Giant Cheetos vs. Regular Cheetos

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"Giant orange balls are here, Robyn!" exclaimed Adam.

...Huh? I had no idea what he was talking about. And then he showed me the contents of the package and it all made sense. Kind of.

The mystery package contained two bags of Giant Cheetos in regular and "Flaming Hot" flavors. The bags made it seem like the corn-based snacks inside would be the size of baseballs. Never before had I thought, "Man, I wish this Cheetos puff were larger," while eating a regular-sized Cheetos, but now that I held such a product in my hands, I felt mildly excited.

Receiving the package on April 1 made it seem like a joke, but the bags were actually filled with edible substances. So how giant is Giant Cheetos? Find out after the jump.

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Thank you to mouth model Erin Zimmer.

It's pretty big, about the same size and shape of a regular marshmallow. So in the marshmallow world, it is normal sized; in the cheese puff world, it is a fat monster.

Does bigger mean better? Not necessarily. Here's my comparison of Giant Cheetos to three of its diminutive counterparts (actually, they're not that much smaller; they're just not spherical).

Giant Cheetos

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Shape: Marshmallow-sized ball. A fine shape for something soft and slightly chewy—like a marshmallow—but awkward and ultimately uncomfortable when the substance is dry, crunchy corn matter. Methinks there's a reason that cheese snacks larger than bite-sized tend to have a stick-like shape; it's easier to eat that way.

"It's a ball you can eat," said Frito-Lay marketing guru Ann Mukherjee to USA Today, likening it to the stress-relieving properties of a stress ball. I'm not sure eating a crunchy ball is a fair comparison to squeezing a round, squishy object.

Texture: Porous and too hard. I imagine this is what eating a ball of Styrofoam is like. The skin inside my mouth felt sore after being repeatedly scraped by Cheetos shards. Admittedly, I probably ate too many of them.

Nutrition Facts: Per ounce, has the least calories (150), sodium (250mg), and fat (10g), and most carbohydrate (17g) of the four types of Cheetos.

Overall: The least enjoyable of the four.

Regular Cheetos

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Shape: Craggly, skinny non-uniform stick. This is my optimal cheese curl shape.

Texture: Less porous than the Giant and not as hard. Satisfyingly crunchy.

Nutrition Facts: (per ounce) calories, 160; fat, 10g; sodium, 290mg; carbohydrate, 13g

Overall: My favorite of the four.

Cheetos Puff

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Shape: A smile-shaped log.

Texture: Soft and airy. Not much crunch, just kinda disintegrates in your mouth and then sticks to your teeth.

Nutrition Facts: (per ounce) calories, 160; fat, 10g; sodium, 350mg; carbohydrate, 13g

Overall: Kind of a different beast from regular Cheetos, but better than Giant.

Cheetos Swirl

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Shape: A coil. In turn this could remind you of a well-swirled cone of soft serve. Or dog poop.

Texture: Even softer and airier than the puff. Kind of chalky.

Nutrition Facts: (per ounce) calories, 160; fat, 10g; sodium, 350mg; carbohydrate, 13g

Overall: Great if you like foods that are shaped like coils. I assume this appeals to kids or something.

Closing Thoughts

I don't want to eat Cheetos again for a long time. The Giant Cheetos gave me some sort of Cheetos hangover.

I'll take this opportunity to give a shout-out to my favorite childhood cheese puff: Barbara's Bakery Original Cheese Puffs. Not to say that eating a bag of that wouldn't make me feel gross either, but at least they're not fluorescent orange.

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