Serious Eats
Golden Clog Nominees Announced; Bourdain Skewers Self
The nominees for the inaugural Golden Clog Awards were announced on Eater today. The Golden Clogs were created by Anthony Bourdain and Michael Ruhlman to honor, dishonor, or skewer various people in the food biz. (Full disclosure: I served on their informal board of advisers, suggesting a couple of awards; they took me up on one. In no way did I get to vet any aspect of the Golden Clogs, be it the awards themselves, the award descriptions, or the nominees.)
The nomination and awards language can be described as more than slightly wicked and vicious, and is entirely Bourdain and Ruhlman's. I have taken the liberty of taking out an award or two that I found particularly objectionable. I am fairly certain that Bourdain and Ruhlman will not be consulting me (or anyone else) before announcing the winners.
Props to Bourdain for the ability to laugh at himself. He is nominated for the Cat Cora Award (most fame based on least culinary achievement).
If you feel like joining in the fun, try to predict the winners in the comments section below. Alas, it's just for fun; Bourdain and Ruhlman won't give us an autographed Golden Clog to give to the person with the most correct answers. The cheap bastards!
The Fergus
For greatest achievement in pork, and/or guts. [Named for noted offal aficionado Fergus Henderson —EL]
Nominees: Martin Picard of Montreal's Au Pied de Cochon; David Chang of New York City's Momofuku Noodle Bar and Momofuku Ssam Bar; Chris Cosentino of San Francisco's "Incanto"
The Alton
For being on Food Network and yet, somehow, managing to not suck.
Nominees: Duff Goldman for Ace of Cakes—and for his relativly low visibility and seeming lack of cooperation in the usual knuckleheaded FN Holiday co-branded clusterfucks; Ina Garten for actually cooking just about everything impeccably—and for (like Duff) being nearly invisible elsewhere on the network; Giada DiLaurentis for doing everything (but the food) wrong and yet still cooking consistently better than she has to.
The Mario
For the chef/restaurateur who best multitasked, multiplatformed, merchandised, whored himself, or opened multi units (either while impaired—or not) and yet STILL managed to protect the quality of the mothership—while continuing to make valuable contributions to the restaurant landscape.
Nominees: Tom Colicchio, Thomas Keller, Mario Batali
The Rocco
For worst career move.
Nominees: Gordon Ramsay for the cruel and pointless freak show that is Hell's Kitchen; David Burke for the "Hooters in a Hula skirt" noncharms of the Hawaiian Tropic Zone in Times Square; Tyler Florence for Applebee's, Applebee's, Applebee's.
The Chef's Chef Award
Also known as the What's a Publicist? Award for the chef who continues to make the kind of food other chefs like while flying largely under the national radar.
Nominees: Scott Bryan for Veritas and now some place in Virginia; Mark Vetri for Osteria and Vetri in Philly; Paul Kahan for Blackbird and Avec in Chicago.
The Cat Cora Award
For most fame based on least actual culinary achievement.
Nominees: Guy Fieri for..."Tex Wasabi?"; Tony Bourdain—"One fucking book. Did this asshole ever work anyplace GOOD?"; Robert Irvine--"Sir Robert? Uh....Maybe not. Prince Charles' wedding cake?...uh...no. White House? Hmmm...not according to Walter Scheib....Five Stars? Who IS this guy? Really?"
Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
[I assume this award is for restaurants not located in eating-out strongholds like San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, etc. Restaurants that would like national recognition by way of a Beard Award—or any other award, for that matter. —EL]
Nominees: M. J. Adams at the Corn Exchange in Rapid City, South Dakota; Andrew Meek at Sage in Windsor Heights, Iowa; Jim Kyndberg at the Bayport Cookery in Bayport, Minnesota; str Stuart Tracey of the Pirogue Grill in Bismark, North Dakota.
The Steingarten
For the writer or blogger who actually GETS it.
Nominees: Bill Buford for Heat; Pim for Chez Pim; Mike Nagrant for Hungrymag.com.
The Swollen Liver Award
For the chef/or food person who has most consistently resisted the cruel attentions of PETA and the Food Police.
Nominees: Laurent Manrique, Michael Romano, Chris Cosentino, Ariane Daguin.
The Crazy Bastard Special Achievement Award
For the chef/operator who did the most insanely wonderful or heroic fucking thing in recent memory.
This year's honoree: Chef Donald Link of Cochon in New Orleans.
The Supreme Order of Clogness Award
For the chef or restaurateur or food writer or food producer or food "personality" who simply did it best—or made the most significant thing, moved things forward, or changed the landscape of food in wonderful NEW ways.
Nominees: Winner to be announced.