Served: My Plea To Tip Kindly
I blog by day and wait tables by night. I'm excited to bring you Served, dispatches from the front of the house. Enjoy!
Girls, Go Forth and Succeed!
Mrs. Redline wrote her name on some kind of old-school computer program for our fourth grade computer class as a fat red line. She took obvious delight in the cleverness of her visual pun. The fact that it was rendered digitally was icing on the cake.
We were not so easily impressed.
Mrs. Redline gave us her favorite lecture so many times that her words are permanently inscribed in the deepest recesses of my brain.
"Girls," she would say, "Listen up!" We were all girls, ponytailed and donning our regulation scratchy blue uniform jumpers. We were busy in front of our PCs devising PowerPoint presentations about the Civil War, or playing an incredible game involving multiplication problems and bowling monkeys.
Any technological mishap might prompt Mrs. Redline's speech. Perhaps some student's computer would freeze up and she'd raise her hand in frustration.
Mrs. Redline's response was to the whole class: "You are sheltered here. You've been taught that you can do anything, because you can. But in the big, bad world outside, people are backwards. They believe stereotypes. They think girls are good at some things and bad at other things. They think just because you are a girl, you cannot be good at computers. It is your job to prove them wrong. Show the world what women can do! Figure out a solution! Restart your computer!" Rah rah!
I was annoyed by her point. Why should it be our responsibility to disprove people's ignorant notions? Was that really the point of our education?
Ugly Stereotypes
Stereotypes are often the way we make sense of a complicated world. They are easy ways to make categories, draw lines, and simplify complexities. They are, by definition, flawed. All French women are not stylish and scarf-wearing and all Americans are not obese. Duh.
But, to risk sounding boorish, many stereotypes are based on a kernel of truth. They come from somewhere.
As you might expect, I have found that sometimes stereotypes about how people behave while dining out hold up. (You know—some cops really do love doughnuts!) Other times, they prove woefully inadequate (this super health-conscious, vegan, yogi policeman hasn't touched anything fried in years).
Table Manners
Until I started waiting tables, I had no idea that there were commonly held generalizations about how people act, order, and tip.
In retrospect, it makes perfect sense. There are aphorisms about everything. Why should racism, sexism, and general ignorance disappear inside dining establishments? Europeans are supposed to be awful tippers, as are all tourists. Black people, a maxim purports, don't tip well. Women? Also supposedly lousy tippers.
I never thought I would be urging people to follow the advice I loathed, but I am doing just that. Please, don't live up to these awful and silly stereotypes. Maybe all of us fourth graders would not go on to exhibit great prowess with computer-related pursuits, but I hope we all grew up to be decent tippers. Everyone, tip well! Factor a generous gratuity into the cost of your meal. If you cannot afford it, please dine somewhere less pricey.
This goes for everyone, of course. A white man in a suit came in to my place while I was bartending the other day and rambled incessantly about how much money he made. He told me about his new car, his new vacation home, and how he loved to freely spend his copious cash. He shared this information with the guests sitting beside him, too. "What's his deal?" the woman next to him asked me when he left.
His deal was a mystery to me. He had left scarcely a tip: about five percent. Really?
My Humble Plea
There is no need to overtip, but it never hurts to err on the side of big. I firmly believe that good tipping is good karma. And the people who serve your dinner, cut your hair, drive your taxi, and all the rest rely on your tips to make a living.
Perhaps the system in which those in the service industry rely almost exclusively on tips is flawed. (That's another column.) But it's futile to protest that inadequacy by refusing to tip; the only people who get hurt are those like me. We're left to wonder, "Did I offend them? Was something wrong?"
And left to fantasize about getting in the face of that suited man, and saying, "I'm glad you're so rich and you can afford to tip properly on a few glasses of wine. Thanks for your incredible generosity."
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58 Comments:
a lot of people have never worked in restaurants, therefore don't realize that the service industry minimum wage is different than regular minimum wage, and is disgustingly low (it was just over $2 an hour way back when i was doin' it, and i don't think it's changed much since, but I could be wrong). it used to irk me to no end when people tipped like crap, especially if they had you running around ragged for them and acting like they were your only customer all night. i never confronted a customer about an awful tip because it's bad form; but i too would rethink scenarios in my head afterwards about What I Could Have Said. i firmly believe that everyone should do a stint as a server. people who didn't know better would be really surprised by how damn hard it is.
french tart at 8:42AM on 08/19/08
I used to work in an upscale pizzeria, but people were constantly ignoring the upscale part of it and leaving a $20 on an $18 tab. It's amazing how people can complain about all the trouble of setting and clearing the table, retrieving multiple beverages, and serving a meal when they throw a party at their own house but are willing to ignore the person who does all of those things for them on a night out.
