ the Bubbles Genre: Bubbles from Galaxy is just your average milk chocolate with an aerated center, while the Aero from Nestles adds either a dot of caramel or an aerated mint filling. Does anyone else feel like these are just a clever way to sell you more air and less chocolate?
Cadbury Dairy Milk Freddo: Cadbury’s Dairy Milk chocolate in the shape of a frog. If you’ve grown up on American chocolate, you’ll find Cadbury’s to be extremely sweet with an odd fruity nose. If, on the other hand, you grew up eating Cadbury’s, we don’t need to explain any of this to you. These are also what inspired the chocolate frogs in Harry Potter.
Revels: Bite-sized chocolate snacks for the indecisive. They’re little milk chocolate balls filled with orange, toffee, or coffee cream mixed in with chocolate-covered raisins, chocolate malt balls, and straight up chocolate disks. Many choices here, but unfortunately they all kinda taste like sweetened plastic.
Maltesers: They’re the British version of Whoppers, with a malted milk center dipped in milk chocolate. A little bit less malty than their American counterpart, but a creamier chocolate coating makes up tor it.
Cadbury Wispa Duo: An “aerated milk chocolate” bar, in two halves (hence the duo). Aerated, so it’s along the same lines as the Bubbles chocolates, but it’s a big wedge of it. It kind of feels like the candy-making machine just sputtered out and didn’t finish making the filling.
Twix Xtra: Super sweet milk chocolate coats the classic biscuit-and-caramel combo, here in extra long form.
Kit Kat Senses: Our senses do not like this (and we’re big Kit Kat fans). The wafer is topped by a toothachingly sweet, unpleasantly grainy caramel that makes the whole thing a lot less appealing.
Milky Way 2: The “2” stands for two bars. Milk chocolate outside, “light whipped white centre” inside.
Cadbury Dairy Milk Bliss: We can’t get behind this one. Super sweet Cadbury’s Dairy Milk with a “smooth vanilla cream” center that smacks of artificial vanilla flavoring. Pass.
Nestle Munchies: A tube full of square-shaped chocolates filled with caramel on one side of the square, and a crisp biscuit nub on the other. Twix fans: you will fancy this. It’s like a bunch of bite-sized Twix squares—convenient when you don’t want to invest in a whole bar. Aptly named, they are munchie-ble indeed.