'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 8: Unprotected Sex
After last week's "battle of the blands" and Toby Young's raucous entrance, we weren't sure what to expect on this week's episode. It seemed like we might have seen the season's low point, at least we hoped. I also have to confess to feeling a bit more forgiving after watching last night's premiere of Chopped.
[Warning, spoilers ahead.]
Quickfire Challenge: 15 Minutes in the Pantry
Season three winner, Hung Huyhn, is back to serve as this week's Quickfire Challenge judge. Padma reveals what Jeff describes as "a pile of garbage," a spread of cupboard and pantry staples. And in honor of Hung, the "fastest Top Chef in history," the cheftestants will only have fifteen minutes to make a delicious dish using only these pantry staples for the challenge. The kitchen is oddly lacking in gratuitous product placement (aside from the GE Monogram close-ups) and there's even tape over labels. It's oddly disconcerting. When Padma calls time, there's a mad rush for the pantry items and the elbows are flying. In a moment of weakness, Hosea gives Stefan some of his Spam. Radhika (spicy red bean dip with grilled bread) and Jamie (bruschetta with garbanzo beans, artichoke, and smoked mussels) phone it in with their dishes. Stefan wins the challenge and immunity with his baked bean and ham soup with grilled cheese and Spam sandwich. "This is something I'd eat at three in the morning," declares Hung. Hosea, of course, is kicking himself for sharing his Spam with Stefan.
Elimination Challenge: Going Back to Basics
This week's elimination challenge is to create a seasonal meal around a protein. The cheftestants draw knives to determine teams and their proteins—lamb, pig, or chicken. They'll be cooking a family-style lunch including dessert for sixteen guests. The cheftestants finally get a break from the catering gigs, I mean, challenges!
Hosea, Ariane, and Leah are the lamb team; Stefan, Jamie, and Carla are the chicken team; Radhika, Fabio, and Jeff are the pig team. The teams start planning their menus and in the case of Jamie and Stefan, butting heads. Stefan thinks Jamie's cute when she's angry, and Jamie thinks Stefan should let her decide the menu since he has immunity.
5:00 a.m. the next morning, everyone's awake and getting ready to head out. They're on their way to do their shopping when they realize they aren't headed for Whole Foods, but pulling up in front of Blue Hill at Stone Barns where chef Dan Barber and three of the Stone Barns farmers are waiting to greet them. It's "a different kind of whole food" quips Barber. They'll be gathering their ingredients from the farm and preparing lunch for the farmers, staff, and friends. We have a lot of respect for the folks at Stone Barn (we spent some time there this summer talking to the farmers about honeybees and eating some amazing and important food), so this challenge has got our attention. Finally!
As they "shop" for ingredients on the farm, Fabio explains that he's never been a vegetarian, but even so you should treat the animals you eat with respect. "You born, you be raised, and you get killed for the purpose. But still, in this lifetime process, you deserve respect." Meanwhile his sidekick, Stefan, is checking out the hens with his teammates and basking in the glory that is being "the only cock in the stall."
The three teams put together what sound like very compelling menus. Team lamb is up first with roasted duo of lamb, heirloom tomato salad, rosemary and garlic roasted potatoes, Swiss chard, and summer berry trifle. Ariane is in charge of the lamb and struggles to butcher and tie it while Hosea and Leah watch idly. What's on the plate reflects that. The judges are not pleased. "The lamb is a mess," says Dan. It's "lamb dressed as mutton" according to Toby. "This is no way to honor the lamb," says Tom.
Team pork is up next with seared pork loin, sausage ravioli with pesto, fried green tomatoes, and grilled corn salad with bacon. The fried green tomatoes are Jeff's idea, and it works. Fabio's ravioli is overpowered by the pesto. "The big bad wolf which has blown this plate's home down," says Toby.