agk685 at 9:17AM on 08/19/08
I have an odd thing to add about tipping. Sometimes people tip well but someone snakes their tip before it can get to the waiter/waitress. I still vividly remember one time when I was on vacation in the mountains and I went to this little diner type place for dinner. The waitress was very friendly and the food was decent, I'd stayed almost 2 hours drinking my beverages and snacking on food (the place was fairly empty anyway), and the waitress had encouraged me to stay as long as I liked, chatting me up about her kids, her dog, the locals, etc. I ended up tipping $10 on my $10 bill (left two $10 bills). Then I got up to use the restroom before leaving and as I came back, I saw the busboy clearing my table - including sticking his hand in the check, snagging one of the $10 and sticking it in his apron! So I was left with a dilemma, leave like that and have her think I was a cheap tourist, or cough up some more $. I decided to cough up more $ obviously, but just bear in mind, if you don't grab the check quick enough, it may not always be the customer being cheap, someone may have decided to steal your well earned $ :-(
sylphon at 9:32AM on 08/19/08
Only once did I ever confront a customer about a lousy tip. The bill was $28 and change, and when I picked up the wallet I said my customary "I'll be right back with your change." The woman said "Keep it." When I opened the wallet, there was $29 in it. I counted out the change, anger building and went back by the table they had just left to see if something else was there. Nothing.
I saw them in the foyer and walked over, holding out my hand and said "Ma'am, you forgot your change." She said "It's for you." Again, I said "You forgot your change." Yeup...she complained to the manager.
I filled their glasses - on request - no less than 4 times (it was lunch). After two requests for "another napkin", I brought several. I pre-bussed. I ran for extra sauce TWICE.
She had the nerve to tell the manager "It's not required that I leave anything...she should appreciate what she got." The manager - bless her heart - said "Our servers are accustomed to receiving much more than 1%."
My lunch average was always over 15%. Dinner left me wondering if I finished the evening with less than 25%. I understand the feeling of that "one" tip that makes a server second guess themselves. I've learned - it isn't me. Some people should be going through a drive-thru window and not step foot inside a service establishment.
I'll take Hannah's comment "If you can't afford to tip, go somewhere less pricey" a little further. If you can't afford to tip properly, you should probably be eating in your own kitchen.
thewrighttaste at 9:37AM on 08/19/08
While waitressing my way through college, the worst situation I ever encountered while I had a short (6 weeks) stint at Friendly's. I was still a "trainee" server but the manager thought it would be good to put me on a table of oh, 12 people. They had me running around like a chicken with it's head cut off and were extremely rude to me. They also ordered about six waffles. I explained to them that there would be a delay with the waffles as we only could make two at a time and they each took several minutes. They wanted them anyway but then complained about the timing. My tip? ZERO. And to add insult to injury, my manager let them belittle and berate me as they left while he said nothing. Needless to say, I quite shortly thereafter.
foodiedani at 9:52AM on 08/19/08
A Rule:
Bad Food (or other kitchen action) Is Not The Servers' Fault.
lemons at 9:56AM on 08/19/08
Is it common to tip in other "service" areas other than dining? I have always lived the rural south where I honestly don't think that its common. I always tip at least 20% in a restaurant / bar, because that's how servers make there living. I understand that they are payed a very low hourly wage and they really do make their living on tips.
But the "barista" at starbucks? My barber? I never tip them. Working at Starbucks is not much different that working at McDonalds or any other fast food place and those people are never tiped. The same goes for my barber. I usually go to a guy that has owned his own shop for just pays rent to work somewhere, so I figure they should charge what they want to charge.
Am I a complete asshole? I did tip at my local coffee shop (when I had one) but thats because they offered great service and would roast any of there many coffees with just a days notice.
Also, every time this debate comes up I think of Mr Pink's rant on the subject from Reservoir Dogs.
jnash85 at 10:27AM on 08/19/08
I wanted to address the stereotype issue. When I receive good service I will always give more tip than 15%. Standard 15% even if the service wasn't that good. What I've seen however is that server's stereotype too and assume we are not going to give a good tip. We get lousy service because why bother when they don't expect us to have the decency to give a good tip. I've been to many restaurants where people are seated before us, paid more attention to than us, and then how are we supposed to react. If we tip less, then we're playing to the stereotype, if we tip the standard amount, we're the suckers. It's a catch-22 I think. I will still continue to give 15% tip but reserve the right to speak to the manager if I feel the service lacked. I respect my friends in the industry but it's not fun to spend all that money for a night out and be ignored by the server too.
heyriss at 10:32AM on 08/19/08
I'm a recent college grad working as a low-paid temp, so if I can make a point of tipping 20% as a standard, others can too!
