Gerrit's Satellite Wafers: Cute Packaging, But Tastes Disgusting

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[Photographs: Robyn Lee]

20091030-wafers2.jpgNever has a plastic bag of candy lied so much. "The Best of All" says the packaging on a bag of Satellite Wafers, the styrofoam-like pockets filled with edible beads.

"This nostalgic candy has enjoyed a great reputation particularly in the northeast, where people love these candies so much they will do anything to get their hands on them." Anything? Really? I would like to meet these folks.

Apparently some kids like to play church with them because they resemble communion wafers; others enjoy the likeness to UFOs. Still others like eating things that can be shaken like maracas. Maybe the candy market was less competitive forty years ago, because I don't believe kids today could ever digest these. Don't be fooled by the retro sun illustration—that ball of fire looks so darn giddy but he has to be holding back tears. Because this candy is weird and pretty awful.

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