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'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 10: 'Monkey Ass Filled with Fried Banana'

20081119-topchef-season5.jpgIt's Wednesday night, which means Ed and I have our DVRs ready to go and our IM windows open. We can almost see the light at the end of the Top Chef Season 5 tunnel and it's illuminated by the glow of the remaining chefs: Jamie, Stefan, Fabio, Carla, Hosea, Leah, and Jeff. Carla believes she dodged a bullet last week, and it seems that Leah and Hosea are ready to get back to cooking now that they've broken the tension with last week's kiss which Leah swears is not going to happen again. So let's get to it! It's time for the Quickfire Challenge.

[Warning, spoilers ahead.]

Quickfire Challenge: Football Squares, Top Chef Style

Padma introduces this week's guest judge, Scott Conant, chef at New York City's Scarpetta, a New York Times 3 star Italian restaurant [Note: Ed gave Scarpetta an A- when he reviewed it last June]. The Super Bowl is right around the corner, so this week's Quickfire Challenge is Football Squares, Top Chef Style. Each square across the top of the grid has a key ingredient, and down the side of the grid a food group. Before the reveal, each chef writes his name in a square of his choosing. Food groups are revealed first: vegetables, fruits, nuts and grains, seafood, meat, poultry, dairy. Fabio is none too pleased to get vegetables: "No reason to eat vegetables when there is meat and fish around." But the big reveal comes with the key ingredient, which is OAT, OAT, OAT... it's the Quaker Oats Quickfire Challenge!

Oh boy. Where's our senior oatmeal bureau chief when we need her?! The chefs are off and as usual, Jeff has more ideas than he knows what to do with. "He can't quiet the creative monkeys," says Carla. And as you can guess, what ends up on the final plates is a whole lot of Quaker-oat crusted ________. It's hard to get a good read on Conant as he tastes all the dishes, but if there's one sure thing it's that Fabio's Quaker-oat crusted eggplant is the worst of the bunch. Conant doesn't like Leah's Quaker Oat-crusted branzino and mussels with escarole and bacon (the fish is not well-cooked and clashes with the bacon), or Jeff's "very brown and heavy" Quaker-oat crusted chicken paillard, grits, and fried zucchini. Contant does like Stefan's banana mousse with Quaker oats and Quaker oat-almond petit fours, and awards Stefan his fifth straight win. There's no immunity, but Padma informs everyone Stefan will have an "useful advantage" in the next challenge.

Elimination Challenge: Top Chef Bowl

Padma sends the chefs to the stew room where there's a surprise for them—chef jerseys! It's Top Chef Bowl and time to meet the opposition: The Top Chef All-Stars: Andrew D'Ambrosi, Season 4; Josie Smith-Malave, Season 2; Andrea Beaman, Season 1; Spike Mendelsohn, Season 4; Camille Becarra, Season 3; Nikki Cascone, Season 4; Miguel Morales, Season 1. They'll be cooking head-to-head, celebrating the regional cuisine of a NFL team. Because Stefan won the Quickfire Challenge, he gets to choose the team and the chef he's cooking against. He chooses the Dallas Cowboys, cooking against Andrea from season 1. It's a strategic move—Andrea got the boot early on in season 1 and is known as the vegetarian chef. The chefs will compete at the Institute for Culinary Education in front of the students, and only have twenty minutes to cook; head-to-head losers are eligible for elimination; they have two hours of advance prep and ingredient review. The rest of the chefs choose their teams and the match-ups are announced:

Miami Dolphins: Jeff vs Josie
Greenbay Packers: Fabio vs Spike
Seattle Seahawks: Hosea vs Miguel
New York Giants: Leah vs Nikki
San Francisco 49ers: Jamie vs Camille
New Orleans Saints: Carla vs Andrew

It's prep time and Jamie is blanking, Jeff and Josie are feeling good as they both know the flavors of Miami, and Fabio is fussing: "It's not cooking, it's rushing... If they're gonna give me monkey ass filled with fried banana, I'll come up with something anyway. It's not a problem."

The next morning, the chefs arrive at the "first ever" Top Chef Bowl. The rules: Two chefs cook per round, judges' vote scores a touchdown (7 points), 5 fan tasters' vote scores a field goal (3 points). Judging today's challenge are Toby Young, Scott Conant, Tom, and Padma. Here's how it played out:

New York Giants are up first, Leah vs Nikki
Leah: New York strip with creamed corn, snap peas, arugula salad
Nikki: Chicken livers onions and goat cheese on toasted challah
Leah wins the judges' vote. Nikki gets the fans' vote.
All Stars: 3 Home: 7

