Served: Why Not to Date Customers (One Day I Will Learn)
I blog by day and wait tables in a New York City restaurant by night. I'm excited to bring you Served, dispatches from the front of the house. Enjoy!
Yesterday was one of those days: I was feeling pretty awful. I had a vast number of pages to write, a deficit of sleep, and my head throbbed annoyingly. To top it off, a mighty constellation of pimples had materialized on my chin. I tried to work some magic with concealer before I left for work. But makeup wouldn’t do it. The pimples were too red and vicious and gross. I felt totally, unbearably gross.
But I Soldiered On
Once I got to work, things started to look up. I had an enormous cup of coffee. People poured in, and soon the bar was packed and I was off and running. Distraction is a great cure for misery. I chatted; I made small talk. I poured glass after glass of wine, sang my praises for our cream cheese sticky buns with cream cheese ice cream (hallelujah!), bussed tables, explained what fol epi is (a mild, sweet, pressed cheese from France that melts really well).
I was functioning and feeling un-horrible. Then E. walked in.
E. used to come in to my place enough to accrue regular status. I haven’t seen him for months. E. is very smart, very sarcastic, and likes to talk a lot. He’s a successful entrepreneur, but his real passion is trapeze. He takes a lot of time off, travels the world, and performs flying through the air.
In January, he sat at the bar and we commiserated about our breakups. His: his girlfriend of several years who wanted to marry him. Mine: a guy I had been seeing for not quite six months. Then, he asked me out for oysters. Disinclined to say no to oysters, and intrigued by E., I met him at Grand Central Oyster Bar a few days later.
E. and I got along really well, or so I thought. We made another date (his idea, not mine), which he cancelled that afternoon. I left for a vacation, came home, and never heard from him again.
Until Last Night
“Hi!” I walked around the bar and gave him a hug. “What’s up?”
“You look great,” he said, which made me wish that actually looked great. Why did he have to come by on pimply day?
We talked for a few minutes about nothing in particular. He’s one of those guys who is really good at that. I had to get back behind the bar, which was full of people snaking their heads to get my attention.
Then his date walked in. His date! Am I sure that it was a date? Not entirely. Maybe 90 percent sure—it looked quite datey.
“What a dog,” P. chimed in in empathy after I told her the story. P. was serving their table. “Are you sure it’s a date?” she asked me.
“You’re waiting on them, what do you think?”
“A date.”
Fine. It wasn’t like I tossed and turned all night, thinking of E.. I wasn’t going to let him and his date at my restaurant get to me. Or that’s what I told myself.
Love the Skin You’re In?
Back at the bar, a gorgeous woman who used to work with my boss drank pinot blanc and ordered some cheese. She introduced herself, and we got to talking.
“How old are you?” she asked, out of nowhere.
“21.”
“You’re so young!” she said. “I knew it, cause you have the most beautiful skin.”
No shit, I thought. I said, “It’s so funny you say that. I was freaking out all day about breaking out.”
“Trust me,” she promised, “your skin is glowing.” And I decided to try the best I could to trust her. Why not?
Just Say No
We keep our red wine on shelves by the bathroom. I went to grab a bottle of tempranillo, and bumped into E., who was waiting in line.
“Excuse me,” I said.
“Are you working tomorrow night?”
“Nope.”
“Want to see a show with me”
“I have plans.” I did have plans. And I couldn’t believe E. was asking me out after blowing me off. And asking me out while on a date.
“You don’t want to miss it,” he promised. I shrugged. “I’ll call you,” he said. I got my wine and went back to work. When I looked over at E.’s table, he and his date were gone.
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24 Comments:
Thank you for the good story; true stories are so much better than fiction!
Sorry to be picky - (but if you're at Columbia, the bar is already pretty high) - but in the last line, you mean "he and the date," right?
serious1 at 9:24AM on 04/07/09
Sounds like a player.
There's nothing wrong with dating multiple people, but canceling on you, not calling, showing up months later and then asking you out again - especially while he's on a date - is icky. Hell, asking you out while he's on a date with someone else is icky enough. At least he could have called you after the date was over.
It is possible that you didn't look as bad as you thought you did. No one (except maybe our mothers) scrutinizes us like we scrutinize ourselves and people generally don't stare at us at a mirror's distance.
CanadianFoodieGirl at 10:33AM on 04/07/09
Good post! At this point I'm positively dying to know what restaurant you work at because a cream cheese bun with cream cheese icing sounds positively divine. Any chance you could email me? I promise not to spread the word!
Laurs87 at 10:34AM on 04/07/09
It sounds like E. is enjoying his freedom to play the field after losing the marriage-minded girlfriend, so he's probably not looking for exclusivity. He probably won't see that girl again anytime soon or any other girl, for that matter. So don't fret about him at all; he's going to do what he wants in an attempt to "recuperate" from the loss.
