Caffeine Examiner, Reviews of Caffeine-Filled Products

20081229-gofastenergygum.jpgI'm not a fan of caffeinated foods—coffee and sodas in particular—but after reading the product reviews on Caffeine Examiner I almost want to try some of these sleepy-destroying drinks and candies out of sick curiosity. In particular, I'm drawn to the many offensive qualities of Go Fast Energy Gum:

I can not go to enough superlatives to describe the fun horror of these pieces, and would almost recommend to anyone around to purchase some so they can experience this for themselves. It makes your jaws ache, your teeth squeak—and your tongue turn bright yellow. This is like accidentally putting something rotten in your mouth, your brain will try to expel this from your body as fast as possible—but if you manage to keep chewing you will live through this rite of passage, knowing only a real hardcore energy fanatic would put themselves through this for a buzz.

There are also reviews of products that won't make you retch, such as the best energy shots of 2008. So go forth and caffeinate.

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