The prognosticators are coming forth fast and furious with the Food Trends 2009™ listicles. Josh "Mister Cutlets" Ozersky takes the piss out of them, stepping into character as "Gastrodamus," with predictions for the coming year:

• Chefs with diminishing revenue streams will seek to diversify their incomes by seducing wealthy widows
• 2009 will be the year of the spork, as restaurants seek to reduce costs by eliminating a piece of unnecessary silverware. In the highly competitive casual dining sector, buckets and troughs will become increasingly popular
• The Farm-to-Table will be replaced by the Sysco-to-Table model, once everyone figures out that diners have no way of knowing where their string beans are coming from

Heh. More, on The-Feedbag.