How Do You Eat with a Beard?
I have been growing a beard lately. Mostly out of laziness. I am just plain tired of shaving. I kid myself that I am saving time by not engaging in the daily ritual of lathering and scraping because the longer my beard gets, the more time I seem to spend trying, unsuccessfully, to keep food out of it.
At first the extra whiskers were no big deal. But past a certain point, usually after about two weeks of growth, the balance tilted. The beard began to affect drinking. The liquid would all of a sudden stream down the side of my mouth as it caught the beard. So I have to adjust my mouth, opening wider to avoid spillage.
Today I reached another turning point—this time with food. My favorite breakfast sandwich has a very runny yolk and is difficult to eat even with a clean-shaven face; it ends up all over no matter how carefully you eat. But now the egg completely soaks by my beard.
Is there a graceful way to eat this with a beard?
Now I am wondering what other inconveniences await me. Obviously anything requiring utensils should be manageable, although I wonder about soup and noodles. What about sandwiches? Will I still be able to enjoy burgers and loaded hot dogs? What about nachos?
Tell me, bearded serious eaters, do you alter your eating because of your whiskers? Can you give me any advice or clean-up tips? Bearded minds want to know.
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37 Comments:
This question begs a two-word answer: Very carefully.
Seriously, be very aware of "hanging" food like cheese as you've demonstrated above, and drippy sauces. Keep a napkin close by at ALL TIMES!!
therealchiffonade at 8:34PM on 08/10/09
My boyfriend has a beard. He says, "You just have to be careful, and yeah, sometimes things are going to get messy."
emgroff at 8:46PM on 08/10/09
I've had a full beard for a few years and I've found my table manners have improved by necessity. Be sure to use your napkin.
recreate at 8:47PM on 08/10/09
Just think of it as "snacks for later"--kind of like a do it yourself doggie bag.
kpope at 9:05PM on 08/10/09
Nick you are bad. This is not what I expect of you. I expect you to get covered in food and not apologize. Well that is my fantasy.
JerzeeTomato at 9:11PM on 08/10/09
Napkins don't work for my ZZ-Top type beard. It would by like wiping cheese drizzles off of a brillo pad with a napkin. Most will just get rubbed in, and the napkin will be shredded in also. I just take a shower after I eat anything messy! I can't lick an ice cream, eat ribs or corn on the cob.... if I do I don't need to butter the second one... then I take a shower.
Rivenrock at 9:21PM on 08/10/09
baby wipes (0=
foodiegal at 10:10PM on 08/10/09
My father, a man of the long bearded style, was very zen about it. He would wait until he was done and then comb it out in the restroom. He would napkin out the drippy items, but he never worried too much what other people thought about it.
jesswalker9 at 10:26PM on 08/10/09
This very conundrum is what's kept me from letting my own beard grow out to mountain-man/Bonnie Prince Billy lengths.
Adam Kuban at 10:32PM on 08/10/09
I've never had a problem with getting food stuck in my beard, but then I have always been a tidy eater (my napkin is spotless at the end of the meal). I suppose that it is important to keep your beard well trimmed around the mouth area and that should alleviate many potential issues. Other than that just be careful.
ChrisHam at 10:49PM on 08/10/09
I kind of like getting stuff caught in there. Hours after eating you lick you lips and get a taste of what once was... Hello, Yes.
happyeats at 10:58PM on 08/10/09
Are you serious? Perhaps I have a dainty beard, but even when I bushed it out this past winter I didn't have any issues with food.
jakesutton at 12:03AM on 08/11/09
If you're growing a serious beard the old rules do not apply. There is no "very carefully", this is a lifestyle, you should take it seriously. You'll do your best, but apologies and napkins are for everyone else, use you're sleeve, give it rinse in the restroom, and most importantly, own it.
sweater7 at 12:23AM on 08/11/09
Always keep a napkin close by and give your beard a good rub after a meal.
gorie at 1:35AM on 08/11/09
With a beard, hopefully you eat just like everyone else. As a bearded man who eats food, I find that the enjoyment of food is not tainted by a beard. I know it's weird, but see, I eat with my mouth and not my beard. It also helps if you take smaller bites instead of mashing the food into your mouth like a competitive eater. Food for thought!
marcusaurus at 3:00AM on 08/11/09
30 years with a beard. I eat hamburgers and pizzas with a knife and fork. I avoid really messy stuff, like crawfish and pasta unless I'm at home. I take a lot of showers just to keep my face clean.
Made the mistake one night of going to a crawfish boil, being too tired or drunk to wash out my beard. About 3 hours after I went to sleep I woke up wondering who threw up on my face. The smell was that rancid!
But no reason to shave it off.
Ribster at 5:23AM on 08/11/09
Three things I've found helpful:
1. Keep your moustache neatly trimmed just above your upper lip.
2. Start using your napkin more frequently and more vigorously than you have in the past.
3. When eating something sticky, use whatever you're drinking with it to clandestinely lubricate said moustache and then use your napkin to wipe it down.
tynanch8 at 6:45AM on 08/11/09
As someone who hasn't shaved since 1979, my (admittedly small) moustache is much more hassle than beard (which varies between trimmed tight and ZZ Top, depending on mood and job). I eat everything that tastes good to me and clean up later. If two weeks of growth is causing you Oprah worthy issues, get up 5 minutes earlier every day and shave.
beersnob at 7:08AM on 08/11/09
All you need is a bit of hot water = instant bouillon!
hungrysailor at 8:08AM on 08/11/09
What marcusaurus said.
