Relax, blow off some steam, laugh. From the Production Rider for Kate Kershner's Holiday Visit Home Tour, an oldie but goodie from McSweeney's:
The following should be placed on or near the table at DINNER:
(2) Bottles of wine per person at table, preferably something cheap so VENUE doesn't bitch about how expensive it was during the course of the entire evening
(1) Bowl of mashed potatoes, skin ON. SKIN IS WHERE THE VITAMINS ARE.
(2) Bowls of stuffing, one cornbread and one plain. If there is so much as half a raisin in the stuffing, TALENT will immediately leave the table and possibly the city.