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I'm sorry, but if someone came up to me and asked if I was sure that was all I wanted to tip, I'd never come back to that restaurant again. I'm normally a generous tipper, throughout college I had friends that were servers or bartenders, but if there's a small tip there's usually a reason. Either the service really wasn't that great, the drinks I ordered from the bar weren't complicated (a $1 tip for taking the cap off a beer is more than enough), or heck, money's tight. Everyone is working for a living these days, with the economy in the crapper people can't toss around the tips like they used to.

As a big Serious Eats fan, I have to come out and say this column is unbearably insipid. Having worked in the restaurant industry, I'm certain that there are more interesting dispatches from the front of the house than watching someone learn how to interact with adults and find her inner courage. I mean really, pulling your act together to CARD some teenagers is a triumph?

@happyscrappy, amen.

@parsnap, ouch!!

@blondee, In New York, you must be 18 to serve alcohol.

Wow! Is this article for real? I think it's just plain RUDE for a waiter to run back and question the tip amount or demand more, no matter how nicely you do it & regardless of how nice you thought you were. Frankly, I would NEVER return to a place if a waiter there did that to me & I'd even report them to the manager. I tip depending on the service and overall experience but the only time I had a waiter run after me was when I was in high school. It was at a small restaurant in chinatown and I feel bad for the fellow now that I look back but I was with a bunch of broke high school students...

completely agree with happyscrappy - if money's tight, that's fine. but then you do not go out to eat! if you're going to a restaurant with waiter service, and that service is up to your standards, you should be tipping around 20%. period. recession or no recession, you didn't HAVE to go to a restaurant.

@blondee - You only need to be 18 to serve alcohol at a restaurant in NYC, I believe

@olimar - Yes if there is a small tip there is usually a reason, and there is nothing wrong with the server finding out what that reason is. I do not agree with wording it "is this what you meant to leave" but I used to always say "was everything OK tonight?" which gave me the opportunity to judge the guest's reaction. If they obliviously said yes , the customers are cheap or clueless and it was not my bad service. If the customers told me a reason, I then knew it was because a drink took 20 minutes or whatever. And if the customers kind of look at each other and whisper, I knew they probably made a miscalculation and often asked to see the check again and left more. I think you'd agree that if a waiter simply asked this, you wouldn't mind helping him for future tables by telling him that he was really slow for each drink order. You might even be impressed at his effort to improve.

It can be done tastefully, not at all like what shoneyjoe described which is messed up.

@parsnap - As someone with 6-7 years of NYC serving experience (years ago), I enjoy this column and can relate to it, much in the same way as when I first read Kitchen Confidential 9 years ago - admittedly, this is not on the same level but it is enjoyable and appropriate for a Serious Eats column.

Wow, I can't believe the dissent amongst people who claim to work in the industry. If it is done tastefully, the way that I said "Was everything OK tonight?", almost every manager would be ok with it. All of my managers supported it, and with one exception, I worked for top chefs in the city (JGV, Palmer, etc.)

And mirchi, most managers don't care if cheap customers return or not. You'll be appalled to learn that servers *definitely* remember if a cheap customer has returned and you will then at best receive appropriately bad service for your shitty tip, and at worst receive spit in your coffee or ball sweat on your utensils. If you don't know how to tip, you shouldn't be dining out anywhere nice.

This is a management problem, and not one a server should undertake herself. If you are tipped poorly you should immediately report it to the manager, who is then empowered to ask the patrons if the service was poor and what he could do to have helped them have a better time. The patrons, who may be making a point, have an opportunity to respond with better information than a simple "no" vote. And if it turns out they're cheapskates, then they'll be duly chastened that their cheapness has been seen by a wider audience and will either leave a better gratuity or never darken the doorstep again.

