Golden Clog Nominees Announced; Bourdain Skewers Self
The nominees for the inaugural Golden Clog Awards were announced on Eater today. The Golden Clogs were created by Anthony Bourdain and Michael Ruhlman to honor, dishonor, or skewer various people in the food biz. (Full disclosure: I served on their informal board of advisers, suggesting a couple of awards; they took me up on one. In no way did I get to vet any aspect of the Golden Clogs, be it the awards themselves, the award descriptions, or the nominees.)
The nomination and awards language can be described as more than slightly wicked and vicious, and is entirely Bourdain and Ruhlman's. I have taken the liberty of taking out an award or two that I found particularly objectionable. I am fairly certain that Bourdain and Ruhlman will not be consulting me (or anyone else) before announcing the winners.
Props to Bourdain for the ability to laugh at himself. He is nominated for the Cat Cora Award (most fame based on least culinary achievement).
If you feel like joining in the fun, try to predict the winners in the comments section below. Alas, it's just for fun; Bourdain and Ruhlman won't give us an autographed Golden Clog to give to the person with the most correct answers. The cheap bastards!
The Fergus
For greatest achievement in pork, and/or guts. [Named for noted offal aficionado Fergus Henderson —EL]
Nominees: Martin Picard of Montreal's Au Pied de Cochon; David Chang of New York City's Momofuku Noodle Bar and Momofuku Ssam Bar; Chris Cosentino of San Francisco's "Incanto"
The Alton
For being on Food Network and yet, somehow, managing to not suck.
Nominees: Duff Goldman for Ace of Cakes—and for his relativly low visibility and seeming lack of cooperation in the usual knuckleheaded FN Holiday co-branded clusterfucks; Ina Garten for actually cooking just about everything impeccably—and for (like Duff) being nearly invisible elsewhere on the network; Giada DiLaurentis for doing everything (but the food) wrong and yet still cooking consistently better than she has to.
The Mario
For the chef/restaurateur who best multitasked, multiplatformed, merchandised, whored himself, or opened multi units (either while impaired—or not) and yet STILL managed to protect the quality of the mothership—while continuing to make valuable contributions to the restaurant landscape.
Nominees: Tom Colicchio, Thomas Keller, Mario Batali
The Rocco
For worst career move.
Nominees: Gordon Ramsay for the cruel and pointless freak show that is Hell's Kitchen; David Burke for the "Hooters in a Hula skirt" noncharms of the Hawaiian Tropic Zone in Times Square; Tyler Florence for Applebee's, Applebee's, Applebee's.
The Chef's Chef Award
Also known as the What's a Publicist? Award for the chef who continues to make the kind of food other chefs like while flying largely under the national radar.
Nominees: Scott Bryan for Veritas and now some place in Virginia; Mark Vetri for Osteria and Vetri in Philly; Paul Kahan for Blackbird and Avec in Chicago.
The Cat Cora Award
For most fame based on least actual culinary achievement.
Nominees: Guy Fieri for..."Tex Wasabi?"; Tony Bourdain—"One fucking book. Did this asshole ever work anyplace GOOD?"; Robert Irvine--"Sir Robert? Uh....Maybe not. Prince Charles' wedding cake?...uh...no. White House? Hmmm...not according to Walter Scheib....Five Stars? Who IS this guy? Really?"
Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
[I assume this award is for restaurants not located in eating-out strongholds like San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, etc. Restaurants that would like national recognition by way of a Beard Award—or any other award, for that matter. —EL]
Nominees: M. J. Adams at the Corn Exchange in Rapid City, South Dakota; Andrew Meek at Sage in Windsor Heights, Iowa; Jim Kyndberg at the Bayport Cookery in Bayport, Minnesota; str Stuart Tracey of the Pirogue Grill in Bismark, North Dakota.
The Steingarten
For the writer or blogger who actually GETS it.
Nominees: Bill Buford for Heat; Pim for Chez Pim; Mike Nagrant for Hungrymag.com.
The Swollen Liver Award
For the chef/or food person who has most consistently resisted the cruel attentions of PETA and the Food Police.
Nominees: Laurent Manrique, Michael Romano, Chris Cosentino, Ariane Daguin.
The Crazy Bastard Special Achievement Award
For the chef/operator who did the most insanely wonderful or heroic fucking thing in recent memory.
This year's honoree: Chef Donald Link of Cochon in New Orleans.
