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'Top Chef': A New Kind of War

Posted by Harold Check, May 8, 2008 at 12:17 AM

Looks like we've got a supersized hour-and-fifteen-minute episode this week called "Wedding Wars." So, before it even starts, we already know it's a group catering challenge. Right out of the gate, the eight remaining chefs head to the knife block and break out into two teams of four.

On Team Fork, we've got Antonia, Andrew, Richard, and Stephanie. (Lots of wins on that team.)

On Team Spoon, there's Dale, Lisa, Nikki, and Spike. (Lots of hats and bandanas on that team.)

And it makes sense that teams have formed because it's time for everyone's favorite the Quickfire Relay Race, with Tom Colicchio subbing in as referee and arbiter of relay hand-offs.

[Spoilers after the jump.]

The four tasks that each team must complete: Peel and supreme five oranges, peel and turn 2 artichokes, clean and cut fillets from a whole monkfish, and make a quart of mayonnaise by hand.

Here are the matchups and who won each leg:

Antonia vs. Lisa in the orange leg: Lisa wins handily by at least two oranges.

Andrew vs. Spike in the artichoke leg: Andrew has more speed, less nerves, no hat, and a vegetable peeler. He crushes Spike by two oranges and it's a dead heat...

Richard vs. Dale in the monkfish leg: Both chefs look confident and capable. Dale gets dinged by his own teammates for "rough looking" fillets, but in the end his cuts are as acceptable as Richard's. It's still neck-and-neck going into the last round.

Stephanie vs. Nikki in the mayo round: Stephanie knows what it takes to get a mayonnaise to "break" whereas Nikki is in desperate need of a food processor. Stephanie pulls away easily and whips out more than a quart of artery-clogging goodness in what seems like no time flat.

After all was said and done, it was a pretty great 10 minutes. A lot of excitement. A lot of camaraderie, at least on the winning side.

At the Elimination Challenge, we learn that the teams will be competing in an update to the Top Chef staple "Restaurant Wars" -- much to the chagrin of the contestants, who all seem disappointed to miss that challenge. And, of course, their chagrin turns to dread when they learn that "Restaurant Wars" has been replaced by "Wedding Wars" -- where each team has less than 24 hours to cater 125 settings for a pair of wedding professionals who are getting married the very next day.

One team will cater, literally, to the whims of the bride and her guests, the other team tackling the tastes of the groom. The Fork squad, winners of the Quickfire challenge, get to choose which client they'd like to serve. Of course, they don't have much to go on, so it hardly seems like a major advantage. They pick the bride and the teams break and meet with their clients.

I have to make special note to a wonderful moment from the introduction of this challenge: As Padma announced that the chefs would need to work through the night, with cots to catch cat naps, Andrew announced "I've got a culinary boner right now." Wow. Game over. Winner. Best reality TV sound-bite of 2008.

On to Whole Foods and Restaurant Depot for $2,500 worth of shopping. Then, it's back to the Top Chef kitchen for the marathon cooking session.

The bride's crew -- Stephanie, Richard, Andrew, and Antonia -- definitely seem to have an easier time of things. Their planning is solid and tasks have been deftly assigned. The bride, who hails from the South, asked for a basic "meat and potatoes" menu, and specified that loves cake more than anything. The groom's side -- Nikki, Spike, Dale, and Lisa -- has been instructed to go with an Italian theme.

It's no surprise that 16 hours in the kitchen causes tempers to grow short and both teams see their reservoir of patience dwindle to dangerous levels. Dale's teammates are clearly happy to steer clear of him as he broods and busies himself with as many tasks as he can find.

The wedding itself looked like a really wonderful affair, and it seemed like there were no major snafus. Even the losing team put out food that many guests found enjoyable.

Fast-forward to the judges' table, where Tom and Padma are joined by Gail Simmons and Gale Gand, executive pastry chef from Chicago restaurant Tru. They try to pull a fast one and call out the Fork team -- Richard, Stephanie, Antonia, and Andrew -- under the guise of "asking about why they picked the bride?" Of course, everyone already knows that the first team called is the winner, especially the team left to stew in the kitchen.

When all the kudos are handed out, Stephanie is applauded for an impressive wedding cake, Richard's slow-cooked brisket gets honors, as does Antonia's appetizer-sized pizzas. Andrew is lucky that he found himself on the winning side, because no-one cared for his creamed spinach or his "crispy" chicken, which, just as Antonia predicted, didn't hold up under the pressures of pre-cooking and sitting around on a buffet.

On the other side of the axe, the Spoon crew nearly fell to pieces in front of the judge's table. Dale huffed and puffed and Spike told him he was being childish. Nikki stood up for herself by declaring that she wasn't the leader of the group, despite her expertise with Italian food. It was the "uh-oh" moment of the competition which solidified Nikki's status as a goner almost as much as Tom's curt dismissal of her hand-crafted Tortellini. Lisa largely sidestepped the conflagration as she was responsible for the well-liked, if not visually impressive, groom's chocolate-hazelnut cake.

After the team tore at each a little more awaiting the judges' final word on who would head home, it came as no surprise that non-team-leader Nikki was pointed back to Staten Island. On the upside, she seemed almost relieved to be heading somewhere, anywhere that wasn't across the counter from Dale, who has handily snatched the title of Most Annoying Chef from Spike. Way to go, Dale. You wear it well.

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Tags: Top Chef, Top Chef Chicago, Top Chef: Season 4, TV