I agree that poor tipping should probably be addressed by management, in that if I received really poor service from someone, I'd probably be more comfortable telling the manager than the server themselves. That being said, if I was confronted by a server regarding the tip I left, I would probably, out of sheer fear of being publicly embarassed, never return to the place again. But I live in a small town and tipping tends to be a tad more flexible here - friends who are in the service industry here know that towards the end of the month, tips are lighter - because many of the blue-collar and assembly line workers who live here are paid first of the month only. And in today's economy, our restaurants are hurting - so every little bit helps. I am not sure how it "works" in bigger cities.

Happy Scrappy is absolutely right. Money has been tight for me most of my life, so I always take the tip into account when dining out. I have frequently skipped having a second drink, or dessert, in favor of giving a decent tip.

Don't mind the harshness. Internet is rife with asshats. Just keep writing.

"I'm sorry, but if someone came up to me and asked if I was sure that was all I wanted to tip, I'd never come back to that restaurant again."

Exactly the result we were looking for. Please go away and do not come back. We don't want/need/we can't afford business like yours. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

I've never said anything about a bad tip...but I've always wanted to - it did take courage to do this. (sometimes I go over the conversation i wanted to have in my head for the rest of the evening) It can feel so personal when people don't do the right thing.

For those who want to tip a dollar per drink- might I recommend paying as you go. Annoying yes- but it prevents you from having to do that tough math thingy at the end of your evening.

It took me a while to get over the awkwardness of carding, I myself was underage and it seemed weird. Asking for a credit card to start a tab can be just as nerve racking at the start of a busy night.

I don't get it. If I was fearful of doing my job, I sure wouldn't tell anyone. My boss is not interested in my personal fears when it comes to ensuring that my job is getting done. I have a sympathetic boss, but "Well, I was just too nervous" isn't an excuse that's going to cut it. And considering that a place like a restaurant could lose their liquor license if they serve to underage drinkers, I would make sure I carded whoever needed to be carded to make sure that 1) it wasn't my fault that the restaurant is losing revenue to a suspended liquor license and 2) so I have a place to work.

And sure, if you can't tip, don't eat out, go to restaurant, etc--or make sure your bill is small enough so that you can leave a decent tip. But asking someone about their tip? I don't know, that seems a bit rude.

@blitzie

You said:

"Don't mind the harshness. Internet is rife with asshats. Just keep writing."

I'm a writer myself. And despite the harshness of some of the comments, a writer needs to actually listen to their critics. "Oh, I loved it" is the most useless criticism. Maybe the harshness didn't have to get personal, but this piece was a little...um...boring. If I wrote something boring or something that could use help, I would want to know.

To everyone who doesn't think the server should ask after an egregiously bad tip - if you found the service so atrociously offensive that you tipped under 10%, wouldn't you want the chance to explain why? If it's a restaurant you care to return to, wouldn't you like to tell the awful server to bring over his/her manager and explain the situation to both of them, so that they can fix things, and make your next experience there tolerable?

I have accidentally left too-small tips on a couple of occasions, due to miscalculation, and I would have loved it if the server had come over, rather than just accepting the low amount. One time I went back the next day and gave more, but it's not always possible to remember the server's name/exactly what time you were there/etc. to make sure the money goes to the right person.

Why do I always feel the need to comment on the posts others deem "boring" or "insipid"?

I can think of many times I would have liked to do this, but only one time I did. A party of 4 spent $100 and left me an unsigned, untipped credit card receipt. When I showed the hostess, she grabbed me and headed for the party, who were already on their way out of the restaurant. It turned out that they had left $20, but taken the wrong receipt. I agree with Hannah, the incident was nerve-wracking, but ultimately led to a much better night.

What I find interesting is the contrast between this hannah and the one who has gone on dates with customers. It's like two different people. One is a person who is more comfortable about who she is and how attractive she is. And is not a afraid to take a chance. The other, from this article, is a person who is not comfortable being assertive and in charge and worried about getting rejected when she asserts her personality.