And foodiedani, maybe it's a Friendly's thing -- two of my best friends waitressed there through high school and CONSTANTLY complained about getting these huge tables of people who would barely tip at all. Something about the clientele, I guess!
sarahlucy at 11:07AM on 08/19/08
@jnash85 by being concerned enough to ask the question you've proven that you're not an a-hole but I think most people tip their barber.
And I want to be Mr. Black....
bobbob at 11:32AM on 08/19/08
No matter how bad the service, I always tip enough so that when I later realize that I left my gloves in the restaurant, I won't be too embarrassed to go back for them.
bcarter3 at 11:32AM on 08/19/08
@heyriss: I am a generous-to-very-generous tipper, having worked in foodservice for years and knowing that tips are the majority of a service-person's income.
However, when I do go somewhere a little upscale, I frequently feel that I'm immediately red-flagged as a bad tipper because I don't order wine or cocktails. I do not drink, but very often the server seems to assume that those who go out to eat without ordering drinks are trying to scrimp and save. Once that assumption has been made (and I've seen the change from friendly to cold occur instantly upon refusing a wine list), service is bad for the rest of the meal.
This happens more often than not at finer restaurants when I go out with my boyfriend, who is also a non-drinker: it doesn't matter how we're dressed, or how polite we are (very), or how many unwanted bottles of sparkling water I order. This is a real shame, because I've grown so discouraged that I don't want to go out to nicer places and spend that kind of money for what is so often unfriendly service - I've actually had food arrive cold, appetizers come after main dishes, etc., in this sort of situation. Sure, I can complain afterward to the management, but it's such a sour experience that I'd rather avoid it.
I recognize that stereotypes often contain a kernel of truth, and that servers are using their own experiences of non-drinkers being poor tippers at restaurants, but as someone who loves food and who makes a real effort to be as accommodating and friendly to everybody at restaurants, I find it unfortunate that this attitude is so prevalent. I don't get the opportunity to prove that non-drinkers can be good tippers, because when the service is so bad, I can't in good conscience leave more than the bare 15% minimum. (There have definitely been exceptions of course, and those are the places we go back to often.)
producestories at 11:44AM on 08/19/08
recently i had dinner at a very nice place in nyc. our waitress asked me how we liked the dessert. i told her that we didn't. it was a perfectly nice dessert, we just didn't like it. she then proceeded to bring us each a glass of dessert wine and then take the dessert off the bill. you'd better believe i gave her a really, really nice tip -- in cash, slipped directly into her hand!
cybercita at 12:26PM on 08/19/08
Producestories, the reason (i assume) servers give up on you is not that they assume you're a bad tipper, but rather that they can't make money on you. Alcohol can easily be 30%+ of a bill, and they make 20% of that. So for example if you order $70 worth of food and $30 worth of alcohol and tip 20%, they get $20. If you only order $70 worth of food and no alcohol, they're looking at $14 in tips.
And that's assuming a conservative amount of alcohol (i think).
mh330 at 12:31PM on 08/19/08
Another thing to take into account, especially with the "tourists are bad tippers" thing is that not everywhere is the minimum wage lower for servers. In NY, where it is so, tipping tends to average 20%, often being even higher, and 15 would be an insult. In, for example, Seattle, where servers have to be paid the same minimum wage as everyone else (around $8/hr) tipping tends to be a little less. The tourists may not realize this. I'm in no way defending a 5% tip, but I am defending a 15%....
@produce stories, it might not be that you are necissarily pegged as a bad tipper because you don't order drinks, but that your bill is automatically $30-60+ dollars less...thus your tip is going to be less, even if you are a perfectly reasonable tipper.
dagoose at 12:34PM on 08/19/08
Dagoose and mh330 have a nice point about the percentage of a tip that depends on alcohol purchased- and it ties in well with the statement "If you cannot afford it, please dine somewhere less pricey." How on earth are nondrinkers who dine "somewhere less pricey" supposed to tip the server adequately when the tip is anticipated to be a percentage of the bill? Why does the server at the less pricey place deserve less - is it his or her bad karma for working there? I guess the moral is to tip more when you are eating at a cheaper place, but does that extend to fast food (whose servers also work hard)? What a mess this tipping business is.
Likeswords at 12:53PM on 08/19/08
"Europeans are supposed to be awful tippers,"
This is not an 'awful and silly stereotype', this is a reflection of an entirely different culture, where restaurants can't get away with paying their servers half minimum wage and expecting them to make up a living wage on tips. Europeans have a culture of giving smaller tips (10%, not tipping on tax), though look at America a decade or so ago and they weren't that far different in fact.