The Supreme Order of Clogness Award
For the chef or restaurateur or food writer or food producer or food "personality" who simply did it best—or made the most significant thing, moved things forward, or changed the landscape of food in wonderful NEW ways.
Nominees: Winner to be announced.
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13 Comments:
"The Alton"
I love it!
unarata at 7:34PM on 02/19/08
The Fergus goes to Cosentino because he's Ruhlman's not-so-secret BFF, after Bourdain of course, and Symon. The Alton goes to Duff for having more personality than most on the FN, and, you know, not sucking at what he does, or Giada for being hot, and she can actually cook. The Mario should go to Mario, because Bourdain wishes the Batali family would adopt him, and this might buy their love. The Rocco should go to Tyler Florence. (Seriously? Applebee's?!? Gross.) The Cat Cora might have a surprise winner with the recent amendments made to Robert Irvine's CV, even though, really, what's the point of making up your own awards show in a drunken stupor, and then not giving yourself an award? It only seems right that Bourdain should award himself the Cat Cora.
sarahlynn at 7:54PM on 02/19/08
I'm glad to learn from the header that Bourdain finally followed the advice so many people have suggested to him over the years.
Really, I like Bourdain, but I love a good straight line even more.
srhcb at 10:26PM on 02/19/08
Anybody know what Donald Link did to deserve the Crazy Bastard Special Achievement Award?
P.S. Isn't it "Chef's Chef", not "Chef's Choice"?
zamboni at 10:41PM on 02/19/08
mario award
Racheal Ray not even nomianted?????? I am shocked
http://organicandnaturalmom.blogspot.com/
love2cook at 11:21PM on 02/19/08
Cat Cora haha...priceless. Guy gets my vote.
billyjoe at 12:20AM on 02/20/08
@zamboni -- I think Link was the guy featured on Bourdain's New Orleans No Reservations episode-- he re-opened his restaurant post-Katrina in something like 3 1/2 hours, and then opened a completely new restaurant to boot. Serious committment.
sidebernie at 8:37AM on 02/20/08
Three cheers for Ina! She totally is the best cook on that network and is so cute! I am glad that Giada was also nominated for "The Alton", because even though her food is not totally amazing, it is simple and realistic, and mostly healthy.
sophia kitchencaravan at 9:40AM on 02/20/08
Cripes! It's not even a standard chef's clog - it's a frickin' Croc! Oh the horrors.
SayWhat at 10:32AM on 02/20/08
Hi, I guess I don't understand all the contempt (I don't watch Bourdain). To what is he comparing these food tv hosts? Not everyone who watches food TV wants to be a gourmet cook. Many people just want to put a meal on the table that is affordable, healthy and good.
I do enoy Ina but her recipes are so unhealthy they are not practical for everyday life, but must be saved for special occasions when I don't mind the butter and crean.
While I enjoy the gourmet recipe and am an accomplished home cook, I really don't get the snobbishness associated with FN people who want to encourage ordinary people to cook more.
lghez at 9:38PM on 02/20/08
I think Emeril should also be considered for The Mario, considering his sale to Martha.
Ina deserves The Alton. Giada? Not a lot of versatility there. Guys like the part of her anatomy that enters the room first? And it wiggles and jiggles and tickles inside her. And I'm not talking about her pregnancy.
I can't believe Sandra Lee isn't a nominee for The Swollen Liver award. Doesn't being a dipsomaniac count?
Sir Robert could get:
The Fergus....for guts.....not in a good way
The Rocco....worst career move even surpassing Tyler - how could you???
Car Cora.......man, ya got me?
And to Chef Link........you should get the trophy and they should cast it in gold! That clog/croc is so darned cute and would look perfect alongside your cast in bronze baby shoes.
PerkyMac at 12:06AM on 02/21/08
Cat Cora... Yeah, I think Bourdain should get it since we're talking about culinary achievements. I'm actually a fan of his shows, finding him darkly humorous, and more than slightly cynical. Nevertheless, if we're talking about ACTUAL achievements in cuisine (i.e. books, cooking shows, actual cooking), well...
The Cat Cora -- for being really famous without really doing anything. Bourdain sounds perfect for it.
levinedym at 6:25PM on 02/21/08
Love "The Rocco." I love Tyler Florence and I hate Applebee's. I was totally confused for a while.
"The Alton?" Give it to Giada DiLaurentis. Her food is solid, in spite of the distractions. Although the great thing about giving it to Ina Garten is that she probably won't care.
http://nujoikitchendiary.blogspot.com/
NuJoi at 10:40AM on 02/23/08