A Halloween Candy Hierarchy: What's Your Favorite Trick or Treat?
"I developed a candy hierarchy, along with an elaborate trading scheme in which I would try to pawn off the candies I couldn't stand to unsuspecting friends and neighbors in exchange for a candy bar."
Candy corn, chocolate ice cubes, candy peanuts, and generic hard candies are patently unacceptable. To me they show a lack of respect for trick-or-treaters everywhere. Photograph from iStockphoto.com
For someone like me, who has a serious sweet tooth and likes to eat a lot, Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. I always loved trick-or-treating, and to me Halloween was always about the candy.
It certainly wasn't about the costumes. I was always the kid dressed up like, well, me. My mother was too busy to think about what costume I wanted or needed to wear on Halloween, so I'd go to Halloween parties dressed as Ed Levine. There was nothing fun, festive, or scary about that particular state of affairs.
For me the candy was king, and not just any candy, either. There were candies I desperately wanted in copious amounts, candies that were sort of OK—"sweet tooth–neutral" I used to call them—and then there were the candies I was desperate to avoid, that I regarded like the plague. I developed a candy hierarchy, along with an elaborate trading scheme in which I would try to pawn off the candies I couldn't stand to unsuspecting friends and neighbors in exchange for a candy bar. Those trades were built around an exchange of quantity for quality.
So consider my baker's (or should I say confectioner's) dozen halloween candy hierarchy.
1. Mini Mounds bar: Mounds bars are perhaps my favorite commercial candy bar. You just can't beat the combination of dark chocolate and the tender sweet coconut. Anybody giving out Mounds bars I would try to circle back to over and over again. Almond Joys would have been ranked as high if they weren't covered with sickly sweet milk chocolate.
2. Chunky: I don't think they make mini Chunkies, so anybody who gave out full-size Chunkies (or any other full-size candy bars for that matter) was A-OK in my book.
3. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups: A fine Halloween repast. In fact, I remember being absolutely thrilled when one of my neighbors gave out full-size peanut butter cups. The minis always seem a little chintzy to me. Maybe I'm being overly harsh in my assessment. Reese's Pieces are not an acceptable substitute in my book. And I wish the Reese's dark chocolate peanut butter cups were more readily available. Green-oriented grown-ups could give away the Paul Newman organic dark chocolate peanut cups to trick-or-treaters. Those suckers are good. In fact, they may be better than Mounds bars.
4. Snickers: Mini Snickers are pretty damn fine, and we have always found that our neighbor's kids are very happy when we offer them up in our apartment.
5. Milky Way: I like the new dark chocolate Milky Ways a lot, but I do find that I miss that nutty Snickers crunch.
6. Peanut M&Ms: I know I'm in the minority here, but I like peanut M&Ms a lot more than regular M&Ms. Again, I like the crunch. The peanut butter M&Ms are not as good, though I prefer them to the regulars. Dark chocolate M&Ms, if you can find them, are a fine revisionist invention, however.
7. Three Musketeers: Before there were mini Three Musketeers was there anything better on Halloween than getting one of those big, thick Three Musketeers bars? Not in my estimation. The minis, however, seem paltry and insignificant.
8. Butterfingers: Butterfingers have always just left me cold. They're simply not very interesting tasting. They're crunchy and sweet, but I need something more in a candy bar to get me excited.
9. Hershey Combo Pack and Kisses: I like the Hershey's Special Dark a lot, followed by the regular Hershey bar with almonds and trailing by a considerable margin the regular Hershey bar. Again my preference for dark chocolate explains all. The allure of Hershey's Kisses has always escaped me. Many people love them, and I accept that.
10. Nestle's Crunch: I know many people lurve Nestle's Crunch bars, but I find myself curiously unmoved by them. To me they lack a clear chocolate taste.
11. Kraft caramels: My friends and I always thought anybody who gave out Kraft caramels was cheap. Plus, they're not the greatest caramels in the world and they stick to your teeth.
12. Goobers and Raisinets: Though both would be considerably better if they were made with dark chocolate, I do have a soft spot in my heart for Goobers and Raisinets.
13. Apples and raisins: A freshly picked, still firm, good local apple is a good treat in theory, but the razor blade scare makes giving away apples moot. And can we all agree not to give out those little boxes of rock-hard raisins? Halloween's once a year; let the kids have a good time. We had a smart neighbor who told her kids that they could eat as much candy as they could in the 24 hours after Halloween but after that she was either throwing it out or giving it away. The idea of kids having their Halloween stash sitting around for weeks so they can dig in at will makes absolutely no sense to me.