Now I only serve at a small fine dining restaurant in Kentucky but we would never ask anyone if that is all they meant to leave and I have been left less than 10% a few times. You usually deduce that they are just cheap because they also split a beer but I would prefer sending the manager over and asking if they enjoyed everything. Then if they have a problem they can comfortably express it to someone besides the server...otherwise you just deal with it and go on!

i would not be offended if a server were to ask me why i left X tip amount. either i was in a food/wine coma and miscalculated or i was truly unhappy (very rare!). i'd rather be called on it. i made a mistake on a tip once, but it was two weeks later when i was going through receipts in my "george costanza" wallet that i realized i made a mistake. i went back with it & added a generous tip because i felt so bad & we had such a nice meal.

I was always afraid of NYC - as a small town girl, I know I am a bumpkin. This thread has convinced me that I will never visit there. I know I'll make a mistake and piss off a whole bunch of people.

It's definitely an uncomfortable situation, but I agree with those who think Hannah handled it tactfully. It also sounds like the customer responded admirably. Personally, I wish servers would question such egregiously low tips--not to say, "did you mean to give me this little?" but simply to ask if everything was okay. I say this because I've dined with a few people who tip ridiculously poorly for no particular reason; in most cases, it's because they haven't re-calculated proper tip percentages since the '40s or '50s. The family patriarch will grab the check and proudly pay it, leaving a "standard" 10% tip. Perhaps because the guilty parties are elderly, no server has ever commented, and the others at the table feel unable to say anything because we must thank them for the meal. This is why I actually really like checks that come with the option to select 15%, 18%, or 20%; at least that way no one's going to get completely screwed, and 18%, while not ideal, looks like the standard.

I'm inclined to agree with those who suggest throwing this to the manager. There's nothing wrong with asking "Is/Was everything okay for you?" when picking up the check/money, but coming back after the fact because you were unhappy with the tip is more than a little presumptuous. (As a reasonably well-to-do New Yorker with friends who make their livings in service industries, I start tipping at 18% for average service, and have gone as high as 33% for stellar. I've also left a deliberately insulting tip to a waiter who was insufferably insulting - left a $0.25 tip on a $25.00 tab - and never ate there again.)

@emoelely, it's funny that you say that about the large tip, because that's actually happened to us. We tend to go back to the same select restaurants regularly and tip well. But at Christmas, we will usually give a bigger tip to whichever server at whichever restaurant is the one to serve us the last time we go out for dinner before the holiday. Usually, it's someone who has served us quite a few times before, and they know what kind of tip to expect on a regular night. So when they get the extra-big tip, we've actually had them ask if we meant to do that.

We also once had someone chase a group of us down after a meal, but it was an error on the restaurant's part as well as ours. The way they ran the receipts for the meal, there were separate totals for food and for drinks and nowhere were they added together. We assumed that the larger amount on the front of the bill was the total, and we paid and tipped based on that. It would have been barely enough to pay the total bill, and that's not at all what we had intended.

I don't recall if it was the server or a manager who talked to us. Frankly, I'd prefer if it was a manager who would do something like this, though, because if a server was so horrible that I wanted to leave a lousy tip, I wouldn't want to confront the server at the end of the night on top of everything else. I'd rather tell a manager what the problems were.

And no, bad service from one server might not be enough to keep me from going back to a restaurant. We've actually had occasions where we had bad service from one particular server after having repeated good service from other servers at the same place. A manager should know about something like that, and then decide if we were jerks or if the problem was the server.

I don't get the "don't tip on the tax" thing, what is it, another 1.5%? Who bothers doing the math on 1.5%?

My dad worked in Manhattan restaurants back in the 1960's and he did once witness a waiter get punched after complaining about a lousy tip (actually the dude returned it to the customer, kind of a "here, I don't want it" deal) but that was a different era.

@leilah - It's completely different not to tip in a country where servers make living wage + tips than it is to tip where servers make $2 or whatever it is now + tips.

@Cassaendra - I have some work days where I don't get as much done as on other days. Maybe I'm under the weather or feeling out of sorts, and I just am not as efficient as I could be. I'm a good worker, but once in awhile that happens. Nevertheless, I still get paid for being at work, even when I'm only doing an "average," rather than stellar job. Servers aren't paid if someone decides their service is only "average" and therefore doesn't tip or tips badly. And in fact, because servers have taxes deducted assuming a certain percentage (I think I've read 12%) tip on each bill, they actually lose money anytime someone tips less than that.

