Served: Waitress Fantasy
"The waitress is pretty, she's friendly, she's sexy, she's serving you this wonderful stuff, taking care of you. You start to get ideas. You and everyone else. She's just not going to be interested."
I blog by day and wait tables in a New York City restaurant by night. I'm excited to bring you Served, dispatches from the front of the house. Enjoy!
I am not having fun behind the bar. I am dodging the advances of perhaps one of the most physically unattractive people I have ever encountered. He's grumpy, too, and condescending. He's alternating between making a case about why I should go out with him and about why wine from New Zealand sucks.
Wine from New Zealand does not suck.
I pour him a taste of a nifty, funky, delicious (and unoaked) Hungarian wine. He launches into a lecture about oak. This man is unstoppable! I am happy to discuss wine and always interested in learning something I may not know. But this is no conversation. This is wine knowledge—wine misknowlege!—as weapon.
I smile and nod and politely decline his dinner offers, coming to realize he is not stopping anytime soon. "Excuse me," I say, finally forced to interrupt him and excuse myself to attend to my new guests.
No Whiskey, I Said!
Two bulbous men saunter in. A powerful booze and cigarette stench tag along. Promptly, we began a discussion that goes something like this:
Them: "What whiskeys do you have?"
Me: "We don't have whiskey. We're a wine bar—we have wine, and beer. And sake!"
Them: "Why don't you have whiskey?"
Me: "Our liquor license is for wine and beer only. We don't serve liquor; we don't have a full bar."
Them: "But we want whiskey."
Me: "I'm sorry! We don't have any whiskey here. There's a great bar across the street. You can get whiskey there."
Them: "I just don't understand why I can't get whiskey here."
And on. And on. After maybe the seventh identical inquiry, I have to excuse myself to breathe.
When I return a minute later, they have resigned themselves to wine.
They reluctantly sip their Merlot. With their whiskey hopes dashed, they embark on a new project: try to pick up the bartender. That's me.
The big question is why disinterest often inspires persistence. I don't get it.
Fantasy Land
"Isn't it a bit offensive, in a way, that he thinks you'll go out with him?" asks K., my fellow server, discreetly checking out Man Number One. I'm not full of ego, but he is inarguably ugly an inarguably twice my age. Not to mention his unappealing abrasiveness, pushiness, and embarrassing showing off. She is very right. What makes him think he has a chance?
K.'s boyfriend comes to pick her up. He is a sweetheart; we get along well.
"So many creeps tonight," I complain to him. I detail the saga of my night.
"You know," he says, slinging his arm around K., who is blonde and tall and gorgeous, "you learn from a very young age that the waitress is not going to go home with you. Or even give you her number. The waitress is pretty, she's friendly, she's sexy, she's serving you this wonderful stuff, taking care of you. You start to get ideas. You and everyone else. She's just not going to be interested."
"Is that why you like picking up K. from work?"
"Yes!" he admits.
"Awesome," K. concedes, "I'm a fantasy. I had no idea."
The New Zealand–hater leaves his card on the bar, with one last scribbled plea.
"How should we contact him?" K.'s boyfriend asks, "Cell or office number? Or should we fax him?"
"Very funny," I say, "we are not talking to this man ever again."
And I mean it, until he shows up in the very same seat a few nights later. What am I to do but pour him wine, play nice, and wonder if this guy hangs out at restaurants across the city, making the female servers uncomfortable and unhappy?
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21 Comments:
But does he tip well? :) I don't have the patience to be as nice as you! I would probably kick the chair out from under him and no job.
love2cook at 9:53AM on 01/13/09
Time to ask your friend's boyfriend to very obviously "pick you up from work" while creepy guy is around.
peachfish at 10:07AM on 01/13/09
Oh Hannah, how I enjoy your summary of the service life.
It was only a year ago when I was in your shoes day in and day out
I miss it often but--Oh boy am I glad to be done as a bartender.
You took it the same way I would: Let him down nicely--until he becomes a regular and comes on the days that you work only. Dude I know, it really sux. I think you handled it well. *thumbs up*
There will always be that super-awkward guy with super-creepy eyes that wants extra attention to test the waters in his life....oh men so difficult to deal with yet so easy to read.
hungrychristel at 11:03AM on 01/13/09
As a former waitress and bartending I can attest to the fact that many times female service industry employees are treated as though we are on the menu as well. There are few things more demoralizing than having to smile through such unwelcome and uncouth comments because your income relies on jerks such as these.
Martini Me at 11:04AM on 01/13/09
Ugh, I have definitely had this experience in food service, but also in retail. I used to work at a toy store and often had yuppie dads trying to pick up on us ladies in their early-20s while the moms were on the other side of the store playing with the kids! Young women in the service industry give a certain type of man a feeling of privilege and license. Disgusting.
producestories at 11:52AM on 01/13/09
I used to tend bar at a small place in NoVa. One night, the largest and most unattractive woman ever in history came on a date. When her date went to the bathroom, she called me over.
'Hey. Are you gay?'
No, I replied, as I am not.
'You want to go out?'
No, I replied, as I did not.
The rest of the night, she kept shouting about 'fucking queer bartenders'. Which is why her gin and tonics were all tonic.
I do not feel guilty about this.