Team chicken has overcome Jamie and Stefan's battle of the wills and turned out some surprisingly good dishes. Jamie's chicken cutlet and Carla's nectarine and strawberry tartlet get favorable reviews from the judges, especially the tartlet. Dan calls it "intelligently done."
Judgment Time
Padma comes for team chicken: Jamie, Carla, and Stefan. They are the judges' favorite team, and Carla's nectarine and strawberry tartlet is called out as their favorite dish. And now for the winner... They all are winners! Stefan kisses Jamie on the kiss with more feeling than necessary, and then Carla because it'd be rude not to. Woo hoo!
The lamb and pork teams face the judges next, and they aren't keen on Jeff's decision to take the pork off the bone and lose the additional flavor. Tom calls out Radhika for taking three hours to make a salad and help out on dessert. She could be in trouble.
But it's the lamb team that's really in trouble. The rolling, tying, and butchering, oh my! They've done a very bad thing to this baby lamb, and it is clearly the worst dish. Ariane was in charge of its butchering and prep while her more experienced teammates let her flounder. Ed messages me to say, "I think anybody who decided to tenderize baby lamb should not only go home, they should also be sent to chef jail for felonious assault of an already dead baby lamb." Dan is "appalled" that Leah wouldn't own up to her role in the team's failure.
Toby's best quote of the evening is, not surprisingly, inspired by the pork:
When I am faced with a beautiful, well-reared piece of meat, I don't want to stand back and admire it, I want to have full-blown unprotected sex; I didn't even get to first base with the pork.
Zing! Even so, it's not enough to save Ariane from going home. You've come a long way, baby. Ed and I agree that it was a good episode. The Stone Barns challenge was totally legit—it felt real, not artificial. As for Leah, she dodged a bullet this week.
Related
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 7: Toby Young Rocks
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 6: It's a Wonderful Kitchen
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 5: Stefan Is a Snarky Button-Pusher, But Knows Turmeric
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 4: Accents Are Good for TV
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 3: Food Fighters
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 2: It's a Dog Eat Dog World
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 1: And So It Begins
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25 Comments:
It's sad to watch talented young chefs demeaning themselves--and their gifts by doing the equivalent of mud wrestling. If this be a test of skills, let the skills be real instead of the low end carnival stuff which is no better than what the gladiators in Rome's Colliseum had to do. I wonder if some of these erudite "judges" would ever allow themselves to put up with that cr*p to prove themselves.
mymymichl at 2:44AM on 01/15/09
Ariane, meet the bus. Bus, meet Ariane. Go on you two, go mingle.
maered at 2:59AM on 01/15/09
If we are going to continue the Great Toby Young Debate: he was infinitely more tolerable this week, but that bizarre sex comment was so canned I just rolled my eyes.
And while some thing Stefan is this season's villain, I think I Jeff is far worse. Now theres a man who loves himself.
blahthequah at 6:01AM on 01/15/09
Oh! And Jeff totally annoys me because he reminds me of Vince of Sham Wow! And the crapper chopper whatever it is.
blahthequah at 6:49AM on 01/15/09
I was happier with TC last night than I have been since last season. First, I was THRILLED to see them on a farm, with their food. (Unlike my sister who commented "EW, I don't wanna see my food alive!). I was devestated with what happened with the lamb, such a tasty creature, but I was glad to see Jaime less arrogant than last week.
If the show continues to climb upward, I may be completely satisfied by the end of the season.
veggieout at 7:35AM on 01/15/09
Tom's "honoring the protein" nonsense is getting old. Toby is a glib twit who is already tiresome. They oughta stop getting chefs out of kindergarten and have more with maturity and experience.
gfweb at 7:48AM on 01/15/09
I was just wondering how long Jamie was going to look to see if there was such a thing as canned scallops. I'm assuming that since Stone Barns isn't near the ocean that scallops were out of the question there. Oh, I know what we can do. We'll make soup!
I loved the trip to Stone Barns. If you ever get a chance to go, it's a cool place.