Want another 'awful and silly stereotype'? American's are frequently believed to have no awareness of the cultures of other nations, and to assume that their way is the best and only way that things should be. Please don't live up to that one.
sarahdlr at 1:20PM on 08/19/08
I too, am a generous tipper, on most occasions. I always tip at least 20 percent, unless I've had really horrendous service. However, on the other side of the "keep the change" dialogue, I once had a waitress keep the change, even though we hadn't told her to! We had planned on tipping separately and needed the change from our bill back, but the waitress never reappeared. She just kept whatever change was leftover. So we left her with just that, even though I would usually never tip so low (although she had been a truly horrible server anyway).
And @jnash, I disagree with your comments about not tipping at places like Starbucks. I used to work at a local ice cream store where we would get our asses kicked when it was busy. We didn't depend on making tips but we always appreciated when people realized we were working as fast and hard as could to serve them, even with a line around the block. Same goes for a busy Starbucks. Now I always at least leave my extra change at places like that when it's incredibly busy.
rachaeltb at 1:36PM on 08/19/08
@rachaeltb, so what about McDonalds, Burger King, Arby's and the like? I see your point, and I would be more open to tipping at a local place that I frequented if the service was always great, but it shouldn't be expected.
I've never worked in a restaurant, but do the cooks usually get a cut of the tips? As I understand it, they are just as busy as the servers, but don't get the tips, because they make a decent hourly wage.
I'm starting to sound like George Costanza, but does it ever end?
jnash85 at 2:02PM on 08/19/08
@jnash85: most places make the front of the house tip out the back. usually the back gets an envelope with some cash in it.
french tart at 2:27PM on 08/19/08
I've never relied on tips.
Get a better job.
Jim Glover at 2:49PM on 08/19/08
I'm just trolling a bit.
Jim Glover at 2:49PM on 08/19/08
I'm a generous tipper, but I tip on the subtotal, not the total. Because when I waited tables, we only had to declare a percentage of the total of all our subtotals from our checks for the night.
growler at 2:59PM on 08/19/08
I work at a tasting bar and bad tipping on the part of large groups w/ reservations can destroy our day. Extra staff is needed to accommodate these groups so the tip pool is now split among more people. The general expectation at wine bars for a glass or tasting is $1 per person participating. Yet, groups of 16-20 often feel generous enough when one of them throws down a 5 spot.
My husband and I once had this truly amazing service experience. Our waiter was exceptional, though, as we were nearing the end of our meal, we saw a customer at another table giving him a hard time about every aspect of her meal. She asked to speak to the manager. Once we spotted both the manager and waiter at her table, my husband got up (leaving the bill in perfect change on the table) and placed a 50% tip into the waiter's hand and loudly thanked him for his excellent service, before telling the manager how wonderful he'd been. The other customer looked so perturbed. Classic.
liwinegirl at 3:34PM on 08/19/08
The fact of the matter is most people want to get off with as low a tariff as possible. We preach that as a society, except in those rarefied circumstances where overspending is a mark of status. On another blog last week, this same subject came up...and the funniest thing I read was, " Tipping is just ownership's way of paying a smaller wage", totally doing the Homer Simpson on the fact that if the owner had to pay the "tip" as wage that the final bill would be even higher (payroll taxes, etc)...if you can't afford to spend 25% more than the printed menu price (to cover tax and gratuity), go somewhere else where you can afford to be correct.
iwannacook at 3:38PM on 08/19/08
Oh come on...get a better job? I worked my way through college serving and DID get a better job, but that's just an asnine statement.
BTW, a high end server can clear 50K plus a year. So, how's your job compare to that.
Good service deserves a good tip. Bottom line. If I peeved at a server, I still leave 10%. And if I'm exceptionally happy with one, I've been known to leave 50%. If they server makes your meal more enjoyable by paying good attention to you or even leaving you alone when you want to be left alone, doesn't that deserve some thanks? You came in, had a good meal and didn't have to do dishes or cook.
As for not paying attention to the non-alcohol consuming patrons, unfortunately, it does happen. I always considered it foolish but when teh server is concerned about their bottom line as much as a non-tipping customer is, it's a bad combo.
Varuna77 at 5:34PM on 08/19/08
Just got home from a heinous shift in what is usually a fine restaurant tip-wise. I usually make 18-20% during a lunch shift, but today I had several tables leave $1/person. This was on meals that included apps and entrees and multiple bev refills or beers- around $15/person. I expect this from certain patrons- this place attracts older folks from the neighborhood who are likely on fixed incomes (and I don't see this expectation as stereotyping as much as accepting the realities of our economic treatment of seniors). I understand that, and try to provide them with the same service that any table would get. But today, these shabby tips were from those tables that seem to think that saying "Thank you" a lot helps me pay the rent.
