Served: My Waiter Peeves
I blog by day and wait tables by night. I'm excited to bring you Served, dispatches from the front of the house. Enjoy!
D., a fellow server, hates it, hates it, when people ask for paper napkins, spit their gum out, and leave him the parcel. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with things coming out of people’s bodily orifices.
It’s not like I enjoy collecting people’s used gum. But it grosses me out less than it does D. A little less.
We waiters all have different things that provoke us; things that make us grumble to each other, “I hate people!” Things that inspire even the most warmhearted and sweet to harbor homicidal fantasies.
Here are a few of mine:
1. Please, ask for my name, and introduce yourself. I love to meet people, and it’s cool if we know who each other are. I count many of my customers as genuine friends. But it aggravates me when someone asks for my name with no intention of revealing their own.
In this case, their query is not about being friendly or forging a relationship one step beyond anonymity. This kind of person wants my name as a sort of weapon, so that they can call across the crowded restaurant, “Hannah! Can we have more bread? The brown kind! Just the brown kind!” I am more than happy to get them more bread of any color. And bread-fetching is my job. Summoning me while I’m running hot food to a table is not going to help anything for anyone.
2. We always, always pour people tastes of wine before we pour them the whole glass. Don’t worry—rejecting the wine is more than ok. It doesn’t mean you’re being picky or difficult, and you don’t need to feel guilty or apologize profusely. You don’t need to apologize at all.
The reason for the taste is to help you find something that you like. It would be a shame for you to drink and pay for a glass of wine you’re not feeling. Our list includes some pretty funky stuff. How could anyone be expected to know if they’ll like a Moroccan syrah? Syrocco is made on a Moroccan vineyard collaboration with a Rhône winemaker. Ours tastes like Morocco—not that I’ve been, but it’s the Morocco of my imagination. It’s spicy and sultry and full of cinnamon, vanilla, and currants.
Anyway, it’s your prerogative to hate the Syrocco. But it doesn’t help either one of us if all you can say is, “Ew. I hate it.” Help me out a little. Tell me why. I pride myself on being able match up people, their palates, and their wine. But especially if I’ve just met you, I need a little something to work with. You don’t have to have an expansive wine knowledge or vocabulary. There is no right or wrong answer. It’s too strong; it’s too intense; it’s not fruity enough. That will do.
Then we can move away from your Syrocco incompatibility and onto something that will make you happy.
3. 1:30 AM is no time to behave like a pretentious snot. I’d place the reasonable pretention cut-off time at approximately midnight. Even that’s pushing it! Late nights are for enjoying your drinks and food, not for showing off.
4. At least once a night, someone points to a totally clean, naked plate where cheese once sat, and asks me, “Where was this cheese from again?” It’s a good question, I’m sure, but I am no psychic. We usually have more than forty cheeses being plated and served in various configurations. Even when there’s a bit of rind left, post-eating identification can requires high level forensics.
Luckily, if you remember something about the cheese you were eating—was it the second one in the line-up? was it the blue paired with our heavenly coconut lime fudge? did it have a bright orange exterior?—the fromager will know what I would not even attempt to guess.
“I’m sure I’m a horrible restaurant guest,” said a friend of mine who rarely goes out to eat. Why would he think such a thing?
I can’t speak for front-of-the-house people everywhere, but I am pretty easy to please. If you’re reasonably nice and leave a reasonably nice tip, you’re good by me. If you are having a great time, if you are super interesting and cool, that’s even better. And for added bonus, please try to spit out your gum before you come in.
But if you are into our place and what we do, if you are pleasant, I will forgive your ABC gum, and maybe even a mild case of pretention. Maybe.
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31 Comments:
@Hannah, as far as #'s 2 and 4 are concerned ... I had no idea. There's really no way of knowing this unless someone such as yourself explains, preferably at the restaurant I'm currently visiting. I know the servers at the one restaurant we frequent would change the wine with no trouble, but I can also think of a couple other places where this might be a problem and the servers would likely get huffy. As to the cheese, the same former restaurant has such a small staff alternate cheese plates won't exist. But yet again, I can think of others nearby where this might not hold true. Per-restaurant education, as needed, might be the trick with these two points.
As to the gum ... maybe come out with a small wastebasket and ask them to take care of it themselves? The patron might then be embarrassed enough to not do it again. I know that's how I'd feel! Of course, it might be more fun to just look at the parcel, look at the customer, and let out a loud, "EWWWWWWWWW!!!"