Can someone please tell me why Jamie and Carla didn't just totally ignore anything that Stefan said (since he had immunity), and do whatever they wanted? What's he going to do to them?
Carla may just be the smartest of all of them for perfecting a tart crust and using available fruit as filling, every time there's a dessert needed.
I like Toby over Gail even if some of his critiques seem contrived.
dineomite at 8:49AM on 01/15/09
I'm a little confused about the whole sequence of the shows. A couple of episodes ago, there was no elimination because of "holiday spirit." And yet here we are seemingly in late summer or early fall on an 80+ degree day cooking with seasonal ingredients, such as green tomatoes and sweet corn, 30 miles north of NYC. What holiday was it a few episodes ago? Independence Day? Labor Day? Seems a bit odd to me. Regardless of that, I was thrilled to see the chefs at the farm. I love our farmer's market and roadside stands--not to mention growing my own herbs and veggies. Now I have to peruse the seed catalogs and fantasize about digging in the dirt--a bit of a stretch on this 5 degree day.
dhorst at 8:57AM on 01/15/09
I meant to mention that I am certainly aware that the shows are filmed way before they're shown, but there's just something so fake about Christmas in July that offends me. And perhaps I'm just jealous seeing that fresh produce and warm weather.
dhorst at 9:35AM on 01/15/09
This was filmed in the late summer early fall but they used the holiday thing since it was aired around christmas time.
Toby is getting on my nerves. His comments are so prepared you know he writes them before the taping and throws them in whenever he can.
btw... what was ariane using to butcher that baby lamb, a butter knife? I've seen tigers get the meat off the bone better.
ESNY1077 at 9:37AM on 01/15/09
All this talk of meat, bones, unprotected sex, and whatever "honoring the protein" turns out to be is making me randy.
shoneyjoe at 10:24AM on 01/15/09
i'm getting tired of this honoring the protein crap. you how you honor the baby lamb? DON'T FUCKING KILL IT. of course, i eat dead animal all the time, so i obviously have no respect for nature.
the fresh tomatoes were make me drool and long for summer.
was it just me, or was this episode a little too overloaded with the double entendres?
thursdaynightsmackdown at 10:32AM on 01/15/09
I think they may have been beating the 'honor the protein' drum last night because the challenge was to feed the dead animals to the people who had actually raised them. I imagine it must have been incredibly disappointing to see the lack of thought and care taken in preparing that lamb when you're one of the farmers whose labor helped raise the animal.
It does seem like the talent level this season is not up to par with the past two seasons.
Buckethead at 10:50AM on 01/15/09
I'm sorry, but Ariane was robbed. Yes, it was dumb to tenderize already-tender baby lamb (on top of taking it off the bone). But those to a-holes, Hosea & Leah, let her founder b/c, overall, she's turned out to be a stronger contestant. At least Ariane stepped up to a challenge that she freely admitted was probably too much while Leah, who knew better, did nothing (or worse, a half-hearted effort to shore up Ariane's work).
When will these idiots learn that in a team challenge, if you let one team member falter, the ship goes down and you all look bad.
AlisonEats at 10:59AM on 01/15/09
Hmmm.... come on y'all. Let's talk Leah for a minute. Yuck. She's been sort of whiny all season, and last night she was horrendous. I can't believe she didn't go home.
I know Ariane was the obvious choice - SHE was the one who "killed" the lamb, but I was deeply annoyed with the other two, particularly Leah. (Who had the gall to sit and whisper with Hosea while waiting for judgement. That was super icky.)
Elizabelle at 11:07AM on 01/15/09
I cannot stand Leah, she has done nothing but whine, cook mediocre to crap food and paw at Hosea the entire time. I agree that Ariane was robbed. Her team mates hung her out to dry. Leah's "help" in tying the lamb was half assed and she didn't care. Both she and Radika deserved to go home for being "Top Sous Chef".