Here's the conundrum: servers remember people who tip well and provide them with the best service when they come back. But what do you do about bad/insulting tippers? If you give them shabby service, then they feel justified in tipping badly and never learn. The best I can come up with is when a bad tipper comes back, I try to give the nearest table really great service and thank them loudly for their adequate tip, hoping that the cheapskates will see what good tipping can get you.
thatgrrl at 7:47PM on 08/19/08
I've worked as a server in America and Ireland – in America the wage was significantly lower, so I really relied on tips. In Ireland and the Uk that is not the case, you get at least minimum wage or above – tips are a nice extra. That is why Europeans are considered bad tippers; guess they don't see why they have to supplement a server's poor wage, when they are already paying enough for the meal. It's no excuse for bad tipping, but does go some way to explain the 'cheapness' theory.
I have always found American servers, the majority that is, to be excellent, attentive and definitely go the extra mile. So tipping well there is fine for me. But over in the UK, servers are belligerent, lazy and frequently rude; they have no concept of customer service and seem to think you should be happy with whatever service they give you. Tipping them irks me, do they deserve my hard earned cash – no! I have always been of the belief, since my time serving in the states, that you earn your tip, it is not just expected. The worst part is that most places here include the 12.5% service charge on the bill, so even if they totally didn't deserve it, you feel obliged to leave it.
EatersRegret at 4:26AM on 08/20/08
Tips started out as a little thank you for a job well done, and has since turned into a necessity. Yes, I tip, but I hate it. I remember when tipping 15% was generous, and 20% was for exceptional service. Now if I leave only 15% I'm made to think I slapped the waitress in the face! Considering I'm still in college, and don't eat out much at restaurants that one would tip at (maybe once a semester) I think 15% is fine.
And I don't tip randomly, like barbers or Starbucks.
Haha, I also just remembered a time I tipped 50%. I was in a large group who went out to breakfast at the beginning of a road trip. I don't eat a large breakfast, so I only ordered a cup of 50 cent coffee. When we were compiling tips I put down a quarter. One of the people I was with, who was sitting at a different table, started yelling at me for leaving such a measly tip, until I told him I only had coffee.
PeteRepeat42 at 8:52AM on 08/20/08
I would like to know if I am expected to tip when I get takeout from a restaurant. No service was rendered, other than preparing & boxing my food, and ringing up my order. Do I need to tip the hostess or someone else involved? If so, what percentage is adequate? I often do not tip and I frequently get take out as I have a 10 month old baby who will not allow me a meal in a restaurant. Thanks for your guidance.
sperrone at 11:19AM on 08/20/08
Sperrone, I would say no to tipping on takeaway. Takeout is, in its essence, the absence of service. I know it isn't exactly PC but I am tired of tipping everyone, hairdressers, taxis, etc. Surely you are already paying for a service in the first place anyway. You don't tip people that work in shops, so why everywhere else?
If they provide a good service I always tip, but I am increasingly annoyed over the policy of just tipping irregardless of the experience- what exactly am I paying for if not a 'good' service? Am I rewarding bad service?
EatersRegret at 12:26PM on 08/20/08
Just to add, I am not a cheapskate even though I may be coming across as one ;-) I am actually a horrific spendthrift and shop, eat and pay without any thought to the consequences of my bank account.
EatersRegret at 12:30PM on 08/20/08
When someone mentioned "(older) people on FIXED INCOMES" - i had to write! My experience has been that you CAN'T TELL about older people! They may have several hundred K stashed away (and much, much more!) but dress shabby, and put bread in their pockets and tip almost nothing. They only think of themselves and are tight fisted except for themselves. On the other hand, there are those who believe in dressly nicely in public (some older generations i know wear dresses and hose daily, hair well coiffed, even at home) but really don't have 2 nickels to rub together. These are the ones who will tip the best they can.
nvgirl at 2:50PM on 08/20/08
How about the men and women who perform your Barium enema! Let's tip them too. After all what service can be more personal? Tipping gets a little"out there" in terms of who gets what.
raoulduke at 3:34PM on 08/20/08
Tipping does get out there. But I don't think anyone is ever going to be correct in stating that you shouldn't tip your dang blasted SERVERS of food, unless they've performed their job poorly. And then, you should also make sure to follow up with a manager regarding your complaints. A bad server reflects poorly on the entire restaurant, not just your meal.
There's no need to tip takeout. All that's been done is that it was bagged up. Even if you have to pay a server for it, I never expected a tip and was pleasantly surprised when I received one.
