Eggo Mini Muffin Tops Should Not Exist
"They're even worse than normal muffin bottoms."
[Photographs: Robyn Lee]
Nothing about Eggo Mini Muffin Tops are right. Though adorable at first—because the only thing cuter than muffin tops are mini muffin tops—they fail at life. Flat and poof-less, they're not even trying hard to be authentic muffin humps.
Stick with the left side.
The four stuck-together "tops" come in both blueberry and chocolate-chip varieties. Waiting for them, you smell that familiar Eggo aroma and think, how bad can toasted, not especially healthy breakfast treats be? "Best Part of the Muffin," advertises the box. So true, you think, recalling the famous Seinfeld episode when "Top of the Muffin To You" dumps all the rejected stumps in front of the homeless shelter. Ah, classic. Eggo must really be onto something here.
But then, they suck.
The blueberries taste like chemicals, the texture is not fluffy, and the shrunken size just doesn't work here. Isn't part of the experience picking away and grazing on a big, round, voluptuous top? Dinky and unauthentic, these "tops" are even worse than normal muffin bottoms.
We should have guessed from the familiar Eggo waffle smell that they'd taste just like the waffles. If you're into that, just go buy the waffles. And if you're into muffin tops, behead an actual muffin.
'Seinfeld' Muffin Top Episode
'30 Rock' Muffin Top Song
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14 Comments:
Just happened to see these in the freezer case the other day and walked right past them, thinking one more artificial blueberry thing for breakfast. Ugh.
dhorst at 8:13AM on 10/14/09
Keep that in mind when they come out with the omelet-on-a-stick. When someone offers you a food that did not hithertofore exist it is best to decline.
redfish at 8:55AM on 10/14/09
I enjoy a good muffin "stump". It's a nice contrast from the crispier top. Muffin sections should be loved equally!
LaurenK at 9:09AM on 10/14/09
Muffin tops are only good when you tear them off the actual muffin. That's why the muffin top pans are utter failures.
piccola at 9:09AM on 10/14/09
"they fail at life"....nuff said!
_greenbean at 9:19AM on 10/14/09
I don't get the whole "anti-muffin bottom" thing. It was funny as a Seinfeld episode.
But beyond that, think about what you're doing! You're rejecting part of a muffin. A muffin! Would you reject the bottom layer of a piece of cake? A muffin bottom may be slightly less delicious than a muffin top, but it's still delicious!
It's like not eating your pizza crusts. Why? Sure it has no toppings, but it has other merits.
kevster at 9:54AM on 10/14/09
I tend to think the anti-muffin bottom people are the same people who don't eat the insides of their bagels, the crust of their pie, and the crust of their pizza for caloric reasons, as a way of tricking themselves into eating less.
HeartofGlass at 10:33AM on 10/14/09
If this article was linked to on Fark.com, it would get the "obvious" tag.
Here's a question: do the muffin tops need the bottoms to be the awesomeness that they are? If you tried to just bake muffin tops, would it fail? Do muffn tops draw much of their greatness from the body of the muffin?
Thomasj at 10:38AM on 10/14/09
These are SO weird. I hope they don't advertise them as healthy!
Lisa
snacksnoop at 10:47AM on 10/14/09
They look like the batter for the muffins was wet and lacking a proofing agent. Besides nothing beats my beloved blueberry muffin TOP AND BOTTOM heated up with butter! yummmmmm
Lvn4life at 11:43AM on 10/14/09
Hahaha! Well done!
yayfood at 11:46AM on 10/14/09
And Eggo keeps making money while people buy this crap.
CanadianFoodieGirl at 2:55PM on 10/14/09
No problem here with homemade muff tops, but here I was thinking we are moments away from the country understanding what is really food and what isn't. Thanks a lot eggos!
Cantaloupe Alone at 10:48AM on 10/15/09
Haha - I just commented on the Muffy/Bogel post that the muffies are totally from Seinfeld.
On another note - I totally have had these sitting in my freezer for months and have yet to open. Something about them looked appealing in the store but not anymore...
Chew on That at 4:43PM on 10/15/09