LunaPierCook at 9:11AM on 09/30/08
weird never actually made the ordeal of trying to know my waiter/waitress
i also know no one who does... maybe its a utah thing. i; try to be really nice though!
zenazure at 10:21AM on 09/30/08
Normally, a guest is poured a bit of wine, not to see if they like it, but to determine if the wine is "corked" or gone bad due to a bad cork. After all, they ordered it and should pay for it. Do you allow them to taste the Osso Bucco to determine whether they like it before accepting it? With the advent of the plastic corks, this ritual is reduced to just that, ritual, since the cork can not be bad.
I don't understand number 1. I can't remember the last time I dined out where the waiter did not introduce him or herself. Never have I reciprocated, since I came there to dine with friends, not make new ones.
lambowner at 10:39AM on 09/30/08
I question this Waitrons experience if she does not know the reason a person is tasting a bottle of wine!
This entire post is vague.
phauxtoe at 11:21AM on 09/30/08
Phauxtoe -- You don't "taste" an entire bottle of wine. What Hannah was saying is that if you ask for something you're not familiar with, most good restaurants or wine bars will let you have a 'taste' to ensure you like it before committing to a full glass or bottle. If you don't like it, a good server can usually help you find something you do like, as long as you can express to them what was not to your liking with the taste you just had.
But I have to admit I'm probably guilty of #s 1 and 4 myself. Next time, I'll try to remember to ask my server about the cheese BEFORE I scarf it down!
suthungirl at 11:36AM on 09/30/08
As a server and guest, I see no reason to know a guests name until a recurring relationship is established. I do appreciate the server providing their name at the end of their first approach to the table, but I hope I never need to ask for my server by name. The server knowing the guests name serves no purpose in most instances. No offense meant at all, but on occasional visits to a restaurant, I see no reason for the server to be addressing me and my guests by name.
The only exception I made was for a large, informal parties that were mingling around the table....I would use their names on my notes for delivering if they wished to play musical chairs, and for seperate checks.
These stories just all seem a little random to me...
Cary at 11:59AM on 09/30/08
I also do not think it is unreasonable to ask for more information on the cheese you have finished eating. Are the guests just being served random mystery plates of cheese? Even if there are 40 varieties available, they had to specify something before it was delivered and did not just say "I want cheese" and grunt....
Cary at 12:03PM on 09/30/08
I never really pay attention when the server tells me his/her name. I just assume that they all do in fact have names. If a server asked me my name I would probably make something up .. Winthorp Von Stottingham III.
I never call for a server to bring me something, I just wait till the next time they come to the table.
I have a phobia about free samples ... Costco drives me nuts, they keep wanting to force little bits of food on me. I'd rather just buy the glass or bottle of wine and be done with it, if I don't like it I'll order something different next time.
redfish at 12:40PM on 09/30/08
Hannah, I agree with all of the above.
(especially #3: Who do you think you are anyway, dude??)
I also hate those customers who snap their fingers for your attention.
That is usually the same customer who applies to #3 above who is just too cool to open his/her mouth and ask for you--does this dude think he's in some kind of movie? No one does that unless they're the queen or whatever.
hungrychristel at 1:03PM on 09/30/08
On the name bit, my husband tells people he's John Smith when strangers ask him for his name...like cashiers at stores that ask for your name, address, etc. He always tells them no, and when they INSIST on knowing his name, he tells them John Smith. He always gets a dirty look when he does that.
My husband and I are very private people, so even at the restaurants we go to 3-5 times per week, we don't care to know their names nor have we given them our names. They probably know our names from our credit cards, but they never address us by our names. However, they know what we order when we walk in and don't give us a menu. I'd like to keep it that way.
When I go to one of our regular restaurants and bring someone different, I prefer to remain anonymous, too.
Sometimes I wonder if the names people give are real. This line of thought started when I went to Benihana a couple years ago and the names of the chefs were names like Johnny, Charlie, Peter, ... but they couldn't speak a lick of English, or Japanese for that matter.
As for gum, I don't know of any friendly alternative. I suppose gum can be disposed of in the cloth napkin, spat outside the restaurant if there's no rubbish can, pasted on the plate, ...?
That cheese story is amusing. If I were in that situation - "That was fantastic, what did I just eat?" My response would be - "Hell if I know! You're the one that ate it." Of course, I'd be fired on the spot.