Without a beard, did you routinely get food all over your face, chin, and shirt like a two-year-old?
Garvey at 8:58AM on 08/11/09
Put the food in your mouth with a spoon or a fork. Dining "Viking Style" just doesn't work with a beard.
redfish at 8:59AM on 08/11/09
Before this post I just thought beards were somewhat unattractive. Now I know they are truly disgusting.
malecki at 9:22AM on 08/11/09
umm. . facial hair with food = not getting laid. at least i'm turned off. . ...
emoelely at 9:23AM on 08/11/09
I've had a beard for a decade or so. The trick when eating messy stuff is the same as the trick to eating NY street pizza: lean forward slightly and angle your face down so that any food that misses your mouth lands on the plate (or sidewalk) instead of your chin. I also use my napkin much more than I did when I was clean-shaven, every couple of bites whether I think need it or not. Carrying a handkerchief is a good idea too for when you need a napkin but one isn't available.
Lawen at 9:53AM on 08/11/09
I forgot the most important tip: get a girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/domestic partner to dine with who will let you know when you've got some gunk in your beard or, even better, groom you like a chimpanzee looking for lice.
Lawen at 9:57AM on 08/11/09
@lawen: yeah thats quite appealing!
My papa always used to suck the beer foam off his mustache with his bottom lip! ahah
hungrychristel at 10:01AM on 08/11/09
@tynanch8 has it right. been eating with a full beard for 7 years now. found #1 to be the most helpful. can still have a long moustache and not look disproportionate with the rest of a full beard while keeping the moustache trimmed and it helps so much with drinking especially.
Three things I've found helpful:
1. Keep your moustache neatly trimmed just above your upper lip.
2. Start using your napkin more frequently and more vigorously than you have in the past.
3. When eating something sticky, use whatever you're drinking with it to clandestinely lubricate said moustache and then use your napkin to wipe it down.
intheyearofthepig at 10:32AM on 08/11/09
Make your life easier. Just get a good trimmer and keep it clipped short.
CJ McD at 1:05PM on 08/11/09
I grow out my beard periodically and have never encountered such worries. It's a pretty thick beard and I let it go pretty long as well. You just eat. You use a napkin like people without beards or moustaches do. If you're eating something particularly messy, you use a napkin and then wash your face. Is there something about this that is so difficult to comprehend? Do you have Don Martin-style fishbones sticking out of your beard? What's next? I started wearing shirts and they get messy when I eat drippy slices of pizza in bed. Does anyone else wear shirts? I'm thinking of going back to bare skin.
aargh at 1:22PM on 08/11/09
Lead with your tongue, and wipe frequently!
bruisedbuddha at 1:58PM on 08/11/09
If you must ask this question, perhaps it is time to remove the beard.
Tallula Hamburger at 1:59PM on 08/11/09
For those of you who drink coffee, we can smell sour coffee a mile away from your beard.
mandarin at 2:01PM on 08/11/09
My bf likes to grow his beard out mountain-man style until work necessitates him leaving the home office to actually face clients. I send him to my hairdresser, and she always trims the beard whether it's something she normally offers or not because it's SO insane.
That said, @tynanc8's #1 tip is what I notice makes a big difference. Also, if you don't at least trim back that 'stache, those whiskers in particular are quite likely to go up the nostrils of anyone you kiss. Trust me.
Otherwise, enlist a willing buddy/girlfriend to point out when you have food in your beard, as you likely won't notice it on your own.
joyyy at 2:19PM on 08/11/09
So, if I could be so bold as to boil down this post some more..
"I decided to be lazy and stop shaving, but now making a mess on my beard while eating is getting in the way of my laziness because now I have to actually practice manners that I apparently never realized I didn't have before. Please Serious Eaters, what's the most lazy way to keep my lazy beard lazily clean while eating?"
Two solutions. 1) Shave the beard. I don't think you're quite grown up enough for what puberty has afforded you. 2) Or actually be lazy and just play the stains where they lie. No such think as half-ass lazy.
marcusaurus at 9:32PM on 08/11/09
I call mine my 'flavor saver.' With me it's the stray 'stache hairs that get doused with queso, sauce, or attract chopped onions.
And I generally eat by myself though. Which may have something to do with bits of queso, sauce, and chopped onions sticking to my face.
chascates at 12:04AM on 08/12/09
I LOVE a bearded man, I have no idea why these people are grossed out. My boyfriend has a full beard and a giant beautiful curly mustache, and there has been a lot of trial-and-error in my house.
1. If your mustache is big enough to groom with wax, do it! Not only will it stay out of your mouth better, but the waxy texture doesn't allow food INTO the mustache, just on it.
2. TRIANGLE FOOD. Any food cut into triangle shapes is much easier to shove in the space between fur (your mouth). Sandwiches cut diagonally, pizza cut into narrower slices, etc. It works, really.
3. Mustache mugs are awesome. They make new ones, but you can find cool vintage ones, too.
4. Straws.
carrienation at 3:01PM on 08/12/09
Always carry a bandana,cause paper napkins just don't do it.
onepercent99 at 8:18PM on 08/12/09