Face it people, if you had to eat at a restaruant that paid full minimum wage, food would be at least 20%+ higher than it already is. Unless you're eating at a buffet, it's not just the food that makes eating out enjoyable. It's that you are able to choose from a wider variety than your freezer, someone brings it to you, keeps your drinks filled, perhaps offers some sparkling dinner conversation, and clears your table afterwards. They deserve a tip for working to make your evening pleasant. 15% is nice. 20% is better. 10% usually means that you were satisfied, barely. Nothing is a bit fat YOU SUCK which is a perfectly legitimate complaint to make when it's necessary.
Varuna77 at 4:19PM on 08/20/08
what about restaurant owners or managers cheating servers out of tips?
as a former restaurant owner, i used to hear horror stories from servers about owners/managers "witholding" tips .... especially in situations like banquets where the tip is added onto a big bill and then needed to be broken down amoungst the servers.....
servers with their hearts in the right place usually do very well making tips, while the "sharks" who size up customers usually "tip" themselves off to their tables.
people aren't stupid. it's a crap shoot, but for the most part, if you do the right thing, it usually works out....
pooch at 6:06PM on 08/20/08
@raoulduke: I'll see your barium enema and raise you being a medical student. I mean, I have to PAY tens of thousands of dollars just so I can deal with your deadly infectious disease and smelly poop. Shouldn't that be worth some sort of tip?
Also, I'm an EMT. Perhaps it should be worth a few bucks if I have to throw out my back to carry some fatass down some stairs just so they can get to dialysis for the diabetes that was brought on by their own inability to not eat 50 cheeseburgers a day. Or maybe I should get a few bucks every time I'm vomited on by a drunk who clearly knows but ignores their limit. And how much for that time a patient waited until we were in the ambulance before starting his projectile diarrhea (think tubgirl)? EMTs probably get paid less than servers at many restaurants and work worse hours. Everyone else in the world is asleep and we go into your house and save your ass from dying. That's service.
There is much to be escalated if you start down this road.
wunami at 8:59PM on 08/20/08
how bout the pizza delivery guy?.....do we tip them?
onepercent99 at 7:58AM on 08/21/08
@onepercent99: having delivered pizza myself, yeah. please tip the delivery drivers. nothing pisses them off more than people who will stick their hand out waiting for that penny after they've given you 13 bucks on their $12.99 pizza.
french tart at 8:17AM on 08/21/08
i believe that people who deliver food are paid next to nothing and depend on tips for their income.
cybercita at 11:58AM on 08/21/08
which reminds me: i used to get cat litter delivered from my local place in brooklyn. the delivery guy would always for some reason refuse my tip. so to make myself feel ok, i would go buy him a really good bar of chocolate and give that to him, which he would always accept gladly. it sort of annoyed me that i felt compelled to do that because it made a lot of extra work for me and cost more than i would have had to give him. but he was a nice guy.
cybercita at 12:01PM on 08/21/08
I always tip after tax at restaurants when its just me and my husband. But if the service is bad I tip pre-tax. Here's my scale.
Pre-Tax 15% - Very Bad/Waited too long for everything/never had my water filled
Pre-Tax 18% - Bad service but want them to know it
After Tax 18% - Mediocre service but don't want to be a jerk
After Tax 20% - Good/Excellent
After Tax Over 20% - a regular server/patron of restaurant or bar or server is a friend
What are other people's thoughts on tipping pre-tax? When I have a party and the tip is included in the bill, its always pre-tax?
mvilla at 2:34PM on 08/21/08
Okay, well the payscale I found for EMTs was ranging from 24K to 50K.
I'm not sure about all states, but in most states, servers don't make minimum wage. They have a "special" category for careers that are expected to make tips. In Missouri, that minimum wage is $3.30/hour. Which doesn't break $10K per year at 40 hours a week, which is nearly unheard of in the serving world. God forbid we be treated like salaried workers and be given benefits. And no server ever always gets premium nights (Friday and Saturday nights, preferably the first/last weekends of the month b/c that's when people get paid). Most restaurants have a "must work X number of lunch shifts". Lunch shift means you're usually lucky to break a true minimum wage per hour.
As far as hours go, most restaurants don't stop serving food until anywhere from 9-11 at night. Depending on the logistics of the evening, you might be able to get out in a hour. I've had many a Friday/Saturday night that started at 4pm and lasted until 1am. And I've had to throw a drunk out of a downtown restaurant, cut off someone else from drinking, and deal with a few bums.
I don't think servers serve a "public" duty like EMTs do or compare in level of importance. But to somehow say that servers don't deserve tips b/c you seem to hate your chosen career is just a leap of logic that defies any sort of reasoning.