Cassaendra at 1:15PM on 09/30/08
I've really been enjoying these stories, Hannah. While I realize that every server has different pet peeves, wishes, and experiences, it's always fun to hear what's happening in the day-to-day life of a server. For those who have never held a similar job, I also think the posts can be really informative. (by the way, I totally dealt with the name-as-a-weapon people - I didn't necessarily want their name, too, but I could just tell by the way they asked that I was going to get an "OMGLAWDORK! CAN WE HAVE SOME MORE ICED TEA HERE?!" yelled across the restaurant at the worst possible time.)
Fun post, and I look forward to seeing more! It's a little bit like Kitchen Confidential for the front of the house - but with less drugs and cursing. ;-)
omglawdork at 1:50PM on 09/30/08
Hi!
Ok, I certainly don't need or want to know the names of all the people I wait on. But if we're having a long conversation, if they are regulars, if they are my potential soulmate, then it would be cool if we know each other's names.
lambowner, I work in a wine bar kind of place. If someone orders a bottle, a taste is to see if it's corked. If we sell it by the glass, it's a-ok to taste just to see if they like something. With food, you have to commit before you know. Such is life.
Cary, often poeple just let us put together a selection of cheeses for them, so they didn't actually order specific cheese.
Cheers!
Hannah
Hannah Howard at 2:10PM on 09/30/08
I don't care to be my customers friend, just give them great service and hope they tip well for it.
Pet peeve: People who blow their nose into cloth napkins.
Disgusting!
Silvia at 3:41PM on 09/30/08
@Cassaendra - Ideally the gum would be disposed of before entering the restaurant, but the appropriate thing to do here is put the gum in a tissue or wrapper and put it back into one's purse or pocket. Gross, maybe, but it is grosser to make another human being handle it.
producestories at 9:11PM on 09/30/08
We recently went out to eat with some good friends of ours to a really nice restaurant. I mean we've been to TGI Fridays and places like that with them, but never a nice place. It was horrid. I will never choose to go with them again.
Let's start from the beginning. He's a messy eater and not very "polite" with the food. This is hard to explain but I'm sure most of you get it. It's like he doesn't respect what he's putting in his mouth at all. He's just throwing it around and shoving it down his throat, while getting stuff on his shirt and everywhere else.
Then, he finishes his salad and they brought our main course and didn't have a free moment right then to grab his salad plate from the table. So he put it on the floor! "Oh my goodness, did you just say he put it on the floor?" Yes people that's what I said. I have never heard or seen this in my life, ESPECIALLY at the type of resteraunt we were eating at!
Then after a ticket that totaled more then $200 (expensive when your young and from Texas) he was not going to leave a tip at all. He said he didn't believe in leaving tips because he thought the restaurant should pay their waiters enough money. This made it over the top for me. There we are fighting over a tip. I have never even been a waitress and I think this is obsurd.
Don't worry my husband and I left a generous tip.
jenn3250 at 11:28PM on 09/30/08
Cary, it's not unreasonable to want to know more about a cheese you're eaten, but it is unreasonable to expect a server to remember not only which assortment of cheeses you got without looking at the ticket, but expect her to magically divine which cheese it was out of that assortment by pointing at an empty spot on the plate, which is what Hannah is complaining about.
thepictsie at 4:08AM on 10/01/08
Because I am basically a bar tender (albeit, one who only pours/ talks about wine), I almost never give out my name. Sometimes customers are directed my way by other employees who give out my name and I don't mind this at all. I am on a first name basis with nearly all of our regulars, and often if we've had a good time chatting, customers will ask my name and introduce themselves right before they leave.
The "name-as-weapon" people are usually easy to spot: they ask for my name upon first interaction, repeat it each time I am serving them or checking on them and inevitably use it to call me from across the room. Not to generalize, but it always seems that the "type" who do this are older, gregarious men who embarrass their families by treating the help this way. I cringe when I see and hear them when I am out at restaurants.
liwinegirl at 8:49AM on 10/01/08
Although I have never worked in a restaurant, I have respect for those who do. I am overly polite and appreciative when receiving good service. I have been in the company of other people who are, in fact, rude to waitors because they are basically rude and uncaring. Unfortunately not everyone has good manners and good people skills. I believe people who are rude to the service industry are low class, insecure people who enjoy the act of bullying.
I enjoy having a waitor who gives his/her name when they approach my table. I am not, however, inclined to introduce myself. I don't think it is necessary unless I dine there often.
