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We've whittled our way down to the final five Top Chef contestants, and the competition's getting more fierce than a RuPaul video. Susur Lee, Marcus Samuelsson, Susan Feniger, Rick Moonen, and Jonathan Waxman all want the title of Top Chef so badly they can taste it. Did Susur play the "I don't know how to do that because I'm Chinese" card this week? Did Marcus remind us he has an Ethiopian wife? Did Rick cook seafood? Did Gael Greene's hat fly off in a windstorm, revealing a giant horn protruding out of the left side of her temple? Find out, as we delve into the most interesting moments from the show!

[WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD]

Bring On The Quickfire

For this week's quickfire challenge, the chefs competed head to head to see who could name more ingredients in a particular sauce. First, they drew pot lids to determine the playing order. Jonathan drew yellow, Susan and Rick drew blue, and somehow, Marcus managed to draw a candid photo of him as a boy in Ethiopia (yay, another reminder that he was adopted and taken to Sweden!)

Once the pot lids were chosen, we were all resigned to watching the chefs playing a 20-minute long game of "Name That Ingredient" (which is sort of like "Name That Tune", only far more boring because the home audience can't even play along). In the first round, Rick beat Susan after she failed to name 4 of the 19 ingredients in a chasseur sauce. I love you Susan, but I think my dog could have probably discerned that there was white wine in there.

MORE Name That Ingredient!

Next, Jonathan, Marcus, and Susur all competed against each other in the riveting second round of "Name That Ingredient." Jonathan took the opportunity to brag about how "fantastic" his palate was, and said it would be "easy" to name all of the ingredients in a Thai green curry sauce. It's ironic, then, that he was eliminated a few seconds later for incorrectly guessing that butter was one of the 29 ingredients in the sauce. Open mouth. Insert foot. Repeat as necessary.

Susur's Pissed Again (What Else Is New?)

In life, you know some things are definitely going to happen. The sun's going to rise. The birds are going to sing. And Susur's going to complain about something. Last week he was mad because he didn't know how to tailgate. This week, he was mad because he lost the "Name That Ingredient" quickfire to Rick Moonen after incorrectly guessing there was garlic in the lobster sauce.

"How the hell you make lobster sauce without garlic," he asked, before storming out of the kitchen with all of the gusto and attitude of a 4-year old who was just denied a piece of bubble gum.

A Dish Only Gods Would Like

For this week's elimination challenge, the chefs had to create divine dishes inspired by Greek gods. Susan drew Aphrodite, Susur drew Dionysus, Marcus drew Ares, Jonathan drew Poseidon, and much to the chagrin of his fellow competitors, Rick drew Hades. Cue 20 minutes of Rick evilly giggling and running around the kitchen like the devil on crack.

Of course, Susur had no idea who Dionysus was, and freaked out because Greek gods weren't "part of his culture." Guess what, Susur? They're not part of ANYONE'S culture... unless you're Greek. The rest of us just read about them in books.

Susan, on the other hand, knew exactly who Aphrodite was, and decided to make a "creamy, orgasmic" dish that apparently required ever single slice of bread in a 50 mile radius. Word on the street is that the Whole Foods employees now refer to her as "that crazy bread lady."

Nice Necklace, Kelly Choi

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Why was Kelly Choi wearing a random piece of chain mail armor around her neck, and how did her tiny head manage to hold it up without dragging her entire body down to the ground? Anyone?

And The Winner Is...

Rick Moonen! Even though he took the Hades thing way too far in the kitchen, and spent most of the time traumatizing people with annoying giggles, the judges couldn't get enough of his spice crusted swordfish with crimson potatoes. Joy! Rick will live on to bore us all by staying in his comfort zone and cooking seafood another day!

And The Loser Is...

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Susan Feniger and Jonathan Waxman were the bottom two chefs, but ultimately, Susan was sent home because her sex sandwiches didn't excite the prudish judges. After her name was called, she and Waxman embraced for what seemed like ten minutes. At least that "creamy, sexual coconut milk custard" was starting to kick in for someone!

I was rooting for you, Susan! We'll all miss you! Well, the eight people who regularly watch Top Chef Masters will, anyway.

What did you think about the episode, Serious Eaters? Are you getting tired of Susur complaining, and hearing stories about Marcus being adopted? Was the wrong person sent home last night?

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