It's a bad system, and I wish servers were just paid good wages so we didn't have to worry about it. But in the meantime, don't punish service staff for working within the tip-based system. Don't go out to eat if you can't or won't tip adequately.

@jabby, i'm totally with you. I'm sick of all the people who read this column commenting that because they once held a service job, they understand that tipping 20% is the only decent thing to do because servers work hard and we should all pay up for it. Bull. Waiting tables is not charity -- there are plenty of people that work harder than servers and they don't get tips (firefighters, cops, etc). If you aren't willing to get the bad tip here and there than you should not be a server, period. Although i ususally *do* tip 20%, the idea that i should be mandated to do so because otherwise my server is not paid well enough makes my blood boil. Frankly, i could care less about the server -- i'm not in the restaurant to see *them*. I'm there for the food, i'm there to see my friends, i'm there for the atmosphere. If anything, i wish i didn't have to deal with a waiter, who will likely interrupt my conversation to tell me about the specials (not their fault by any means, but the way it works). Service is a secondary interest, at best, and the server's ability to pay rent is the last thing on my mind (as it should be. again, i'm not eating out so i can feel guilty or like i should be contributing to charity).

On a separate point, to those of you who pointed out that if you can't afford to leave a 20% tip in this recession then you shouldn't eat out. BULL, again! Hannah even mentioned in her column that this was a particularly slow night. I ask you: would you prefer to get a bad tip on a slow night, or NO tip because there are no customers and you're just sitting around? The recession affects everyone, and i don't see why people think that servers should somehow be exempt from that -- not that i'm saying that undertipping is justified in a bad economy, but again, a 20% tip cannot be mandated, socially or otherwise.

Sigh.

I hate to appear callous, but I think approaching your customers regarding their amount of tip is inappropriate.

While I can imagine how hard it must be to be a waitress and greatly appreciate a friendly server who treats me well, the fact still remains that a tip is optional. It is to reward service that you are especially appreciative of. Yes, we have a "standard" tip that is usually observed, but I don't believe this should be seen as mandatory. If a server is not compensated by their patrons as much as the server believes they deserve, it is unfortunate (especially after working so hard) but does not warrant asking for more.

Tip is optional. It is a "thank you" from the patron. I do not think this action was ballsy. It was rude to insinuate that they did not leave you enough. You would not approach someone who gave you a gift and ask why they did not give you a more expensive one. In the same way, I don't see how you could do this for tip.

@Big B: Friends don't choose their friends based upon how they tip. Sure they'll tell their cheap friends not to go to your restaurant but they'll tell also tell all of their generous friends that your restaurant's coffee tastes like dick too.

Everyone deserves good service, even poor tippers. Now, if you want to give your big tippers GREAT service I think that it makes a lot of sense to put extra effort into those that appreciate your service. But intentionally giving less than good service to poor tippers shows more to your lack of character than it does theirs.

I see both sides, as usual. If a waitress asked me if the tip I left was intentional, I would be happy to explain to her why it was low, and go from there. I for one won't be tipping you the customary 20% if you did a poor job. I tip well for good service, and poorly for poor service(funny how that works!). If a server approached me to question what I felt was a fair/good tip, I would probably go as far as speaking to the manager and removing the tip. I don't know what the exact laws are here in Washington, but I think our servers make normal min. wage (please correct me if I am wrong!). I had a server recently add 18% to our bill as we were a party of 8. Never mind that only 3 of us weren't sleeping infants in strollers!

I think you're within your rights to ask customers if everything was OK, but to explicitly mention the tip is really, really crass.

If they miscalculated, a polite enquiry should be enough to make them check the numbers; an outright questioning could insult them. If they really had a beef, they may feel bullied into giving you more -- but they probably won't come back. And if they're just cheap, pointing it out won't accomplish anything. Either way, you lose.

