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I was completely with you until you said you'd roll your eyes if he requested to pour his own wine. Why judge?

My two cents is that people should indicate their preferences, but I don't think it's at all out-of-bounds to prefer pouring one's own wine, particularly when so many establishments fill wine glasses to the brim. IMO, it's not nearly as enjoyable to drink wine in a completely full glass.

I'm totally down with the whole "(wo)man up and say you don't want wine" thing. I don't really like to drink alcoholic drinks with my food. Not sure why, but it's unsatisfying to me. So I just say, "no, thanks, I'm fine. I'd love a XYZ when you get a chance, though." Is that really embarrassing or disruptive at all? And, I mean, if they think I'm an alcoholic, so what? What do I care?

20 bucks that Hitchens pretends he left his wallet inside the restaurant once he and his friends leave, so that he can rush back in and down everyone's wine.

This is a nonissue. if you are too damn lazy to pour some wine into your glass, I will suggest that you are dining in a restaurant not to enjoy the food and the company, but rather to wallow in the egocentric pleasure of being waited on. I.e., it's your chance to pretend your a medieval monarch.

Bravian - What restaurant? I want to go there! I drink a lot of water when I eat and even restaurants with good service often leave me dry mid-course.

Completely agree with Hannah. If you don't want wine, speak up. If you don't want a refill, speak up. It's not that hard.

There is nothing wrong with a server providing service. However, I have been to many establishments where the server quite clearly has limited (if any) wine knowledge and obtaining proper wine service is impossible.

For example, the server will have no idea how to deal with a problem cork. In that event (and if there is no sommelier who has experience in these things), my husband and I would rather deal with the recalcitrant stopper ourselves (especially if it is a special bottle we have brought and because we generally have both a double lever corkscrew and a butler's corkscrew with us, which some places do not have on hand) than have a server shake up sediment, break the cork, or even intentionally push the cork into the bottle.

Another point is that we prefer our glasses to be less than half full at most times so that there is room for the wine to breathe and so that the glass is not too heavy to lift uncomfortably. However, many servers feel the need to try to "top off" glasses. We make it a point in those cases to tell the server that we would prefer to pour ourselves. Trust me, we go in most evenings with a definite idea of how much wine we will drink and overfilling our glasses will not change that.

I perceived Hitchens' point -- a well made one in my view despite his typical snarky tone -- to be that a good server asks what her guests would like so that preferences can be accomodated. A pleasant "Is everyone having the white? Would anyone like something else?" always is welcome. If the parties say that they would prefer to pour for themselves, that they would like the white to warm up a bit at table, or even that they would like some ice for their red wine (trust me, I have seen it all) then the server should just go with it.

Of course, all of this assumes that you are at an establishment that does not have a proper sommelier providing or supervising wine service. I almost never have these issues with places that have serious wine service. Why? Because the soms ASK if the wine is to temperature, if we prefer certain stemware, if we want certain bottles decanted, if we want to pour, and even if we want to keep the champagne caps as souvenirs. And that, my friends, is why good sommeliers deserve their tips and corkage often can be well worth the charge when you bring your own bottles!

I think this whole topic is just one big cluster****

First, I think the underlying theme of the original article is how much the service system, and system in general, in many restaurants, pisses of diners. Emptying a bottle either to get you to buy another(yes it does happen) or get you out of the place to sit more customers. The overly frequent water refilling that bravian covered. Waiters asking if everything is ok every 2 minutes when they pass the table. Asking if you want dessert and if not, dropping the check on the table before you can say another word. At least that is the impression the first and third paragraph gave me.

Second, yes, it was a poorly written article because he just lumped wine service and restaurant in a generic manner. Was he targeting your average nice restaurant or something of the likes of Per Se? He said "fairly decent restaurant." That can mean many different things. Was he targeting general readers from around the nation or those who dine in New York at above average establishments. Those who are getting their proverbial panties in a bunch over this piece seem to be of the latter. "Fairly decent restaurant" does not neccesarily equal what Frank Bruni dines at nor what food/wine snobs think of as dining establishments which seems to be hard to grasp for some people regarding this topic.

And yes, I do prefer to pour my own wine or champagne and I really don't care what anyone thinks about it.

I recognize the bias of my own opinions, working in a wine bar myself, but still feel that Hannah's reactions warrant a defense.