I guess I could tip my doctors. But I think their salaries of anywhere from $250K to millions/year depending on specialty is good enough for me to think they're well off. And really, if tipping does depend on quick, friendly, efficient service with active listening to ensure that correct orders are taken and served to you promptly...how many doctors would really deserve their 10%-20%?
Varuna77 at 10:03PM on 08/21/08
I tip as much as I can to anyone who serves me. Just came back from a very splurging vacation where I tipped doormen, baggage handlers, concierges, waiters, captains, hair stylists, shampoo people, cab drivers. As far as I can remember, all had started out giving good service, and all continued, with maybe a little added warmth, if I saw them or used their services again.
Big tipping is a nice thing to do, and good karma, if/when you can afford it.
annien at 4:18AM on 08/22/08
Oh and the pizza delivery person makes minimum wage or more, plus reimbursement for their mileage, and they do nothing but pick up their order and go. I still tip 10%, but that's it. It's just like getting curbside service at a chain restaurant.
Varuna77 at 9:19AM on 08/22/08
@wunami....bitter much? you chose the career to help people? or to get money? just wondering. yes, I generally tip at or above standard for regular service and above and beyond for great service.
sfred at 7:47AM on 08/24/08
I often leave the standard 15% tip, with the exception of breakfast service at diners. Then I will usually tip higher, 20% or so. Why? Because breakfast is the meal where people are most likely to be in a rush to leave, without leaving a tip or tipping poorly. Just an observation.
skyeyes at 9:25AM on 08/25/08
I work in a very upscale bar and restaurant in Southern California. I personally think that most people don't tip as well as they would if they knew what goes on with their tip after they leave it. A server in our restaurant has to tip out 5% of their sales to the expediters (the gentlemen who keep track of the courses as they come out and deliver them to the tables...these are the guys you see who don't actually take your order or reccommend wine to you, but can balance five plates on each arm). Then that server must tip out the same percentage to their bussers (who are resposible for clearing, keeping waters filled, bringing bread and butter, etc). Then the servers must tip out their bartender, based upon their liquor sales figures (that's me..oh, and then I also must tip out bussers and expediters for bringing and/or clearing any food consumed at the bar). So say the bill is $100. That's $5 to the bussers, $5 to the expediters, another few bucks for me if the diners drank...and if the diners left 15% ($15), the server is keeping a few bucks.
Granted, this is a problem. And it becomes more of a problem because then a server feels cheated and doesn't tip out internally the way s/he should. So things happen like that particular server's food always seems to come out a bit late, or the waters don't get filled as promptly as they could, or the drinks seem to be a bit weak...and then the cycle begins anew with the leaving of a smaller-than-average tip.
I don't know the solution. I know I'm irritated when I make drinks all night for a particular server and I get three dollars from them at the end of the night while they are claiming "bad tippers". But I know the servers are irritated at having had sales figures on food totalling $1500-2000 and walking out of the restaurant with 80 bucks. Maybe if we were salaried, this wouldn't be the case. But a lot of bartenders and servers I know do these kinds of jobs for the cash...there is an attraction in being able to put one's paychecks in the bank and never touch them because there is always cash in the pocket. Having served and bartended for years, I am a good tipper...quite good...but with the internal tip-out system varying from place to place, even I don't know if the tip I'm leaving will come out accurate for everyone in the end...and I can't afford to start tipping 40-50% across the board.
Phew...what's to be done?
rosezilla at 12:17PM on 08/25/08
Another thing you have to remember, is that the US is one of very FEW countries that tip. You go pretty much anywhere else in the world and they don't - it's included in your meal price.
So when you slam tourists for not tipping, they may come from some where where this is tradition and they figure, erroneously, that you are getting paid well enough to make a living.
katwmn1 at 12:49PM on 08/25/08
Once while tending bar at a smallish neighborhood pub, a gentleman seated at the bar left a few bills on the bar for me and went out the door. The man seated next to him, wide-eyed, snatched up the money and followed him out the door yelling "Hey Mister. You forgot your change." (Several other patrons, and me, watched open-mouthed). Shortly, the man returned, put my tip back on the bar and muttered something like, "he said it was for you."
smckinney at 1:07PM on 08/25/08
@Jnash - As far as I've been taught, by my etiquette-conscious parents, it is not expected to tip the owner of an establishment - as he or she is receiving all of the profit anyway!
So, if your barber owns his own shop, or even your server (that is, if you are being waited on by Anthony of Anthony's Pizza) - a tip is not customary, nor expected.
