Serious Eats
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 7: Toby Young Rocks
It's been two weeks since the last new Top Chef episode, and what better way to return than with British writer turned restaurant critic Toby Young. Like his forefather A. A. Gill, Young does not hold back. London food criticism and nastiness go hand in hand, and Young was nasty in the best of ways.
Before we get into his top snarky quotes of the evening, let's just say tonight was reality television at its best. And this is coming from a lukewarm reality television watcher. There was real tension and real emotion. We felt the chefs' pain. The judges, except for pretty French boy Jean Christophe Novelli who didn't do it for me—is that man allergic to smiling? does he laugh? ever?—were in good form. Padma looked smashing and didn't get in the way, and Toby Young rocked with his snarkfest.
[Warning, spoilers ahead.]
Quickfire Challenge: A Sugarless Dessert
As we pointed out earlier this week, tonight's Quickfire prevented contestants from using sugar. While scooping samples of the results, Jean Christophe was as cold as an icicle. He wouldn't even try Ariane's whole-wheat crepe because he didn't like the way it looked. I was shocked he actually picked one.
Radhika won with her ginger bread pudding with roasted cashews—and boy, was this a good Quickfire to win. After last episode's yuletide generosity, where everyone was safe, two contestants were going home tonight. Pull out the calculators, because that's a 20% attrition rate! That's kind of a lot. Also, pull out the Diet Dr. Pepper, because this segment was chock-full of product placement. I feel semi-brainwashed. And would totally drink a Diet Dr. Pepper if it was in front of me.
Cook a Family-Style Meal for a Blind Audience
As Fabio clarified, the "blind" part of this blind tasting challenge didn't mean blind-folded. It just meant judges didn't know who made what, hence an unbiased decision. Seated with the judges and the cheftestants who weren't cooking that round, there was Toby Young, the "bad-ass food critic from England," ready to give everyone a rude awakening.
Top Toby Quotes
"The U.N. weapons inspectors were looking in the wrong place in the run up to the Iraq war. Because I have found the weapons of mass destruction, and they are in this bowl." [About Radhika's seafood bisque]
"I think it tasted like cat food." [About Melissa's ahi tuna taco]
"It was like Tom Cruise's cameo in Tropic Thunder. An unexpected treat." [About Jeff's avocado sorbet]
"It was the bland leading the bland." [About Eugene's daikon fettucini]
Top Carla Quote Reacting to Toby's Harshness
"Oh mayyy gawwwd, and this is our new judge? Gail? Gaaaay-el?
More Observations
As soon as Eugene said "daikon fettucini," Ed was instant-messing me, expressing his disgust. What was Eugene thinking? Except the best part about this was Eugene saw nothing wrong with the messed-up combo. "Nobody here would have the balls to make daikon fettucini with tomato basil sauce." Balls? Or stupidity? I was already excited for Toby's reaction.
Jamie wanted another shot at scallops after a previous scallop mishap, which had Fabio rolling his eyes. "All she does is scallops. This is Top Chef, not Top Scallop." Fast forward to Toby's reaction: he actually liked the dish and had nothing biting to say about her fennel and scallops combo. He would totally watch the Top Scallop pilot. (Also, does Jamie remind anyone else of Scarlett Johansson?)
Stefan's Czech duck dumplings and red cabbage looked goood. And what a miracle, both Tom and Toby agreed! A rare occurrence, with the two clashing in critique styles throughout the episode. The polished, composed Tom wouldn't compare anyone's dish to WMDs. Toby, on the other hand, not afraid to pull out the weaponry.
The Elimination
So usually at this point, things get scary because a chef goes home, but tonight, things got real scary because it was about chosing a chef to stay. Intense. But again, pretty decent reality television.
The judges' brainstorming sesh turned into a Tom vs. Toby battle. Tom thought Eugene ruined the fish ("and that really bums me out"), while Toby respected Eugene's boldness. Tom thought Melissa's fish tacos represented her personality, her style, her roots. Toby thought it was just a disaster. He basically said she was a disaster. It was interesting to watch the divergence of their opinions.
Ed nervously messaged me at this point. "I know Carla is in trouble as well, but i like her, i care about her. She's very coachable."
I like Carla too. And again, good reality television. We care about these creatures! Luckily, the judges agreed with us on Carla.
Eugene and Melissa were sent home. This seemed like the right choice. Melissa cried while Eugene kept insisting "I was just too creative." With one last image of him all tattooed-out in his wife beater tank, we said goodbye.
Related
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 6: It's a Wonderful Kitchen
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 5: Stefan Is a Snarky Button-Pusher, But Knows Turmeric
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 4: Accents Are Good for TV
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 3: Food Fighters
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 2: It's a Dog Eat Dog World
'Top Chef' Season 5, Episode 1: And So It Begins