Watch Charlie Sheen's Cooking Show: 'Charlie Sheen's Winning Recipes'

You've seen this right? Charlie Sheen has his own parody cooking show on Funny or Die. Some quotes:

"Face it, I am living the life of a rockstar Vatican assassin. And if you eat like me, you can be like me."

"This is not a spatula. It's a cooking wand — for a warlock. ... This is not a bowl. It is a cauldron — of awesomeness."

"I killed this cow myself. Winners stalk and kill their own food without earthly weapons. I'm not some mouthbreather in a drive-thru gorging my piehole on mass-produced monkey grub."

Whaddya think, SE'rs? The next Food Network star?

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