And why should it be?
kazoinker at 1:10PM on 08/25/08
I am a good tipper, WHEN my server is good. I believe that just like a bonus at other jobs, extra tip is all about how you work. For satisfactory service I'll give 15%. But, if the waiter is rude or ignores the table, I don't mind tipping less that that. I'm a reasonable person . . . if they can't figure out what they did wrong, then they'll probably just do it to someone else.
acumen at 1:33PM on 08/25/08
What about cows? Any thoughts on tipping cows?
buffy at 10:44PM on 08/25/08
If you ever leave less than 10% for ANY reason - you are a thief. By federal law at least a 10% tip must accompany all service transactions. The problem with the law is that they punish the victim. You see, whether you tip or not Uncle Sam still taxes the server for a 10% tip, thus making not tipping a crime. The server pays a fine for a bad tip in the form of income tax. So when you do not tip you are actually taking money they earned from other customers. That makes you a thief. If the service was not up to par, speak with the manager. If you do not speak with the manager but leave a poor tip the service wasn't bad; you are just cheap. And to be quite honest if you get any food, be it what you ordered or not then the server has earned a 10% tip.
WannabeTVchef at 11:33PM on 08/25/08
Servers remember who tips and who doesn't. The tippers will get more of my time, service and hospitality than the ones who tip poorly or not at all.
smile at 12:10AM on 08/26/08
I have read the comments with great interest. I live in New Zealand and generally there is no tipping. If I take a taxi I round up the amount owing, if the fare is a straight $20, then that is what I give. That is the norm here. There is no tipping of hairdressers for instance, and you might tip a waiter/waitress after having received truly good service and on a special night out. That amount is given as a thank you but it is not expected. The minimum wage here is $12.00 per hour from age 16 and that is before tax. I can't get my head around tipping. I feel that a working person ought to receive a "proper" wage and should not have to rely on tipping (people's mood etc etc) to make a living. Let the price of the meal reflect the true cost of that meal. Having said that, should I travel to the States, I would make an effort to find out how to tip correctly but I would prefer not to have to think about what is appropriate to give and suffer embarrassment through ignorance.
in_nz at 4:53AM on 08/26/08
bitterwaitress.com a very funny and unfortunately frequently accurate site. I am a fifty-plus year old who has worked in the restaurant industry since i was old enough to hold a job and i have experienced the best and the worst that this occupation has to offer. I have been waitress, bartender, pastry chef, sous chef, manager, you name it- in several areas of the united states and in france. My personal observation is that most snarky customers who undertip or stiff the servers are generally HUGELY unhappy people who make themselves feel bigger and better by trying to make others-servers-feel small. Power trip. Supercilious behavior. General jerkiness. I once worked in a great beer-plate lunch-burger joint where we could tell the customers to screw off, get out, basically give thier guff right back to them. Sometimes it felt really good to call a jerk a jerk. I also like the line a fellow waitress friend uses on occasion when being jerked around by a customer. She sweetly smiles and says," boy, it must suck to be YOU." Generally, i love my job. I only wait part time now, and on most days it still takes me an hour or so to "decompress"--but i know that those snarks are out there and the law of averages states that i will have to wait on a few of them. I try to ignore them while giving them marginal service-sufficient service, nothing more. Then there are those times that the stereotype doesn't hold true. That is a welcome thing; unfortunately though, here in the deep south the stereotype usually holds true. I try to be a fair tipper--standard 15 percent, 20-25 percent if i have great, attentive service. Good tipping really IS good karma.
hobcat57 at 11:25AM on 08/26/08
I know I'm a little late to the table, but this is an issue that always gets me wound up and I just wanted to add my 20%
I was a barista for years, at an independent coffee shop and I depended on tips to survive. My minimum wage salary barely covered my rent and utility costs, so my tips provided me with food and other essentials as well as funds non essential items and activities which a person needs from time to time. To me a barista is no different than a bartender, they just serve different kinds of beverages. And I would assume that most people tip their bartender, even if all they are ordering is a bottled beer.
I actually labeled my tip jar "Karma Jar" and with the exception of one Hindu woman who found it offensive, people were very responsive to it. I always tip at least $1 esp if I know the tips are being pooled.
I also always tip the pizza delivery guys. They may get paid more than server rate, but they have to use their own car, and making frequent short trips does add to the wear and tear of any vehicle, plus buy their own gas and we all know how that's been lately. People have told me that it's not necessary to tip when a delivery fee is added to the bill, but more often then not that delivery fee goes to the restaurant, not the delivery guy. Pizza delivery can also be a rather dangerous occupation, for more info visit
http://tipthepizzaguy.com/
Which is a little snarky here and there but does give some perspective from the delivery guy's point of view
stonechiper at 8:49AM on 08/28/08