Seattle Seahawks, Hosea vs Miguel
Hosea: Crispy salmon roll with ginger-blackberry sauce
Miguel: Cedar plank salmon with noodles and mushrooms
Hosea wins judges' vote and fans' vote.
All Stars: 3 Home: 17

New Orleans Saints, Carla vs Andrew
Carla: Crawfish and andouille gumbo over stone-ground grits
Andrew: Crayfish crudo with spicy lime vinaigrette
Carla wins judges' votes. Andrew wins fans' vote.
All Stars: 6 Home: 24

Dallas Cowboys, Andrea vs Stefan
Stefan: Roasted pork with coleslaw and New York steak with corn salad
Andrea: Tex-Mex chili with fried corn chips and guacamole coleslaw
Judges split (Padma and Toby vote for Andrea). Fans all vote for Andrea. Stefan gets ZERO points.
All Stars: 16 Home:24

San Francisco 49ers, Jamie vs Camille
Jamie: Crab cioppino with olives, basil, and toasted sourdough
Camille: Miso sweet potato mash with mustard crab meat and salad
Judges split (Padma and Toby for Jamie), fans' vote for Jamie.
All Stars: 16 Home: 34

Miami Dolphins, Josie vs Jeff
Josie: Warm rock shrimp ceviche w/papaya
Jeff: Rock shrimp ceviche with sangria sorbet
Josie wins judges' vote and fans' vote.
All Stars: 26 Home: 34

Greenbay Packers, Fabio vs Spike
Fabio: Venison with mustard sauce and mache salad with cheddar
Spike: Five-spice venison with port reduction and micro herb salad
Spike wins judges' vote, Fabio gets the fans' vote.

The home team wins! Stefan, Fabio, and Jeff all lost their match-ups, which means they are going to face the judges. But first, the winners. Yay, Carla wins! And it's her first. She'd be happy enough with that, but she also gets two tickets to the Super Bowl. Now for the losers. Jeff served a watered-down version of ceviche. Stefan underestimated the challenge and his challenger and didn't deliver strong flavors. Fabio over-cooked the venison and no matter how much he pleaded with the judges, he wasn't going to convince them otherwise. It's Jeff who's packing his knives tonight. I think Ed is right about Jeff: "He will learn to edit himself and become a good cook, I am sure. He might have the most potential of any of them if he learns restraint." Fabio should have gone home, but what producer is going to get rid of such a prolific sound biter? He even gets one more in, after the judges announce their decision and as Jeff says his goodbye. "I just want to say I do believe in second chances and I think tonight i got the biggest one in all my life." Seems like it's becoming pretty clear that Fabio is all talk and not so much action. Especially compared to Stefan who has been cooking for 23 years; he's no rookie, he better win this thing. Or not. Ed asks a good question: "Should Stefan be eligible for Top Chef if he has been cooking for 23 years; Would Lebron James be eligible to win rookie of the year now that he's been in the league a few years? I don't think so." What say you, serious eaters?

34 Comments:

I must personally thank Carla for being able to win with tofu!

oh, wait, well... I guess I meant to say I was happy to see some tofu in the quickfire (or any challenge for that matter.)

Other than Stefan the contestants this year have been pretty weak. Jamie, Jeff, and Hosea have shown occasional competence, but nothing on the level of past contestants like Hung or maybe Richard (who wasn't really a newcomer either). Stefan blew it this week, but he has been running circles around the other contestants in most episodes.

If they aren't going to have "veterans" like Stefan on the show then the producers need to do a better job of finding talented youngsters.

OK, so I thought that Carla would be going home tonight.

She slid by but will be going next week.

Then it will be:

Leah
Hosea
Fabio
Jamie
And as much as I hate to admit it, the winner will be
Stefan

Its always since to see regional cuisine stereotyped into a few sorts of food. Of course I was happy to see Seattle represented, but we are so much more than salmon.

Stefan is a typical chef. Sorry guys but most top chefs are assertive.
I don't like Stefan for the reasons most of the contestants don't like him. He wants it all his way and he doesn't seem to be able to accept that a woman would not be interested in him.
I am a Fabio fan. Hosea needs to stop sucking face and start cooking.

Fabio is obsessed w/monkey ass.

I loved Andrew's impression of Stefan. "And I am the greatest German chef in the WORLLDDD...and I'm not even GERMAN!" hahahaha.

the show isnt Top Rookie Chef so I don't see any problem with Stefan having 23 years experience?

Stefan most probably has it in the bag and knows it, but I'd love an upset - with Carla! I never thought I'd be her biggest fan, I liked her least of all based on the first ep, but I think she is awesome and a great cook. Go Carla! I was sad to see Jeff go. I thought Leah would be gone long before him. You're right about Fabio's comments keeping him there. He is a hoot. Did you see him kiss his wedding ring for luck? That was endearing. He is funny, charming, cunning and can cook. He could be a contender. But still, go Carla!

fabio has totally charmed me... i giggle like a little girl at him all night...

i love carla--she is such a breath of fresh air, and the producers must be thrilled with the great soundbites she delivers every week. although i think it unlikely she will win, this should do great things for her career, even if she isn't always consistent.