Candy corn, chocolate ice cubes, candy peanuts, and generic hard candies are patently unacceptable. To me they show a lack of respect for trick-or-treaters everywhere.
So if you want to make serious kid eaters happy when they ring your doorbell, you know what you have to do. It's not too late. You still have time.
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34 Comments:
There definitely is a candy hierarchy. I used to sort my piles dumped out from the Halloween bag into best, okay, and not-so-great then work on eating them in that order.
There's one more category though. The just-plain-different. There are always some candies in the bunch that are new or particularly cheap or which come from some other country that really dazzle the entire batch into a whole. Those have to be set aside and considered for a while before trying them, but the intellectual stimulus and thrill is not negligible in terms of OCER (Overall Candy Experience Rating).
I am not on the list of acceptable givers this year, though - as I've chosen popcorn balls to give out. Why did I do this? Because every year before Halloween I eat my way through half of each bag of candy purchased before the date even arrives and one year I even broke a tooth biting into a really delicious Tootsie Pop. The deliciousness was not worth the seven hundred dollar cap required, however.
I do like the idea of going trick-or-treating as Ed Levine, though. Maybe if I tried that tonight people would give me some decent hamburgers.
One can dream.
Karen Resta at 8:19AM on 10/31/07
Having a Halloween birthday has always been more than interesting to me. My own faves are Snickers, plain M&Ms (my wife takes the peanut ones), Three Musketeers, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I also enjoy the candy orange wedges, and yes, the orange marshmallow Circus Peanuts.
Up until I was about 16 trick-or-treating was a normal event. But at about that time, I started really adopting my birthday and started a small business designing and building haunted house for Jaycee organizations and the like. I wasn't even around to pass out candy then. Unfortunately, the haunted house thing was brought to a halt when my first marriage happened, and we lived in the middle of nowhere with no trick-or-treaters.
The past few years I've enjoyed being a part of giving out treats. The bowl is ready on the table, loaded with both plain and peanut M&Ms, along with mini Twix and Snickers bars. After an early birthday dinner at Ciao! Ristorante, we'll be back home in time to meet the neighborhood ghouls.
I like to think that Peter Jackson and I are twins. Born the same day and year, yes, but to different mothers, 13,000 miles apart. :-D
LunaPierCook at 8:54AM on 10/31/07
I'd have to disagree on the candy corn bit, Ed. Prior to omitting cane/corn sugar from my diet, candy corn was my favorite of all the obnoxiously sweet Halloween candies. On the other hand, when I used to eat them, Mounds bars and Peppermint Patties were definitely tops of my list.
hereandthe at 9:09AM on 10/31/07
My favorite part of trick or treat was sorting my candy. My sisters and I would each claim a spot in the living room and spend at least an hour going over our haul. We'd make it last as long as possible and gloat if one kid ate all theirs faster than another. We hated the people who gave out popcorn, apples, raisins, and the dreaded pennies. My mom always made us give her our Butterfingers and threaten to take away all our candy if we didn't. My favorite was these little boxes of licorice sticks-they were hollow and about the size of a cigarette. I usually give out small bags of chips which has gone over quite well with my neighborhood kids.
Rottenmom at 9:12AM on 10/31/07
Have to say, my candy favs are almost identical to Ed's. Way, way at the bottom of my list are Pixy Stix and Smarties ( I need chocolate). Back in the 50's, we would tote around pillowcases for hours gathering lots & lots of candy :)
Happy Birthday to LunaPierCook !! Let's all eat a Snickers in his honor :)
JEP at 9:24AM on 10/31/07
the top of my HCH was always the mini 100,000 bars - it was the only time of year i ever really had them. followed closely by nestle crunch, the orange and black peanut-butter chews, mary janes, and nerds.
j at 10:01AM on 10/31/07
100 Grands and Crunch Bars were my favorites, but I'd pretty much eat anything.
I like candy corn!
roboppy at 10:26AM on 10/31/07
Ed, they do make dark chocolate Raisinettes now; had them last week and they are a huge improvement! Double Bubble was a favorite of mine when it was soft, which was almost never. Another huge cheap-out was the Dum Dum pop, that's just rude. I noticed this year that Tootsie Roll is offering an enormous bag of stuff designed to help those trying to skimp on this all-important holiday. It's filled with smaller than midgie Tootosie Rolls, tiny little nibs not even worth the wrapping, and itty bitty Tootsie Pops that are SMALLER than Dum Dums. What is the world coming to?
Deb07 at 10:29AM on 10/31/07
Bravo! A very good list. Couldn't agree more on the Candy Corn thing. And I just ate a mini Nestles Crunch bar, and couldn't agree with your assessment more (although when I was a kid I loved them).