Jikuu at 10:36AM on 04/07/09
Served: This Is Not a Dating Column
Sure about that? How about writing about... well, food? Most of your columns seem to revolve around guys that you date / would like to date / used to date.
You obviously enjoy working with food and are around lots of dishes most non-foodies don't have a chance to see, let alone try. Let us live vicariously through you. We're interested in Serious Eats, not Serious Meets.
eddie_lomax at 10:39AM on 04/07/09
@eddie: this column is about working in the front of the house. Which is all about interactions and relationships. From the perspective of a waiter or waitress, the job is not really about food. Restaurants are very much about socializing. I think these stories are entirely appropriate in painting an accurate picture of restaurant life.
simon at 10:53AM on 04/07/09
Thank you, Simon! Though I do think restaurant jobs are a *little* about the food, they're also about the personalities behind the food. I enjoyed reading this for that reason.
Oh, and Hannah, E. is a jerk. Don't waste another thought on him. Be the one that got away.
Tokyorosa at 11:19AM on 04/07/09
@simon, thanks. and you're right. although non-dating related columns are coming soon. promise.
Hannah Howard at 11:20AM on 04/07/09
This is just like reading Cosmo! How DELICIOUS!
I agree with eddie.
njgood at 11:54AM on 04/07/09
E is icky. And I like hearing about your experiences, food or otherwise. Keep 'em coming.
KBestOliver at 12:06PM on 04/07/09
I have to agree with eddie too....sure, front-of-house is a very social job, but these stories are not about what's unique in restaurant work, they could happen in any workplace (minus the the wine!). More of a personal blog, than a restaurant worker blog.
(And I really hate criticising from outerspace, but I have to say it....the random boldface is driving me insane, as well as a subtitle for every paragraph) Sorry, maybe not appropriate criticism here, but at least look at the topic issues....I would really like to enjoy your column about restaurant life!
Cary at 12:32PM on 04/07/09
I think you handled yourself with grace. How arrogant to ask you out while on a date.
healthygirl78 at 1:10PM on 04/07/09
He's a DOG. I hope you'll tell him where to step off if he calls. :-)
DrGaellon at 1:35PM on 04/07/09
Considering that all of these things happened at work, and this is a blog about Hannah's work, I think the content is entirely appropriate.
Cebca at 2:31PM on 04/07/09
I think women get way too serious about things way too fast these days.
One dinner out does not make a relationship. So to call this guy a "Player" and a "dog" just after one canceled (especially without finding out why he canceled or where he's been) is just so ridiculously over the top I can't even believe it.
And how do you know he was on a date with this other woman if you didn't ask? I have a lot of guy friends who I go out to dinner with on a regular basis. Anyone who didn't know us might think we were also "on a date". But really we're just friends having dinner together.
People need to lighten up.
karacooks at 5:11PM on 04/07/09
I'm curious to know if anything "happened" that night, after the oysters. If not, then there's really nothing to get upset about.
simon at 6:25PM on 04/07/09
O_o
Zelnox at 10:19PM on 04/07/09
@karacooks: Exactly.
@Hannah: If you are 21 and still in college, and E is already, "...a successful entrepreneur...," who "...takes a lot of time off, travels the world, and performs flying through the air," and has had a, "...girlfriend of several years who wanted to marry him." It would seem that you two are in vastly different places in terms of experience. Probably not meant to be anything but casual right now, so perhaps just take it for what it is and enjoy it with fewer projections and a little less cargo, or you could just tell me how insensitive I am. ;) One of two those things.
PommeDG at 2:48PM on 04/11/09
ahhh, the restaurant business, one of the few workplaces offering a front row ticket to exes' love lives.
as for the projections/analyzing, nothing makes a shift go faster! plus, you've got to have something to talk about while enjoying a post-shift mood adjuster.
dmarina at 12:08PM on 04/12/09
Enjoy the moment. Go out with him if you want to. Skip it if you don't. You are 21, bright and attractive. Do what you feel like. You've got years before you need to devote such introspection to casual encounters.
JohnFred at 10:15AM on 04/13/09
You can do better.
RI Swampyankee at 11:46AM on 04/13/09
@serious1
I have a degree in Linguistics myself, and I suppose I should be ashamed to say that I have no idea to what grammatical rule you are appealing with that correction. What style guide are you going by?
kazoinker at 6:07PM on 04/13/09
*Ahem*
Which style guide, that is to say.
kazoinker at 6:08PM on 04/13/09
Well, you are 21 and that right there is like having a bench warrant. Good luck, don't confuse complex with intellegence.
Shelleyanne at 7:41PM on 04/13/09