It was good to see Carla win. She's certainly the definition of crazy but it just goes to show that hard work does prevail. She's also a quick learner. Nothing but good things for her, win or lose.

I was disappointed in the Quaker Oat challenge.The chefs were asked to use the oats in a new, creative way. What is new and creative about using the oats as breading? And several of them used that cop out. That's what I would have done. I expected more.

I thought bratwurst would have been a better protein for Green Bay.

I think Fabio dodged a bullet, but I was happy that they kept him around. Eye candy aside, who else can pull off saying, "I'm 30 years old and sleeping in the bunky bed!" I heart you, "Fabrice"...you and your sick mama.

That being said, he's a goner next week, followed by Carla and the lovebirds, leading to a Jamie/Stefan showdown. Jamie's got real chops and I agree with Scott Conant's assesment. But it's going to be Stefan for the win!

Was no one else horrified that Andrew said that he would pee on our asses? Anyway, I was rather disappointed in the Challenge; the chefs didn't get to compete against each other, they had to compete against people that aren't even on the show. I think that Jeff, Stefan and Fabio all got the short end of the fork, and the judges knew it. But they had to eliminate someone! I was sad to see Jeff go. I thought for sure it would have been one of the sappy love birds.

I am so losing in my Top Chef fantasy game.

I really thought Carla was a goner when she decided to do Gumbo in 20 minutes!... Didn't seem like enough time to let all the flavors come together, but she proved me wrong and it was great to see her so super excited to win. Season 5 did good against the "all-stars," but it would have been a different story if they would have brought back the really good chefs from past seasons...these "all-stars" were the dregs of the series...

Fabio should get the Viewer's Favorite award and I hope he will. Carla isn't half as scatterbrained as she appears, but she isn't in the same league as Stefan and Jamie when it comes to cooking. I hope for Stefan to lose although whoever said he is a typical chef is probably right.

As to Stefan's 23 years of service...why should a guy like this be up against someone like Patrick, the goodlooking guy just out of cooking school? True, he was cut in the first episode, but why have such a distance between cheftestants?

I haven't been impressed with this season's cheftestants at all. Other than Stephan and Jaime, none of them seem like they are nearly on the level of season 2-4 cheftestants. I think that any of the top 8 from the last three seasons could blow these guys away without trying.

Fabio is fun to watch but way too inconsistent. Carla is bat-shit crazy. Hosea is a competent cook, but not a chef. Leah doesn't give a crap. Jeff didn't have the cooking chops to keep up with his brain.

I still love the show, but overall, I have been disappointed. No one has wowed me with even one of their dishes yet.

@sunshine: I was happy to see some tofu in the quickfire (or any challenge for that matter.) - ME TOO! AND IT WAS A WINNER!

@sweethunibabi - That was the best impression ever.

I was sort-of happy to see fabio fail--but I'm glad he's not gone. Jeff just wasn't memorable enough for me to be a fan. Carla is beginning to grow on me! (whoda thunk it!?) She's more confident than I thought originally. I'm still rooting for Jamie or Stephan--but it would be cool if Jamie won.

Also, I don't know if im stupid or what but, why would it be difficult to prepare ceviche in a time-crunch? (It's not really football food anyway).

It was nice to see previious-season-ites again.
Do you think they still watch the show?

rvyborney : I too am so losing at the fantasy game.

I still really like Fabio...he has been inconsistent this season, but there are flashes of really good cooking. Carla and Jamie have grown on me...Carla I always liked her "out there" personality, but wondered about her food choices, hopefully she rises to the remaining challenges. As for Jamie, her attitude and personality has softened during the show...she has good skills and I am delighted to see that she can do more than scallops. I don't see Fabio going all the way, sorry to say. Leah needs to go,,,,she really is pointless. Hosea at least has shown some skill. Not so sad to see Jeff go, but Fabio was right about a second chance, I believe that Jeff has been on the block more than Fabio and that is what saved him last night.

As for the final three----Definitely Stephan and Jamie and hopefully Carla.

@jsd517 - I agree that Leah needs to go.

She can't even describe her food. She strikes me as lazy (sorry to judge)

and who are these ALL STARS!?!?!!? they may have been in previous seasons of Top Chef, but they were not the favorites of each of their seasons. Maybe with the exception of Spike and Andrew who were better "tv viewing" than the rest.

