Serious Eats - seriouseats.com

$3,450, or $500+/per head!

It's the thought that counts?

i used to know a couple who would invite friends to join them at a restaurant to celebrate their birthdays and then expect them to pay for not only themselves, but for them as well. they were both very high earners {one was a lawyer, the other owned his own business} and owned their own home. i thought this was beyond tacky and quit going after the second time.

I always figure everyone pays for themselves and buy the birthday girl/boy drinks. Maybe my friends just hit a few different pay grades. Not everyone want to or can afford to spend a lot on dinner. If someone wants to eat everything on the menu and order 150$ bottles and someone else just wants to be their and have a salad and a couple beers, then its kind of unfair to just split the check.

Sounds like the person who paid $50 saw this "friend's" true colors. I am glad I don't have shallow friends like that!

Good riddance.

When we take someone out for their birthday we take them and their immediate (spouse/sig other and kids) ONLY. If you want to have a party and pay the tab for your birthday then please invite us.
I often cook for these occasions.
Once we did take someone out and they ordered the a lot of food.
7 drinks, the sushi sampler (for a party of 4@125.00 just for themself) an entree and 2 desserts.
We never took him anyplace again. The next year came and he called and said its my birthday and I said last year you ate for 2 years....click
When I cook I pay for everything and what I do not buy you do not need.

Did you notice one of the photo tags on the right says April fools?

Yeah I wish the person who posted this mentioned what the $3000 "X" is. It's a normal big meal until that. Even for a private room, it wouldn't cost that much. Feel like filling us in Erin or ramitsethi?

Now that I'm married, I'm the one who primarily pays for birthday meals, mine, my wife's, my step kids'. Although technically my wife is the bread maker, so I guess she's actually the one paying regardless.

In my single days, dinner was with a friend, and as bachelor bulls, we could afford going to Ruth's Chris Steak House (although one year my best friend did take me to Morton's, which was much more about the show than it was just eating good food), so he would take me out on my birthday, and I'd take him out the next month on his birthday. And it would always confuse them, because the name of the reservation is the person who usually is paying for the meal.

Birthday lunches either got split by the others, or handled by that person's boss.

I believe that the host is responsible for the charges, and should not put him or her self in a position that is uncomfortable. So you choose your venue and guests wisely. Your guests and friends are, generally, knowledgeable about what they are ordering and the impact it will have on the final tally, When I've hosted such events everybody contributes their fair share, or, at least, what they can. There is always someone who will overindulge and not be able to step up to the plate! They usually come around afterwords with some sort of compensation. I've had friends live in my house for months, knowing that they are in a difficult situation and can't really contribute or pay rent. They, generally, come up with some sort of...something. What goes around comes around. You quickly learn who the deadbeats are and, eventually, cut ties with those who can't keep up,

I wonder if that X is for drinks. If that's the case, as someone who doesn't drink alcohol and would order iced tea, I'd probably be the person putting that $50 down. Personally, this is why I go for potlucks for my birthday, then maybe follow up the next day with dim sum for lunch with a handful of close friends.

Unbelievable! $3500 for one evening of sushi and drinks. What a waste.

Then, to expect the person who ordered soup-and-a-salad to split it EVENLY? Those are not friends. Those are people who are just taking advantage.

To me it seems a matter of who invites you and how the invitation is stated.

When someone invites you to join them for dinner to celebrate their birthday, I'd assume that everyone in attendance will pay for what they order (typically in these situations the guests offer to chip in for the birthday person anyway) otherwise isn't that person saying "how would you like to come to X and pay for my dinner for me?" Tacky to say the least.

If a friend or family member invites you to join them at X place to celebrate someones birthday, then I assume that I will be buying my own meal and chipping in for the birthday person.

If I offer to take someone to dinner to celebrate an occasion, I am planning to pay whether it's for my birthday or theirs. Most people wouldn't ask someone to go to the mall and buy something for them (would they?)

Also a little homework on the restaurant being chosen is in order when fielding these invitations. If it's way out of my price range, I may decline, or offer to stop by for a drink before or after the meal.

I guess my point is that I personally feel that inviting people to get a free meal regardless of the day is beyond tacky as well as anyone in the group buying extravagant items assuming that others in the party are going to absorb the cost for you (actually that qualifies as a friendship deal breaker for me) and I would try to avoid any situation that had that potential

Interesting question, as my birthday is close at hand. When we invited friends to brunch last year, I paid because I invited them. They were willing to pitch in, but I was not about to insist that people pay for something I had invited them to.