Not often, but I have, after tasting the newly opened bottle of wine, refused it because it did not taste right. When you order a bottle of Silver Oak 1998 you know right away if it has not been stored properly. Another bottle was brought to the table and it was perfectly fine. It's not the restaurant owner or the server's fault.
dianeb at 9:26AM on 10/01/08
@phauxtoe Many good wine bars pour a small taste of the wines-by-the-glass that they are offering to let the customer see if they'd like to proceed with a full glass. It's a nice courtesy since the bottle is already open, so why not? And if the bottle is already open, the waiter has obviously already certified that it's not corked, so that's not the point of the taste.
And yes, in my experience as a former waiter in NYC, only wankers or guys trying to pose as big-wigs ask for the server's name. I used to politely ask back what their name was.
sporkster at 12:14PM on 10/01/08
@liwinegirl: I definitely show sympathy to you with bartending as a fake name, for safety reasons. I acually had my manager change my name-tag to my FOH Nickname ("choochie") after running into several problems in regards to stalkers.
hungrychristel at 2:53PM on 10/01/08
Re: gum...
Doesn't anyone frequent a restaurant with a public bathroom?? Last time I checked there were wastebaskets in there... =)
akk328 at 3:15PM on 10/01/08
i have a friend who uses a waitresses name as often as possible, and i find it creepy. especially when its just read off their nametag, which he squints at and says, "why thank you... MEGAN." he probably thinks this makes him seem special... i guess more special than people who cant read? but waitresses always, always know when youre hitting on them. and i imagine they dont like it too much. gal's just trying to do her job.
redzerostar at 6:03PM on 10/04/08
I have to say that this has been a bit enlightening. I may be guilty of one of these things that irritate waiters/waitresses. However, I am always nice and I never bark their names across the room. You could probably accuse me of eating something then asking about it. I think I do this because the waitress has made me feel special so I naturally assume she will remember what I had. However that is pretty stupid to think that unless of course I have been her only customer. :) As far as teling the waitress/waiter my name.... IT'S OK!!!! Everyone I know has a first name. This snotty "we are private people" is just rude. You are not so private that you won't let someone WAIT ON YOU! If you can go out to eat in public, pay with a credit card (with first and last name), and let someone WAIT ON YOU, then I wonder if it is that you are private, or just unfriendly and snobby. No one said that you have to make a friend, tell your life history, or donate an organ... it's just nice and polite, and for crying out loud its a FIRST NAME people. Whatever happened to being nice and using good common sense manners?
floridagirl at 11:04AM on 10/05/08
Pet peeves: I have a few. Oh yes.
-People who order meat medium-rare and complain that it's pink inside
-People who seem to consider a choice between, say swiss and cheddar, or fries and cole slaw, a matter on par with Sophie's Choice. It's one freaking meal, people!
-People who let their unruly toddlers run- yes, run- around the restaurant. I suspect these parents secretly want their child to be trampled and maimed so it will be forced to be still for awhile.
-But Number 1 is definitely: People who wave me over, after I've asked a few times if they would like to order, then when I get to the table they have NO IDEA what they want. Then why the hell did you just wave at me/snap at me/ call me?
thatgrrl at 6:04PM on 10/05/08
I would never ask a waiter/waitress (I refuse to use the P.C. "waitperson") his or her name and think the trend of "My name is Josh and I'll be your server tonight" is as annoying as pretentious menus that include made-up, non-traditional dishes such as lobster ravioli with walnut-pesto sauce. I don't care what their name is and they shouldn't care what my name is. As far as tasting the wine, the purpose of tasting it is to determine if it has gone bad, not to determine if one likes it. For the latter, enroll in a wine tasting club and educate your palate at your own expense, not the restaurant's. I find the trend of taking the drink orders as soon as the customer sits down to me very inconvenient. Restaurants do this for their own convenience, not the customer's. Unless is the restaurant is in Tucson, the outside temperature is 110 and I have arrived by stage coach rather than an air conditioned car, I am not so parched I need liquid immediately. If so, bring me a glass of water while I decide. How on earth do I know what beverage I want to order until I've decided what I am having for dinner? I suppose the idea is to encourage more sales of both before dinner and with dinner drinks, but I'd still rather wait and make sure what I order before dinner does not clash with my meal if I am still finishing it at dinner time.
JerseyWarren at 11:50AM on 10/06/08
I must comment on a comment: "No one said that you have to make a friend, tell your life history, or donate an organ... it's just nice and polite, and for crying out loud its a FIRST NAME people. Whatever happened to being nice and using good common sense manners?"
