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Cooking with Kids: Funny Fortunes

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Did you know you can commission custom fortune cookies for a gag gift or fundraiser? My friend’s son’s elementary school did it. Who do you think can write better fortunes, professional cookie scribes or a bunch of kids?

If you guessed “a bunch of kids,” you’re right. Here are some actual fortunes they wrote.

A big whale falls from the sky and squashed you until you’re pretty much dead. Not completely dead, but pretty much.

I hate it when that happens, but it’s nothing compared to this debacle:

In five minutes, you will be attacked by a pear. It will eat you because you were going to eat it.

In the immortal words of Shakespeare: Exit, pursued by a pear.

But nothing prepared me for my own personal fortune, which was written by a first-grade girl who has probably already gone on to write a bestselling series of horror novels.

There’s a lake with a unicorn sitting in short grass. The unicorn will sleep; you will get dragged deep in the forest.

Zen Buddhist horror novels, I mean.

Not every fortune was genius. My wife got one that just said:

You are a donkey.

To keep this food-related, I should say that the cookies themselves were pretty stale. According to my daughter, they “tasted stupid.” Which sounds like the sort of thing a six-year-old would write for a fortune cookie.

About the author: Matthew Amster-Burton lives in Seattle. His work appears frequently in the Seattle Times and Seattle magazine. He also maintains the blog Roots and Grubs. His favorite food is pad Thai.

Printed from http://www.seriouseats.com/2009/02/custom-fortune-cookies-written-by-kids.html

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