The only thing that surprises me is your placing of Butterfinger below 3 Muskateers (that's just not right), and your love of the Chunky, which has raisins (#13 by your own admission) taking up valuable space that could otherwise be used for more chocolate or nuts. Terrible... I would trade a box of Chunkys for a Mini Reese's Peanut Butter cup!
Zach Brooks at 10:40AM on 10/31/07
I guess one answer to that could the the cost of Halloween, Deb07. :)
I know people who have to buy close to two hundred dollars worth of candy in order to cover the streams of kids coming non-stop to their doors.
Then there's the costumes which if you get guilted into buying them for your kids can cost about thirty-five to fifty dollars by the time all is said and done, per child.
This year I'm only giving out about fifty dollars worth of treats but we live in a neighborhood without a lot of trick-or-treaters so that's just luck.
Karen Resta at 10:43AM on 10/31/07
P.S. My last post was meant in response to Deb07's that came before zach's but I was so stunned at the cost of things that I didn't manage to type it out in time. :(
Karen Resta at 10:49AM on 10/31/07
I was never very big on celebrating Halloween, even as a little kid, but two treats I associate with the holiday are Popcorn Balls and Carmeled Apples, neither or which I've had for ages, and both of which I suppose I could make for myself!
srhcb at 10:56AM on 10/31/07
Top of my list was cousin to the candy corn, the mellowcreme pumpkin. To this day I buy bags of them at Halloween and eat myself sick, swear it off and forget by next Halloween.
souldawg at 11:01AM on 10/31/07
i am currently chowing down on mellowcreme pumpkins at my desk - they make me so happy! until i eat the whole bag and realize my tummy is very UNHAPPY.
crafty at 11:05AM on 10/31/07
I was the pickiest kid (no kidding, really?) I used to work the neighborhood in an order and use king size pillow cases (much to my mother's horror).
There was a rule to trick or treating. The spoils go to go to the king first (my dad) and then he would inspect the spoils. There were 3 bowls, one for stuff that got trashed, one for his share of the take and one for you.
The kings bowl was huge, the trash bowl not so big and my bowl also not so big.
As I recall the king took all full sized candy bars, much of the chocolate and anything else that moved him. As I got older I learned to raid the king's bowl when no one was looking.
I at one time loved candy corn but sometime in my 20's I lost all taste for it when I saw my friends child put a piece of it in her nose and then we had to go to the emergency room to get it removed. Post traumatic candy corn syndrome, you understand?
My favs as a trick or treater were;
Raisinets
Nestle's crunch
Mounds
Reese's
Plain M&Ms
Anything Gum
BB Bats
Candy Ciggies
Sugar Daddys or Sugar Babies
Junior Mints or York Peppermint Patty
Today we do not have so many trick or treaters out our way. The township has a halloween thing with parade and candy for the kids.
JerzeeTomato at 11:17AM on 10/31/07
as someone who is allergic to chocolate (i didn't realize this as a kid, instead i just knew that eating chocolate made me feel really nauseated) i would do anything to trade chocolates for chips.
my halloween favourites are (in order of preference):
cheetos, doritos, other chips, twizzlers/nibs, tootsie roll products, starburst, gummy candies, and the molasses taffy that comes in halloween wrappers.
non-chocolate treats were hard to come by. i found if i only ate one or two mini chocolate bars a day i wouldn't feel THAT sick. so, rationed out like that, i often had halloween candy last all the way to easter.
lexophile at 11:19AM on 10/31/07
I feel obligated to rectify the grave errors of my family's candy-passing past. *We* were the dreaded house that gave away pennies, apples, mini toothpastes (!!) and when Mom was feeling "extra" wacky, Pal bubblegums. Halloween was the ONE time of year we were allowed "real" chocolate (not the standard carob) and candy -- a fact that embarassed me to no end as a child. I coveted my chocolate.
Since reaching "maturity" (ha), I stock up every year on a ton of mini CANDY BARS to pass out, hoping to pacify the demons of my past!
sheldel at 11:21AM on 10/31/07
My favorite part was always sorting the haul and then hoarding it. I kept mine in an old doll trunk and my brother and I competed every year to see who could make theirs last the longest -- if you got to Christmas with anything other than those horrible Circus Peanuts (really, those people just hate children) then you won. Our mother would also steal the Butterfingers, and one year she had to pull over to the side of the road driving home (we lived on a farm so went to our cousins' house in town to trick or treat) to throw up. An instructive lesson kids, see what happens when you eat too much candy. Because our county is largely rural, and because it's always cold on Halloween, all the kids congregate on a 4 block stretch of Yellowstone Street -- when I was looking at houses my realtor warned me that those houses get 4-5 hundred trick-or-treaters every year -- our local community thrift store donates money to homeowners to buy candy. But it's fun and you get to see all the kids at one time.