And remember, Ariane wanted to grill the lamb but it was Leah that brought up the roulade thing. Ariane didn't want to do that but decided to be a team player. Too bad she was the only one on the team with any integrity.
vox8ight at 11:27AM on 01/15/09
What's with all the typos in this article?
bearsonawire at 12:17PM on 01/15/09
@bearsonawire: It's one of the hazards of late night blogging.
Alaina Browne at 12:42PM on 01/15/09
As I was watching most of the contestant's reaction to the really fresh animal protein, and their almost automatic "let's de-bone it, tie it, palliard it" approach to the challenge, I was right in line behind Tom. My first thought was that have we been pistol-whipped by the food industry, including supermarkets, that we automatically think about having to over-process our proteins before we cook them? Do any of us go for the bone-in roast at the meat counter for anything but the most special of meals? Stuff to think about, and I wonder if the judges discussed that issue at all. I didn't hear it mentioned last night.
bronxbrinergal at 12:58PM on 01/15/09
I can't believe that they let Leah off for another week - she's never at the top and has done well to just kinda hang in the middle and hope that no one sees that she's not as talented as she thinks... i think she's next to be eliminated...
megalo08 at 1:16PM on 01/15/09
Am I the only person who was glad to see Arine go? I practically started jumping up and down. I mean, how many darn times do we have to see her cook lamb, and not even very well, either!
rvyborney at 1:56PM on 01/15/09
Sorry to see Ariane go...especially since she was so obviously thrown under the bus by the two love birds. I hope Leah (does she want some cheese with her whine??) goes after next week. The preview for next weeks show hints at why she is still around. As for the challenge, how cool to "shop" at a farm. I spent a good part of the evening wondering why they chose to debone the pork and lamb...keeping the bone just adds to the flavor. Why creme brulee--such a fall dessert--when they good have gone with a fresh fruit pudding or a fool....
jsd517 at 2:40PM on 01/15/09
@rvyborney - I was happy to see her go, too. I never saw any talent in her, and I think her leave was way overdue...she should have been sent home after Padma had spit her sugary-lemony concoction back in the beginning of the season. I'm slightly puzzled by all the love she's getting, considering what we've seen from her all season (from watermelon & feta salad to deviled eggs. Don't get me wrong, I love both. But it's not the kind of food I'd expect from the Top Chef - I want to see something that can inspire me, not remind me of my grandmother. And I love my grandmother, and her food was actually brilliant, but that's not the point...and I digress) - and that would include her wins, too.
That said, if there was ever a time to send 2 cheftestants home, it was last night, and Leah should have joined her. As far as I understood, by the way, Arianne volunteered to cook the lamb because that's what "she was good at". Oh well.
brooke29 at 3:38PM on 01/15/09
I thought the most offensive part of the night was the quickfire - they were all so dismissive of the food they were provided. When Jeff was first quoted as saying there was a pile of "garbage" i was reminded of that quickfire a couple seasons back with the vending machine challenge (one of them turned out some chocolate thing with a cheese doodle sticking out, remember?). But as it turns out the "garbage" they had to work with was.....canned peas! I'm usually defending these chefs to my TC Viewing Party who always rant about their level of pretension. But last night I could totally understand. Canned peas/beans/marinated artichokes/white bread/peanut butter - these are not things for "housewives who have little time" (thanks Radhika, you've offended both housewives and working women who ACTUALLY don't have any time). Spam and Velveeta are a little skeevy, but there were so many shots of them acting repulsed over this "fake" food. Come on!
Otherwise, good episode. Heh. I love Dan Barber!!
teenagefoodie at 4:24PM on 01/15/09
Amen to those complaining about Tom's new "honor the protein" kick that he's been on all season. Frankly, it's weird. Is Tom telling us that he's never served a boneless, defatted cut of meat before? I just have visions of him running around the TC kitchen late a night, wild-eyed and scruffy, screaming "Respect the meat, respect the meat!!"
bcsuka at 6:53AM on 01/16/09