As for pool parties, we've figured out a method that works well. We invite folks with the promise of a protein and cheap beer. That way, we'll be assured to have at least something to eat and drink! I ask guests to bring sides and beverages of their choice. Since we have generous friends, we always end up with better beer than we started with, and we carry the good stash over to the next party. While some people may be territorial about their beverages, there's always enough of something to go around, and food is easily shared. In fact, I think we're doing a pool party for my birthday this year instead of dealing with a restaurant!

@everyone with questions about the receipt -- The photo was not the receipt of the birthday girl described in the CNN story, but one crafted by the Flickr user ramitsethi as a April Fools hoax. There's often more to the story in the tags! That would have to be a pretty tasty "X" for 3,000.

i just went out last night to a birthday dinner and even though it was one check (About 415), we all paid for our respective dishes/drinks. half of us didn't order desserts and i only got about two drinks, so there was no way we were going to pay for things ordered that we didn't want.

I DO agree with the poster way above me though that talked about how if we all agree on what is ordered (more family style), i have no problems with splitting the bill

We don't DO Birthday dinners out. We go to someones house, have a bar-b-que, potluck, or one lucky individual - usually me - collects 20 bucks a head and provides the courses and drinks.

By the way - that receipt was an April fools joke. Read the back story by clicking the image and going to the flickr page.

http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/i-went-out-to-dinner-this-weekend

It's a joke... see link above.

It's even worse for office birthday parties, when attendance isn't necessarily a choice.

When I was just starting my first job, one of my new colleagues (ie, someone I didn't know well) turned 30, and our whole office went to a restaurant for dinner. My friend and I - aka, the junior staff - didn't drink, and we shared an $8 entrée (and stayed away from the shared apps ordered by the others).

In the end, we were expected to pay an equal share, even though everyone else ordered three courses and had several drinks. It sucked, considering how everyone earned tens of thousands more than we did, but we paid up quietly.

I'm all for office socialization, but I wish it wouldn't come at the expense of the young hires.

Luckily, with my friends, groups aren't mixed so each group of friends knows what they're getting into (ie, I wouldn't wind up at a birthday dinner for a friend with 12 of her friends that I don't know). It does mean we wind up going out multiple times for our own respective birthdays, but it works. It also appears that usually, someone will say "Oh, [so and so]'s birthday is coming up, dinner or brunch" and it gets planned, we go, and depending on the group, it's either split evenly (and we all order about the same, no one's an excessive drinker, and if there were one, I trust my friends to throw in a couple extra dollars) or we each pay our own + birthday person's meal divided evenly amongst us + 25% to cover tip & tax. It works out.

In my younger and more inexperienced aka stupid years, I would occasionally go to these dinners and get RIPPED off - literally - people would order multiple drinks and I'm the a-hole drinking water but still paying the same $50+ for a salad. Now I avoid those dinners where I don't know the other people - because with the people I actually know, I generally feel comfortable speaking up and saying "Hey, that's not cool," plus with my friends, you figure it all evens out eventually, if I ordered a bellini today, in a month someone else will order one and I won't. *shrug*

PS Earlier this year, I did attend a birthday dinner with 12 other people that I wasn't close to, specifically for my very close friend. When the bill came, I'd been drinking water because I was driving, and I insisted on paying only $40 (my share, a part of his dinner), while everyone kept saying $55. When I went home and thought about the situation, I felt like a total a-hole. I still don't know why because I don't think I was wrong... but he didn't say I ruined his birthday and we're still friends, so I think we're cool.

Also - some people take money extremely seriously. If it's a couple of dollars difference, then whatever, but if it's the difference between $50 and $500, that's psychotic.

I don't mind splitting with the birthday girl/boy excluded from the division of the total plus tip. I don't fret if I didn't get my fair share. But I would not split in this case unless I agreed to the $3,000 foe X beforehand. I'm sure you could find X on the street for less!

Also, if someone hosts a potluck, they have to supply more than the space. I went to one party where people had to bring their own grilling food and side dishes. Lame, I know. I think it's best to ask people to bring one thing to share and drinks. Anyway, at this party we had my chips/dip and a salad from someone else as sides. That's it. Everyone else brought booze for a side dish. Tackiness all around (from the host to the guests).

Wow... I'm really surprised by the majority of the responses to this topic. I would totally expect my friends to pay for me, mostly because I would never, ever let someone pay for their dinner or drinks on their birthday. I also wouldn't pick a super expensive restaurant, but certainly somewhere fairly nice. I think... um, I don't want to alienate anybody, but I'm going to go ahead and say that birthdays are not times to be cheap. I understand being on a budget--I'm 24--and I would panic if someone asked me to drop $500 on a birthday dinner, but regardless of who invites who, birthday boys/girls do not touch their wallets. Period.

