Alcohol poisoning awaits if you follow Radar's alcoholic's guide to the Summer Olympics. Highlights:

Take a sip when a TV announcer:

• Refers to China's "rising middle class"
• Makes note of the fact that the Chinese people eat all sorts of crazy things, including dog leg, donkey meat, scorpion kebab, and yak penis, ostensibly as way to show that Chinese culture is different than ours, but really just to use the phrase "yak penis"

Take a gulp when:

• Bob Costas, sotto voce, informs us that an athlete has "prepared his whole life for just this one moment"
• An announcer utters, "Everyone in the stadium was a winner today" (Or its inverse, "There are no losers here.")

Related: Get Over It: There's a Penis Restaurant in China