[Photograph: ABC]

Here we are, five weeks in to Jamie Oliver's American Food Revolution. We've seen flash mobs. We've seen the burial of a deep fryer. We've seen a grown man dressed like a gigantic pea. What we haven't seen is any group or organization willing to step up and donate the $150,000 that will sustain Jamie's cause after he leaves.

Desperate to keep his project in the spotlight. Jamie met up with his new BFF, Radio Rod. The conversation veered into naked cooking, as they so often do when Jamie's around. Jamie asked Rod if he ever cooked a meal naked (ugh, pass the industrial-sized gallon of brain bleach, please). Rod said no, which I'm totally fine with. I don't think I couldn't have stomached that story.

[Warning: Spoilers ahead!]

Jamie, on the other hand, took the opportunity to talk about the one time he cooked in the buff: "I did it once for Valentine's Day," Jamie said. "I cooked a lovely sea bass. When I opened the oven, a shot of steam shot out and burned me in that place. It really hurt. It doubled in size. I had to put frozen peas on it. It was so romantic."

Frozen peas? On Jamie's manhood? On Valentine's Day? Paging SNL writers! This is the stuff skits are made of!

This week, Jamie's focus was clearly on securing the funding necessary to keep his project afloat. He set up a meeting with three stone-faced hospital reps, all of whom looked like they hadn't cracked a smile since the Reagan administration. The reps expressed concern about the stigma attached to being labeled the fattest town, and told Jamie that businesses might not want to set up shop in town if the show portrayed them poorly. Valid concerns? Yes. Not exactly what Jamie wanted to hear? Double yes.

When the three amigos finally stopped blabbering, Jamie took a deep breath and asked them for $150,000. They all but laughed in his face. So yeah. Let's just say the meeting didn't go too well.

Next, Jamie pulled all the students out of class at Huntington High School and held an assembly in the gym to apologize for taking their fries away last week. He then told them that the ENTIRE FOOD REVOLUTION WOULD FAIL if enough students didn't order his pasta from the menu during lunch. Wow. And they thought the SATs were a lot of pressure.

Cut to a scene of virtually the entire student body waiting in line for Jamie's pasta. You see that, parents? Guilt trips do work on kids after all!

With things in check at the high school, Jamie headed back to the elementary school, where he met up with his old pal Alice. She was wearing a purple shirt and a scowl. The shirt was new.

While walking around the cafeteria and interacting with the students, Jamie was horrified to see that the (gasp!) flavored milk was back in the refrigerator and available for the students to consume. In came Rhonda, everybody's favorite Director of Food Services, to explain that kids are more likely to drink milk if it is flavored. Well, no duh, Rhonda. What's your next revelation? That Ryan Seacrest frosts his tips?

Next, Jamie (who says the word "brother" more than one of the Duggar siblings) visited U.S. Foods, the distributor that supplies the schools with their lunch foods. Mark, the U.S. Foods rep, handed Jamie a heavy coat and led him into the freezer. According to Mark, they keep the temperature there very cold to "preserve the natural quality of the foods." Really, Mark? I think the polydimethylsiloxane that's probably in half of those foods is doing that quite nicely already.

The good news is U.S. Foods also had a large selection of fresh fruits and vegetables. And also, with all that frozen food around, Jamie will have another place to turn the next time he gets a nasty steam burn on his little British man bits.

Jamie was having fun, but he still didn't have his funding secured. So he did what any of us would have done: hijacked a food truck and drove it to his potential donor's place of employment to try to bribe him with a bison burger. Doug Shiels, the aforementioned donor, is the head of a local hospital—and according to the number of times Jamie said his name last night, is apparently the end-all be-all to Jamie's project.

"We want to get behind you if we can," Doug said, looking equal parts horrified and bewildered by the food truck parked outside his office window.

And that brought this week's episode to an end! Be sure to tune in to next week's finale, when we learn if Jamie will secure the funding his Food Revolution so desperately needs to succeed. And if that's not enough for you, Jamie also gets pulled over by a cop! Maybe he was speeding in that green clunker he's been driving around in for the past month. Or maybe he's going to get a ticket for overusing the phrase "main man." Only time will tell.