@stonechiper I would never demand it, or bring it up when the check came, but I would expect it. I would also expect to be paying for the birthday person when I was invited out to a birthday dinner. If I didn't feel comfortable chipping in, I wouldn't go. I think its presumptive to order the expensive food, but not to expect the birthday person to not pay for stuff.

I don't think your shopping example holds. Birthday dinners are situations where people know what they're getting into--more like including a reference to a gift registry in a wedding invitation. It's one thing to only put large appliances and designer sheets on a wedding registry--a classy bride and groom will provide a wide price range so that all of their guests can afford something off of it. Likewise, a classy birthday person will allow the other guests--ie, those paying--to suggest bottles of wine etc. that they are comfortable with instead of demanding expensive items. He or she should also try to pick a restaurant that fits within all of the guests' budgets. When these things don't happen, I think that's tacky. But I also think its tacky to expect someone to pay for dinner on their birthday. I just do.

I think the problem is that people don't know what to expect when it comes to birthday dinners. What's the difference between having the party in a restaurant or at your house? If I throw a party and invite people, I expect to supply everything unless it's clearly a potluck or BYOB party.

Even if it's the birthday person throwing the party, you don't ask people to chip in at the door of the house, and if the birthday person chooses to have the party in a restaurant, you might have the same expectation -- that the host is footing the bill, and you bring a present.

Like a wedding. The wedding couple pays for the party, and the guests generally bring gifts. Which may or may not cover the cost of their share of the event.

I was recently at a birthday party that was catered in a hotel's banquet area. They birthday person's DH paid for the event, and guests weren't asked to chip in. We brought presents. It was all very clear from the beginning.

At a restaurant, it's a little less clear, because in some cases, everyone wants to pay for the birthday person's meal, while in other cases, the birthday person views it as "their" party and wants to treat everyone. Or it could be something in-between.

It's particularly muddy at a restaurant if everyone is ordering different things, because some people will feel resentful if they order salad and iced tea while the person next to them gets a 7-course dinner and a bottle of wine. It's easier, math-wise, to split the bill evenly, but it's not always fair.

It should be up to the host (whoever is doing the planning and inviting) to make it clear how it's all going to work. If it's not clear, then the guests should ask for clarity. Generally, I would expect to pay my way at a restaurant, and I would be prepared for that, but I'd also hope for some fairness in splitting the bill. If one person gets particularly extravagent in ordering, they should be willing to kick in a little more. If someone else is being frugal, the group should make sure that person isn't paying more than they need to.

When I worked in a large company, our office would go out to lunch for everyone's birthday, which ended up being about once a month, on average. The deal was that we'd split the bill and we'd split the birthday person's meal. Usually, no one drank, since we had to go back to work, but if someone ordered anything extra or expnsive, they'd offer to kick in extra. The places we went to weren't expensive, and the price ranges for lunches weren't huge, so in general, everyone's meals were close enough to the same price that it was fair to everyone without being nit-picky. And it all evened out over time, since someone who ordered the cheapest meal one month would order something more expensive another time.

The exception was one guy who always seemed to be fasting. He'd be on bread and water, and he'd end up eating just that -- tortillas and water, crackers and water, bread and water -- and he always offered to do the even split, but the group refused, since we weren't usually being charged for what he ate. So he'd kick in a few bucks towards the tip and everyone was happy with that.

Oddly enough, our problem was usually that we ended up with too much money, so the servers generally got very good tips from us because no one would take back the extra they chipped in.

Most years my husband is away for my birthday. Church camp just falls during that week. When he is away for my day, I normally have a girlfriends go to dinner with me. When I extend the invitation, I tell my friends that it is "dutch treat". Please don't bring gifts. All I want is to enjoy a night with the girls.
This year was one of those years. I picked a reasonably priced place (

If it was not pre-established that the birthday girl could bring guests who were not expected to pay, that birthday girl is a dolt who will likely NEVER be invited out by her friends again.

In my experience, the birthday girl is the only person who does not pay at such a gathering. This is generally discussed at the outset by all parties planning to attend.

As far as the "you ordered a more expensive dish than I did" that's an argument going on since the dawn of "splitting the check." Here's the thing - if a person is strapped financially, it might be best to simply forego the outing rather than order a salad or half a broiled chicken when your dining companions are more financially equipped to order the lobster. The person who is watching expenses will eventually wind up paying a whole lot more for that salad or chicken. It might be a better idea to invite the birthday girl out for a "one-on-one" coffee or lunch.

When I go out on this type of celebration, I know I'm going to a) order what I want and b) pay whatever the "split" amount plus tip winds up being. When there's a birthday celebration to be had, I'm not looking for a bargain.