NotAmerican at 12:41PM on 01/13/09
Many, many years ago I worked at a diner that was very popular with local construction guys and road crews. They loved coming in for soup--it was always ready by 8 a.m. and was hearty, warm and cheap on those cold winter mornings. They always joked around with the waitresses, but generally were pretty well behaved. One very large guy was quite full of himself one morning because it was his birthday. I don't know if he'd been drinking, but he pulled our tiniest waitress (5ft. less than 100lbs) onto his lap, puckered up his lips and said, "Give me a kiss, baby. It's my birthday." His friends told him to leave her alone and promptly escorted him out of the place. He was allowed back the next week, with a full apology to the waitress, but was banned from having soup for a whole month.
Sometimes you wonder where good common sense and manners have gone.
dhorst at 1:58PM on 01/13/09
As a not ugly-not old guy that is frequently served by bartenders, I gotta say the situation is kind of confusing. Say I go to a bar or restaurant. There's a good looking, confident bartender/server serving me. She's sexy, friendly, flirty, and around my age. There's a point in which I would question myself. "Is she being nice because it's her job, or is she actually interested?"
daemon at 2:18PM on 01/13/09
Or do I just agree not to break the bartender/bartendee code of ethics? Because that's no fun.
daemon at 2:28PM on 01/13/09
You get that dynamic in tech support too. Many years agoI used to work as a Tech Supervisor for an ISP and I constantly had guys hitting on me. Sometimes they'd ask me out on dates, sometimes they'd want to send me gifts (including one person that offered to send my whole team a dinner delivery if I'd go out with him), one time a customer actually invited me on a cruise! You have to turn them down of course, but it's always weird how people seem to grasp onto any friendliness as "oh wow, they must like me!". Kind of says something about our society when even a smattering of kindness from a female can be construed as interest on the females part.
sylphon at 2:45PM on 01/13/09
@daemon - I could see why this would be confusing [sort-of] I'm not going to answer for the writer but "...There's a point in which I would question myself. "Is she being nice because it's her job, or is she actually interested?" "
Dude! She's working! Of course she's flirting! Not to say she may not be interested but it also reflects on her professionalism in the workplace, so most likely the best time to discuss romance is after hours--
Remember this next time you're confused:
If you want to pick up a girl with potential; and you're a "not ugly not old guy" I'm sure it's not difficult to wheel an appealing lady in other situations. Trust me, you don't want to be the "guy" that all the cocktail waitresses are gossiping about in the dishpit about how "creepy" table #[x] is.
hungrychristel at 3:06PM on 01/13/09
Dude! She's working! Of course she's flirting! Not to say she may not be interested but it also reflects on her professionalism in the workplace,
I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, but if a waitress or bartender is going to flirt with clients in an effort to be professional and improve their tips, they can't be surprised when some of the guys take it the wrong way. I'm not saying they shouldn't flirt or be friendly, and I'm not defending guys who are obnoxious and can't take obvious hints to back off, but if you flirt with a customer, you have to assume and accept that the customer will flirt back.
rps at 3:27PM on 01/13/09
I think that various takes on this from an employee's standpoint vary a bit. I have a female friend who waits at a very nice restaurant in Los Angeles, and enjoys the opportunity it affords her to date a lot of interesting, successful, attractive men. She is extremely selective and turns many down, but says she likes that she can effectively "audition" men in a safe, no pressure environment and work at the same time. I think that she views it as a timesaver and has no interest in being serious with anyone right now. She may not be as serious as the OP about her job, but it's not as if she considers it beneath her. She seems to manage this without compromising her professionialism and is very discreet. To each their own, I suppose.
PommeDG at 3:32PM on 01/13/09
@hungrychristel-
Exactly, I don't wanna be the creepy guy. But if there is a connection, it would definitely suck to miss out on what could be something special just because she's on the clock. Confusing sometimes, just bringing up another perspective.
daemon at 4:27PM on 01/13/09
I was so sure this was gonna be about me. Until I remembered that I don't think New Zealand wines suck. And I already know the Hungarian on H's place's list.
Whewww.
Sneakeater at 4:39PM on 01/13/09
Here's to not being creepy
daemon at 5:07PM on 01/13/09
so you're in a nice bar, served by a young, blonde, smiley, friendly cocktailer. (me.) should you flirt?
ask yourself these questions: have i mentioned having child close to her age? have i just told her about an unpleasant divorce? has she mentioned a boyfriend? have i made comments about her physical appearance? if yes to any, just don't. she doesn't want to hear it.
if all answers are no, then please chat away! ask her what she's taking in school, tell her a funny joke, she's probably been working for six hours and is bored! i appreciate the sincere, funny, non-pervy guys that make me laugh - it's why i do this job and i think some snobby servers need to remember that!
jojojo at 1:54AM on 01/14/09
@daemon and all who wonder about responding to something that may or may not be flirting:
Ask once.
If the answer is "no" (hopefully politely, but if not, that's her prerogative)...
Don't ask again.
akk328 at 4:24PM on 01/14/09
@daemon, how about being friendly & mildly flirty - but polite, and not too personal - and then leaving your number with a good tip? That avoids any awkwardness, and allows the server to contact you on her terms if she also felt a connection.
emisara at 7:30PM on 01/15/09
Always helpful hearing new perspectives and opinions. Good stuff.
daemon at 5:12PM on 01/16/09
@emisara: Great advice. I once dated a customer who left a note saying 'I think you're gorgeous' and her number wrapped around the tip she left. If I hadn't been attracted to her, or wasn't interested, I could have ignored it and accepted a confidence boost. My poor female colleagues were constantly beset on by men in their late 40s still living at home, spending all their money on cheap beer while pretending to care about sports, and who never learned the meaning of 'No, I don't want to go out with you.'
NotAmerican at 12:05PM on 01/17/09