Tipping in America will always be a hot topic button. But do you think it will change anytime soon? Do you think business will decide- no more tips let's pay everyone $15/hr instead. No restaurant is going to do that, and if you are a really good server you score twice that amount by the end of the night. That's why people do it. Unless it becomes a law to abolish tipping and require business to shoulder the burden of that labor cost I don't see it happening.

And I would normally say hand it to a manager in most cases, managers do keep a metal tally of who to keep and who to burn in these tough times, but this is NYC and if they can't tell you to your face what the problem was then NYC peeps have a reputation they don't deserve. Also doesn't Hannah pool tips? So a bad tip is really averaged out by the worth of the restaurant as a whole? Is that better or worse than a standard "keep everything you earn" establishment?

I think the point here is not the money- it's communication. And wouldn't the world just run better if we all communicated better to each other? You tell me what you think, I tell you what I think-

- Was everything ok?
- No. You are a bad server
- It wasn't a mistake?
- No, you were definately a bad server

If this happens more than a few times then the server should consider a job change. Not everyone is meant to be a server.

Isn't that better than spending the whole night wondering why? Nobody want to spend their whole life without any feedback.

As a former, long-time server myself I fall somewhere in the middle. The only time I would have ever approached a table was if they left absolutely no tip, and all I would have said was "Was everything ok?" I never would have said anything about the tip. Sending a manager over is just usually not an option on a busy night unless you have something legitimately wrong, such as a complaint, a re-fire, etc. If I had told a manger, hey, table 2 is getting ready to leave, I gave them great service, just picked up the book and they left me zero tip, they would assume I did something wrong, even if I said I didn't, or they would say that's the breaks, people are cheap. They're not going to take time out of their busy night to run over and try to discern why the people are cheap tippers.

If they did tip *something* but it just wasn't up to what you think it should be, IMO you should never, ever approach the customer about it. Trying to indicate that they made some kind of "mistake" by undertipping will do nothing but embarrass both you and their entire party and will leave a bad taste in everyone's mouth, no matter what they said at the time. I can guarantee some of that party will not be back because of what you pointed out. You just try to make it up on other tables or on other shifts, it's the nature of working at a job where you depend on tips for income.

I do heartily agree with the people who called out the early poster who said hey, times are tight, I can't tip as much as I used to. That is just wrong. That's why there are places like McDonald's, where the workers are all paid minimum wage and nobody is serving you and depending on your tip to make up what they're not getting by the hour. Don't go to a service restaurant if you can't afford to tip.

Wow. Go you! That story about the tip was inspiring. I also rarely stand up for myself but it just goes to show that sometimes good comes of it.

I hope that the next time is easier.

you gotta card people looking teenagers because if you don't the restaurant might get in trouble and get fined. that's bad business for everyone especially after repeated offenses, the liquor license may be revoked and that is bad for all around. that is your job and responsibility, especially when you work at the bar. now if you look like cloris leachman, then maybe not so much checking id.

regarding the tip, there are 80 different ways about this and the answer for me is everyone is right and entitled to their opinions. we all do things differently and different situations calls for different tactics. hannah did what she felt she had to do at the time and that was to speak up--now will she do it hereafter? maybe, maybe not, but her feeling was that she busted her chops and they left bupkis...she spoke up and it worked out well, but she also knew she might have had to deal with the other possible outcome of the party going off on her and getting reprimanded. but hannah took a stand one night and she did what she felt was right. we all have moments like that in our lives.

regarding the girl who posted a comment who is a self-proclaimed country bumpkin, don't sweat none of this stuff, come to nyc and experience great food and drinks! no one here is out to get upset over nothing, i can say it would be a bigger crime to not contribute to the local tourism/food economy than worrying about leaving too little of a tip.

The way I see is - you're certainly entitled to ask me about the tip I left. One of two things will happen:

1. I will see that it was a miscalculation (if appropriate) and fix my tip amount.

2. I will see that it was the amount I meant to leave. Any further choices, I make after that will be dependent on the behavior of the waitstaff making the inquiry.