This is exactly why I hate other people's birthday dinners. Too complicated! When having one, I think it's most important to think of who is invited and how much it's going to end up costing. And it should be kept simple. It doesn't matter who pays, it could be split equally - by the entire group (or minus the b-day girl/boy), a select few who have volunteered to host the party (whether it's a spouse, multiple friends, the b-day girl/boy). The point is that nobody should be dining with the mentality of trying to cut the bill by ordering only salad or not drinking. Whoever is paying, is paying for the party, not the dish they eat. If this is not your thing, then don't do it!

What we typically do is everyone pays for their own and then everyone contributes for the birthday persons'. Hopefully, there's a large enough group where it's not that much.
I've refused to do the split evenly thing since I once went to one, only ordered a soda, and had to pay $35...at Hooter's of all places.
Wooo, college!
I don't are if I'm the jerk. I, personally, despise birthdays, so if anything happens for mine, I invite my friends over for cake and drinks and so no one has to pay and it all works well.

If the B-day boy or girl invites - then he or she is the host. If the host doesn't tell the guests up front that the expectation is a split bill (or whatever) then asking the guests to pay is just...gauche.

Frankly, in any group dining situation if the expectations about how the bill is going to be paid are not discussed ahead of time, then the diners only have themselves to blame for hurt feelings and miscommunications.

@kroehl: I agree under the circumstance that when outing is someone else's idea. But when the birthday girl/boy plan their own expensive party and don't expect to pay at all for it...

I've just heard of a "trickle-down" example of this . . . in my daughter's high school art class the teacher announced the other day that if anyone with a birthday wanted to celebrate it, and wanted to plan ahead, the class could do so.

One girl said "I have a birthday coming up soon!" and the teacher responded "Okay then - you can be in charge of the birthdays. Go around and get a list of the dates of everybody's birthdays in the class then give it to me."

Several days passed and the birthday girl did not go around getting a list of everyone's birthday. But today she came in with an extensive list of things that she would require for her own in-class birthday celebration (cookies, chips, soda, paper goods, etc!) and told the teacher she had a list to pass around where everyone could sign up for what they would be bringing in for her party. Which is supposedly tomorrow.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Ridiculous.
It's just so damn precious.

My daughter was near the end of the line getting the paper and ended up having to sign up for bringing cookies. Which she's not crazy about because she'd rather eat more healthy things . . . and because she doesn't even know the birthday girl (or didn't before she met her with the birthday gimmes-plan) . . . and because the girl "forgot" to make a list of anyone else's birthday in the class in the hot pursuit to plan her own party.

Tomorrow should be interesting. :)

This is just crazy because of the sheer cost involved. I used to go to brunch with some friends, but after about 3-4 times of getting stiffed, I just stopped. It was fine when one friend with a calculator (yep, an engineer) would do the math for everyone - but he stopped coming.

I also used to go to Mom's Night Out. There is a large variety of incomes with the moms...some have very little family income and some have a lot. You could tell - some were only willing to go out to the "free" things (dancing at a club with no cover charge). Whomever would plan these things for dinner, however, picked REALLY expensive restaurants. And sometimes the restaurant would pad the bill. I love Mom's night, but I don't want to spend $50-60 for a meal and one glass of wine.

I have to wonder if some people are raised by wolves and/or jackasses. Really? You're not going to be friends with someone because you forced them to give you money they might not have? Ugh. Maybe it's because I'm still a poor college student, but I would never put someone in that kind of a situation. If I wanted to do a birthday dinner type thing, I would have the good sense to check with everyone before we started ordering.

I remember being in high school and going out to a celebratory meal with a friend my age and pretty much everyone else of drinking age. I ordered a small meal within my means, but everyone else either kept ordering drinks or accepting drinks brought to them by the server and were utterly shocked when the bill came. I'm not going to pay for something I didn't/couldn't consume. Sorry.

What I did for my parents' anniversary party was send out the invitations with the wording that we were asking their friends to join us as we surprised them with a dinner, meaning that my sister and I paid for our and our parents' food, and no one elses. I wouldn't have thought of making any of our guests pay for any of our food. However, since I was making it clear that we were just paying for our parents, I wouldn't have offered for pay for any of theirs. We all did seperate checks, and it was a great time. It also helps that we invited people that are my parents' age, and it was their 30th anniversary. As for the whole split check thing, it always ends in tears, so I try to avoid it, after paying 50 dollars for a meal twice in a row for a pasta dish and IHOP.

According to the blog entry attached to the picture, "X" was a prank pulled by the birthday boy.

Yes, I just went in and read further down on the "backstory" and it says the $3,000 was added as an April Fool's prank. So given that, the rest of the ticket looks reasonable.