I would be willing to bet that most who dine out often and order wine by the bottle have high expectations of their service. I have come across guests who are clearly unaccustomed to receiving such good services and know how to handle them without making them feel awkward or inferior (i.e. you show them the label and pour a taste of the wine and they are visibly uncertain as to why you are doing this). I sense that Hannah finds such scenarios familiar as well and would never roll her eyes in front of customers for any reason.

If you are uncomfortable with the service practices of an establishment and are also uncomfortable voicing your concerns, simply do not return. Your wait staff typically gives you ample opportunity to speak up ("is everything all right here?" "how is everything so far?").

Personally, and perhaps, again, this is because I work in the service industry, I love being waited on like this when I go out.

Asado, Truculence, and others:
Clearly, there are some major points about food service that you do not understand. For each thing that you dislike and insist that servers should not do, there are many other people who would throw fits if the server neglected that particular service. A server must follow the house's standards of service, and should not have to ask diners if every little point of those standards is to the diners' liking (that would be really annoying, if they asked on every possible point where one person might prefer something different over the usual standard of service, because there are more of those points than you can imagine). If it is not, it is the diners' responsibility to speak up when the server asks if the meal is to their liking. That is one of the purposes of that question. As Hannah said, a server is not a mind reader, and cannot be expected to magically know that you want something different from the last fifteen, or fifty, people she's served.
And don't be critical of servers who need to complain about diners, as long as they do it out of earshot and visual range of the diners. It's a tough job, and they need to blow off steam. Also, every little variation from the standard of service is one more thing a server has to keep track of, and remembering not to do something that's automatic is much more challenging than just pouring the wine.
Also, good grief, are people really allowing their conversations to be interrupted by a server coming up and pouring something? I mean, I generally smile and/or toss off a "Thanks," but it's not as if it breaks my train of thought.

Hannah, i have to say first of all HOORAY to you in sounding off...and yes, communication as a diner is the key here...i think anyone who goes to a restaurant and is so wrapped up that they can't speak up is frankly, "an idiot," and yes, i am unafraid to type this...it's also poor table manners to boot...

I have experienced to some extent or another fine dining most of my life and have done so with my own daughter who is now 20. If you don't want coffee service you turn your cup down and if you are not partaking of the wine, the glass should leave the table...very simple...if a teenager can comprehend this...what gives...

My family spends the holidays in CA...and we visit some very fine establishments while there...we have children at the table some who are obviously under age and then some who are not...it started when my daughter was around 16 and tall for her age...we all sit down at a said establishment in BH and the wine starts to flow...but my family is watching my daughter as she properly tells the server she's not having wine and asks for the glass to be removed...mother and grandmother are very proud of this....

Sometimes i am amazed at how proper table manners and etiquette are not adhered to these days...just thinking out loud...

I, too, am thinking why something seemingly trivial causes such an outpour of strong thoughts and feelings. I myself got riled up! Anyone who has worked in a restaurant (Britj, good prescription, at least for anyone who plans to eat in one), knows that they can be emotional hotbeds. For many reasons, I feel like servers often see the worst sides of people. Not always, by any means. I often love my job; it's fun to orchestrate a night where people genuinely enjoy themselves.

Going out to eat, no matter where, requires a certain concession of power. Your meal, your service, your experience are in the hands of the restaurant. It's a big and difficult job, which is why out of the gazillions of restaurants in the world, only a tiny fraction are wonderful.

But wonderful, of course, is largely subjective. It's worth finding places to dine that you love for whatever reason, places where you feel neither neglected nor pestered, but welcome and comfortable. Places where your expectations are met. And, on the rare occasion when they're not, you feel ok saying something.

Thepisticle, You make a good point that "For each thing that you dislike and insist that servers should not do, there are many other people who would throw fits if the server neglected that particular service." I might be pissed that my waiter is obsessively stalking my water glass; the next person might be frustrated that the water glass is seemingly precariously low. This is definitely what makes giving good service tricky.

Most people have rational demands; every once in a while people expect things that are a little bit crazy. Either way, though, a competent restaurant, especially of the more expensive variety, should do its best to see that you are happy. You play your part, too, by being polite and leaving a decent tip. If the restaurant is not doing it for you, well, don't return. There are many places to eat in the world.

PS I can't promise I won't roll my eyes a little. I like to think I am not particularly judgmental, but trust me, a little eye rolling is sometimes very much in order.

@thepictsie: Clearly, you can understand something and disagree with it as well, no? Please don't make false assumptions.