On a separate note - I am a FABIO FAN!!! I just heart him... I loved it when he said that they could serve anything at that restaurant and that they would win just because he was in the "front of the house" - and he was right!!!! I need a confident man like that in my life...

I am glad to see Jeff go. He is very arrogant and has very little self control in the kitchen. His dishes are ALWAYS too much! Carla is kooky, and thats just fine, but I don't know if she is good enough to win....

Fabio is darling. Who else can say "bunky bed"?

I was so happy when Carla won!!! I'm not even a "fan" of hers, but she seems like a genuine person, which is rare both in life and on "reality" television. It was sad to see Jeff go but please, the man's a mess as a chef. His quickfire dish looked like a Denny's appetizer basket. Barf. Fabio, who I love, totally should have gone home though. Forget the overcooked venison, that cheddar cheese salad looked BEYOND un-appetizing, It looked like trash thrown together by someone who thinks a salad isn't a salad unless it has cheese and lunch meat in it. I'm so glad they kept him tho. But dayummmmm. Scott sure as hell let him have it, no? That was some intense judgment for someone who hasn't been around all season to dish out. Let that be a lesson to you Toby Young, THAT'S how you rip someone a new one.

I actually think Jamie is the sleeper hit of the bunch.

And I know it's a typical chef attribute, but the general arrogance gets annoying after a while. I'm always struck by how entitled a lot of the cheftestants act, like they actually know better than the judges, their peers and even independent third parties (like in all those catering-type challenges).

I, too, think Jamie is a threat to win. She could go next, but I think she has the best shot of beating Stephan in a finale showdown.

All-Stars? More like Also-Rans. I liked a lot of them, but most weren't the major contenders.

@blackliquorice - so well put about Toby! I think if the producers had asked someone with a food related talent to judge we could have had some real feedback like with Conant. If they wanted a "Simon Cowell" they could have found one with a related skill, like Conant. On the other hand Young was mercifully silent this week. Does anyone think he was edited out based on viewer response?

In response to the comments about past seasons having more talent.. I don't really think that's true at all. There are a bunch of talented people this year and if you look back through the past seasons there have been some really horrible duds... in fact I think this weeks episode illustrated that. I actually think this season is much better then the last one.

What a bummer about the bottom three though, it was sort of heartbreaking to see Jeff go.

Fabio is a funny euro. I think there was a feeling he would get canned because the camera focused on him a lot more than the other characters this time around. The producers have a formula in how they reveal who the loser will be. They usually keep it up between two characters so the audience has a feeling who it will be but is not apparent. With the exception of Restaurant Wars with Leah and Hosea where there was a thought that Leah would be canned. I think they needed to focus on them because it was more of a head turner. Regardless I hope Leah or Hosea get the boot. Maybe the producers think they are good material and keep them in. This may also be why Fabio keeps in also because he says such silly things and the audience loves that. He hasn't pulled off too many good dishes these last few rounds.

@mgnnn: Toby Young was a restaurant critic for about five years. I feel like that is enough cred for him to be a judge on Top Chef. It's not like he has never critiqued food in his life.

I think the term "restaurant critic" is used rather loosely in his case. If you look at any of his reviews for the Evening Standard they consist of 90% comments or complaints about the decor and 10% food related musings. An example of the entire food review of the Fat Badger by Toby Young (out of an 8 paragraph column):

"In fairness to William Leigh, the food at The Fat Badger isn't bad. I sampled two starters - smoked eel in oat crumbs and spiced rabbit with coriander chutney - which were both good, and my main course - onglet accompanied by girolles and green beans - was perfectly all right. But, really, I'm sure it would have been twice as good if priority was given to how the food tastes rather than how environmentally friendly it is."

and of the 11 paragraphs on The Winter Garden, this is the only thing he has to say about the food:

"I was flying solo on this occasion and thought I'd give the £30 set lunch a try. I started off with a very respectable quail and aubergine salad and followed up with a slightly less successful chicken Caesar. The chef, Gary White, deserves top marks for leaving the skin on the chicken breast - it turned out to be the best part of the meal - but he went slightly overboard on the creamy dressing. Next time I'll know to order the dressing on the side."

These "all stars" were not really the stars of their seasons. And the current chefs barely won.

I can't believe Carla won and got Super Bowl tickets. Seriously, sometimes you win...and it's just a win which is good, but seems not so awesome compared to winning and a prize. And if winning the quickfire doesn't give you immunity, you just get some lame minor advantage.

I'm convinced that her craziness has kept her from being eliminated since given the choice out of the bottom however many, the producers would most likely "nudge" the judges into keeping someone with drama and/or good sound bites. She'd have never been around for this challenge if she wasn't so annoying.

okay so lets do some math here. stephan says he's 35. 35 - 23 = 12. are we to honestly believe that he's been cooking professionally since he was 12?

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