Serious Eats
The Next Food Network Star, Episode 4 Recap: Share Your Feelings
The Next Food Network Star must have a private string orchestra for all the sappy music. It's becoming less a show about food, more a therapy session and mope party. Last week, our robotic, perky-faced friend Kelseybot turned on Niagara Falls for judges, "Um, I really am so passionate about ..." She goes on and on as tears stream down, and with that, her blond booty was saved.
Other contestants must have taken note, since this week, Aaron teared up about his still-missing son who ran away from home, Lisa dedicated her dish to her brother fighting in Iraq, and self-deprecating Jennifer overapologized after misshucking an oyster. "If I can't shuck an oyster, I can't do anything," the poor thing declared.
The First Challenge
Tyler Florence strolled in to introduce the first challenge, leaving contestants, like, totally starstruck. He revealed that each person must perform a 60-second technique video, teaching hypothetical television audiences basic kitchen tasks, like how to properly cut a pineapple, or "french" a rack of lamb.
The latter was Kelseybot's assignment, which surprisingly didn't come with her usual side of typical smiles and sparkles. "Keep your energy down," she told herself before the act. And the prep talk apparently worked; Kelseybot won the first challenge.
Nipa, on the other hand, failed miserably. Her assignment was to clean squid, but apparently squid and squid-cleaning doesn't exist in the Midwest or India. "I'm a Midwestern Indian girl!" she complained, as if she should be exempt from the challenge.
Nipa Cannot Clean Squid to Save Her Life
Another failed attempt comes from Jennifer, who overapologized after failing to shuck an oyster. As the judges point out, Food Network stars don't apologize. They stand tall. They stand proud. They are tough like overcooked meat. Jennifer needs a new pair of shoes or expensive haircut, anything to build her confidence. "This could be the reason I go home," she reasons, while apologizing a few more times.
Jennifer Needs a Confidence Boost, Real Bad
The Main Challenge: Red Lobster, Fruit Loops, and 30 Hungry Coast Guards
Two Michaels introduced this week's "Fresh Fish Challenge." That would be Michael Simon, winner of The Next Iron Chef, and Michael LaDuke, senior executive of Red Lobster. Hint, the challenge has something to do with Red Lobster. And, less obvious, it also included whipped marshmallow, caramel, Fruit Loops, grape jelly, white chocolate, and cola.
Whoever best utilized their chosen wacky ingredient with their chosen fish, in a manner still accessible to Red Lobster eaters (that means nothing too fancy with grape jelly, kids) would get their dish featured on all 700 Red Lobsters nationwide. Typically goofy Adam plays the sage here. "I wouldn't mix those with seafood at all." Really? At my house, nothing says tilapia like a white chocolate beurre blanc!
Who will judge besides the Michaels and regular Food Network exec duo, Bob Tuschman and Susie Fogelson? Thirty Coast Guard members. Not the ideal audience for fish tartare, as Lisa noted.
During all this commotion, Nipa played her typical whiny, high-maintenance card. As the Midwestern Indian girl, her usual fallback excuse, she's not a seafood expert.
Fish-Phobic Nipa: More Proof She Signed Up for the Wrong Show
Then the feelings kicked in. "I don't feel good about this at all." Um, deal with it? You're on a food show, and sometimes fish is a food? "It's slimy and gross, I hate it... I've never cooked with grape jelly before," she moaned, as if everyone else took a secret tutorial in basic grape jelly cuisine techniques before the show.
"Ohmygawdohmygawdohmygawd," she squealed like a piglet while touching the fish. She eventually got over her fish phobia, presenting her dish with a side of Bollywood. Shaking her hips with a poker face as the grape jelly fish was served, Coast Guards looked unimpressed.
Lisa, on the other hand, put on a great show when she accidentally tripped and spilled hoisen all over her designer Emilio Pucci shoes and $300 shirt. "I'm so enthusiastic about my food, I'm also wearing it," she charmed the judges. The woman already dresses like a Food Network star, so maybe she should just win already.
Lisa Spills Hoisen Sauce, Endangering Designer Pucci Shoes
Who's Safe
Kelseybot's tilapia and white chocolate beurre blanc won, making her a double champ this episode. Two ingredients that should really never go near each other (white chocolate and tilapia) will now appear on Red Lobster's "Fresh Fish" menus across the country. Kelseybot cried tears of joy, not sadness, but still soap opera Kelseybot tears. Lisa and Shane also get to run upstairs, safe from elimination. Which is good because Lisa looked like she was plotting Kelseybot's death as her competitor was on a "I'm the favorite chick contestant now" high.
The Elimination
Jennifer is safe, even after her overapologizing, because apparently this show is about feelings. And crying! Crying is the secret to winning The Next Food Network Star. "This is a very personal journey, and I'm glad everyone is realizing that," Fogelson pointed out after Aaron begs his missing son Josh to return home. "I want him to come home to a Food Network star." It seemed like Aaron would get the boot anyway, but it was actually Nipa who packed her bags.
Goodbye fish-phobic Midwesterner who will never throw a hissy fit on this show again. Good luck with the Bollywood career.
Previously
NFNS, Episode 3 Recap
NFNS, Episode 2 Recap
The Next Food Network Star's Lisa Garza: Love Her or Hate Her?