I find this trend of store employees addressing customers by their first names to be overly familiar and disrespectful. When I worked in a cheese shop at the age of 18, all of our customers' first names were Mr., Mrs., Sir, or Ma'am. If they must use a name, it should be both title and surname, not FIRST name. For a waiter to call a customer by his/her first name (unless invited to do so) is BAD manners. I invite the poster to purchase a copy of any good etiquette book.
JerseyWarren at 11:55AM on 10/06/08
Well, I guess then I must comment on a comment ON A COMMENT: "No one said that you have to make a friend, tell your life history, or donate an organ... it's just nice and polite, and for crying out loud its a FIRST NAME people. Whatever happened to being nice and using good common sense manners?"
My comment is: YEAH FLORIDAGIRL!! OMG people - what a bunch of rude, paranoid people some of you are...YES be friendly to the waitstaff - they are half of the dining experience WHEREVER you go (fancy or Fridays) - and odds are they will NOT remember your name anyway...but they will remember your demeanor (and your tip). I don't want to sound like I'm a user of people (or waitstaff) but I WANT them to remember my smiling face...so that when it's a choice between my party to be seated and Mr & Mrs. Snobface Grouchy-pants, I will WIN everytime! And I will also be offered the 'inside information' on the specials and get the good ones, not just the ones they are currently pushing like crazy because they are trying to get rid of the 'not so fresh' catch of the day(s) or the pork chops that didn't sell so well last week...ya know? I want the waitstaff to FIGHT over me to serve me when I walk through the door (this happens a lot too!) However, I'm not saying that I will take lousy service (or lousy food) with a smile either. You will have to be on your game with me if you want to get that premium tip - but it's there for the achieving! (No I don't fault the waitstaff for lousy food - just the service). So be jovial, be special, be interesting and BE MEMORABLE!! (Just don't be a jerk!)
pjacob01 at 1:03PM on 10/06/08
When we eat out,it's upscale at least 90% of the time.We are "trade",food and beverage with a long industry history.So the reply is from the training as well as patron position.We happen not to like "shelf speak",no insult but your name isn't at all important.YOUR SERVICE IS.I am very tired of gushy
in place of CRISP-PROMT service,wait staff and kitchen.I see your job as
"aware" of many things at once.The better you are and the less we need to "converse" the better your tip.Wine service is of equal importance.More often the education,training falls WAY short.If we select something off the mark it's "OURS",a staff selection it's" YOURS".?Do you always pour the proper amount?Or as is almost alway the case OVER POUR?To sell more,not to mention diminush the "wine experience".Often where we dine the stems are too costly for a "free" taste.However one or two glasses shared by a party of four to eight works.We always ask to see the bottle and ask how long ago it was opened.Two days can be anything from
"evolved" to "nasty",sooo please don't chat me up,gushing about the wine,
the program or your canned shelf speak.When asked ABV don't "need" to find it on the label,know where to look.Reading it can be a real challenge in poor light.So serve the patron,don't just memorize a 3x5 card.Oh and the cellar temperature for serving red wine is 65-68 degrees F.Ever wonder how wrong temps lower the experience and your tips.
GUM,I agree is disgusting (used).However what makes it more offensive
than chewed,rejected or other been in the mouth on an open plate.(crab
shells etc) Sorry but to most folks spit is spit.Chewing gum wrapped in a paper napkin doesn't sound horrid.Like it or not everything on that gum is
also on the silverware,dinner napkin and plate.Realistically where can you draw the line?
You would also do very well to take all "Jersey Warren" offered to heart and learn.SERVICE = TIPS
lcool at 1:15PM on 10/06/08
You're the on that sounds like the pretentious snob...I don't need to know your name and I don't want to be your friend...I am there for a meal. As for the gum...if they expect you to put in your hand, then you have the right to say no, and bring them a plate to put it on. Pretty simple I'd say!
As to your last comment: "If you're reasonably nice and leave a reasonably nice tip, you're good by me." Wow, everyone goes to a restraurant and is seriously concerned about what the waiter thinks of they...as long as they leave a good tip. I leave a tip based on the service and the food! So, I say do your job, stut up and you will get a good tip..or quit.
AG4JAZZ at 2:01PM on 10/06/08
@Jerseywarren- I will purchase a book on etiquette as soon as you take a class on how to have a personality and not be such a snot. I bet you are a real treat to be around. @lcool We are fun loving people out having a good time. Since when should everything be by the book. What a bore.
floridagirl at 6:31PM on 10/06/08
Honestly!
dianeb at 11:56AM on 10/08/08