Charlotte at 11:26AM on 10/31/07
i can't believe i forgot nerds! also, i love candy corn but i've never seen it given out for halloween in toronto.
lexophile at 11:26AM on 10/31/07
Crafty, on one hand I am so jealous. On the otherhand, the tummyache still left over from last night's mellowcreme fest 2007 is making me mock your future pain and discomfort.
Please note the future red orange tongue
souldawg at 11:36AM on 10/31/07
As a child back in the 50's my favorite halloween treat was given out by our neighbor Mr. Gigilotti who was a bread distributor. Mr. "G" gave miniture loaves of unsliced Wonder Bread to all the kids on our block. The next morning my mother would slice the loaf length wise and toast it under the broiler. My brother and I would slather it with butter and gobble it up before going to school. Milky ways and snickers were great but my brother and I really loved those mini loaves of Wonder Bread.
Colorado Jim at 12:14PM on 10/31/07
Hasn't anyone eaten O'Henry candy bars lately? They are the BEST!
...and I make caramel popcorn to give away and take to Halloween parties. Nothing better than sweet and salty crunch!
Elizabelle at 12:24PM on 10/31/07
Raised in the 80's.... I've gotta mention Nerds candy! My co-worker just gave me a box. I'm wondering, when did the box get so tiny? Where is the dual flavors? The slider top so you can mix em'?
bisbee at 1:12PM on 10/31/07
For another take on candy taxonomy, see http://scienceblogs.com/worldsfair/2007/10/redefining_the_candy_hierarchy.php
kjgibson at 1:26PM on 10/31/07
I used to like everything when I was a kid -- Tootsie pops, Dum Dums, bubble gum, Skittles, Nerds, Starburst, etc. I always loved Three Muskateers and Milky Ways. My taste switched to chocolate only later on. But for most of my life, I haven't been able to eat sticky stuff unless I suck on it because of dental work. If I have a chocolate craving, and there's Milky Ways or Snickers around, I still eat them -- very carefully!
Because I've only just begun to hand out candy, I only buy the stuff my husband and I like -- a bag of Almond Joys, Reeses PB cups, Kit Kats and Hershey bars. Last year, we had a bowl of leftover candy because less than 10 kids came to our apartment. I bought less candy this year. Now watch: More kids will come!
My family never handed out candy because we lived on a highway. My brother and I would go Trick or Treating with my parents from my grandparents' house (where they would sit around in the dark!) because my family knew a lot of people in the neighborhood. I had just as much fun looking at the cool decorations as collecting candy. And of course my mom and dad took some of the good stuff from us!
misseditor at 1:33PM on 10/31/07
kjgibson---thanks for the link---fun to read!
JEP at 2:30PM on 10/31/07
My favorite growing up was sugar babies.
My favorite at 51 is the little special dark in the miniatures collection. I really luck out because I'm the only one who likes dark chocolate ... they are ALL mine.
Candy is miss ... ice cubes ... little chocolate cubes of very, very sweet chocolate.
Lowter at 3:49PM on 10/31/07
sorting out candy was definitely most important. i agree, candy corn was lame. that's what you eat when your teacher has a huge bowl of it in class, but if ppl handed that out.. ugh. kit kats, nerds, skittles, m&m's, crunch, and reese's pb cups were the best.
foodinmouth at 3:54PM on 10/31/07
we gave out those incredibly nasty generic looking peanut chew things in the orange and black wrappers.
i'm still in therapy.
cybercita at 5:22PM on 10/31/07
What about those awful Neco Wafers? You might as well be handing out Rolaids if you think those things taste good!
GoldenEel at 5:46PM on 10/31/07
What about Mallowcups?
They were a primo coup.
Stiv61 at 8:11AM on 11/01/07
I used to come home early from trick or treating throw the stuff I didn't want into my parents candy bowl to be given out to the trick or treaters who came to our house, then go back out again.
ag3208 at 1:06AM on 11/02/07
I know you've probably seen it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSRaUN73Rqw
but thought you may enjoy it anyway.
... they wash it, they wash it...
allconsuming at 8:51AM on 11/02/07
I am from the sour candy generation, so one of my favorites was Sourpatch Kids. But they didn't come before:
Mounds
Raisinets
Whoppers
Three Musketeers
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
M&M's(This I'll qualify. Though I'm a dark chocolate guy and don't love M&M's, as a kid I loved the idea that in my bag of candy was ANOTHER bag with MORE candy.)
jwiener at 1:10PM on 11/05/07