Many years ago, when I was a wise-ass high school/college student, I waited tables in a family-style restaurant. I was a very good server and usually got pretty decent tips from everyone but teenagers (who had no idea about tipping). I had served an older (not elderly) couple the "works" for dinner; i.e., shrimp cocktails, steaks, dessert, etc. and they left me about

I have to have your back on this one. I think that as a concerned, good waitperson it's your responsibility to respond to your table, and a low tip usually indicates unhappiness. It is appropriate for you to make sure your table wasn't unhappy so you can do something about it if they were. (That said, I'm honestly not sure how I'd respond if a waiter challenged my tip, but am sure that I've never tipped so badly - without an already acknowledged problem - that anyone needed to challenge me)

We all deserve to stand up for ourselves. It's not like you're doing this on every check - just in this extreme case. It's no more insulting for you to question the tiny tip than it is for me to negotiate for a higher salary if I think I deserve it. Good for you for knowing and defending your own worth.

Sunshine 6, yes, seriously. I bet that many overly low or overly high tips are the result of people rounding up or down inaccurately and messing up the percentages, and are not reflective of dissatisfaction or satisfaction with service. It's not fair to the server, but he or she is the one who suffers (or gets lucky if the mistake is not in the customer's favor). Really, it can be kind of a mess - something tacked on an otherwise pleasant experience - figuring the tip (if you go straight percentages) or giving a performance review and then figuring the tip according to that. Not what I want at the end of a meal, but of course (as you point out), we're all in a recession and people deserve to be paid for their work. When bad systems happen to good people . . .

I have been one of those customers! Sometimes, particularly when it's a big group of peope, the math gets wonky and the tip gets miscalculated. The one time it happened, the waitress did exactly what you did. We took a look at the bill and a look at the tip, and then realized we were shorting her a well-earned $20. I was so glad she spoke up -- I would have hated to be an inadvertent miser. I always pride myself on giving decent tips because I know that serving is a tough job.

Rather than picking on the writer of this article I have to say that I am shocked at how many grown-ups don't know how to calculate a 20% tip (my standard amt.). It seems like simple math to me, but still my fellow diners will struggle severely to figure it out. And they don't seems unsmart in every other way. Luckily the cell phone makers have caught on and many newer cell phones have a tip calculator--but come on, it's not that hard to begin with.
I am glad you spoke up Hannah, 'cause folks just don't know how to do simple math.

My husband will tip every waiter/waitress - even when they don't deserve it. If you don't have to ask for anything, that's an automatic 20-25% tip. However, the one thing that my husband absolutely hates is the phrase "Did you need any change?" when paying the bill in cash. To him, that is an automatic deduction, no matter how good everything went.

@wannabetvchef I'd like to know where you heard of this "federally mandated 10% gratuity" because I have never heard of it and it smells like BS. Links, please.

WOW. There is a lot of pent up anger over the tipping debate, but I would have to agree with Hannah on this one. Servers make a substantial amount LESS than other fields and regardless, they are there to SERVE you. Take your order, bring you food or drinks, grab the check, etc. This is usually what I base a standard 15-20% tip on. If the server is exceptionally friendly, fun or even throws in something useful (a round of drinks, great info about local happenings, etc) then I up it to 25-30%

Nothing pisses me off more than when people talk down to servers, boss them around, stay on their cellphones while ordering, or expect incredibly high demands without paying for it. Servers do not equal servants.

If you can't afford the tip, just don't want to pay up, or take the menu the way it comes, stay home.

@minonda, i would like to know what, specifically was mean-spirited or petty about my comment. Furthermore, i would like to point out that volunteer firemen (as many of them are) do not get a regular salary, benefits, or vacation days. I am *much* more grateful for the service they provide than the person who takes my order and brings food to my table. I would argue most people would agree with me on that.

@Duncan 1205...what happened then???!!! Fill us in...